one more year, a lot less hair

a week before my birthday i was at Tom's house, after not drinking for nearly 2 months i finally decided to have a glass of wine or two with Tom & his wife Jogi.  that day had been rough on Jogi and a week later she had another hard day scheduled dealing with some drama... so i asked her if i should be ready for a few more glasses of wine to let her know i'd be there for her.  as the night progressed, the subject changed and Tom invited me to join them the following weekend for Labor Day at their place at the lake.  we'd had a few glasses of wine, so i didnt think the invitation was completely serious... more impulsive, so i let it go.

the week progressed, and as carolyn and i talked all day via email and texts, i mentioned to her that she should keep next tuesday free for her mom Jogi.  she was of course there for her, though we were unsure what we'd do with the night if Jogi decided she didn't want the company... the week moved on.

cards on the dock

friday arrived and carolyn was on the road to the lake, i was at home.  we talked about the upcoming week a bit... still focused on her mom, and me not going to the lake - but the next day as we were texting back & forth and she said something suspicious: "we have Tuesday night planned".  Tom must have noticed that i hadn't come down and called me to ask where i was.  so i stuffed some things in a bag and headed to the lake.

i arrived late saturday night, to a card game which left me confused... Tom and his family are card sharks.  after we headed to the deck for a couple bottles of wine which left me a bit of a mess the next morning.  we spent sunday on the water enjoying the sun (Carolyn and I may have gotten too much), then more cards, and sunday night Jogi made an awesome dinner.  i'd learned my lesson the night before, and spent the night winding down on the couch with Carolyn where she introduced me to a show called 'Snapped'... which was nothing short of twisted.

on Labor Day we went back out on the water again, then we all helped Tom put some of the summer things away before we headed back... this weekend sounds so simple, but it was undoubtedly the best Labor Day i have had in my 30's.

the next day was Tuesday, my birthday, and a day when Jogi had a lot of stress to deal with.  Carolyn told me to be at her place at 6:30, and i arrived to confirm what i suspected, she had turned the night into a birthday celebration for me.  there was a spread of mexican food all made by her.  i can't lie, i was impressed.  i generally don't like people doing things for me... i appreciate a kind thought and words of recognition, but all the effort she had gone through really meant a lot to me.  on some level i figured i would spend my birthday night having a quick bite with mom & dad, then run over to Tom & Jogi's to help her blow off some steam, but instead we were celebrating my birthday.  Carolyn's sister arrived a few hours later, and then i was presented with two bags of gag gifts and a card from them all.  in the end, it was simple, and simply amazing.  while playing cards that previous Sunday, Tom had announced, "welcome to the family!"  and while i'm not family, i felt very much like i was.

around 10pm, all the ladies realized it was late for them, and while Tom and I continued to ramble on the balcony, they packed up all kinds of leftovers and we were sent home.  however, as i got near my house, i got a call from friends downtown wanting to keep things alive.  Subash was with Oliver down at a bar where Slaps works.  from there we progressed to Shiver, where we met up with a guy named Cody who had with him a group of friends which helped the great night move on.  we all enjoyed one of their choice vodkas and swung around in their globe chairs before heading across the street to Flamingo Bowl which made for great people watching.  it was a nice way to meet out some buddies and wind down my birthday night.

wednesday was fairly relaxed, as was thursday... since I spent the night of the 7th out, I went over and had dinner with my parent's on wednesday night.  my mother is on a never ending battle for me to scower my house, and since i don't like gifts, she bought me a ton of cleaning supplies.

then friday i got email from my agent explaining that yet another of my rare auditions had been a fail.  i'd had enough of my look and not working... i hated my hair.  it was shaggy and had been for nearly 3 years... ugh.  i wanted a drastic change.

a lifelong friend of mine had been wanting to shave away my shag for weeks, i had jokingly suggested a mohawk.  and friday was the day.  i got to meredith's house around 9pm, she and her husband KC had just gotten home from taking the kids out for greek food... and they'd gotten their hands on a professional razor.  Shnidy and his wife were witnesses as meredith's middle child sat in front of me in the garage giggling... before i knew it, the whole neighborhood of children sat next to me in amazement.  meredith worked slowly and nervously... taking a break in the middle when KC issued quick judgement on the remaining hairs on the sides of my scalp.  before you knew, i was done - mohawk style!
i woke up the next morning with a pink mohawk faltering after hours of being mashed into a pillow.  i took the day slowly... saturday night, a week from my drive to the lake, would be the annual "September Birthdays Party".

for over a decade, a group of us who were all hatched in the first week of september have had a party together... and it was time for that event.  i adorned myself in the usual offensive tshirt, a sexy blazer, cargo shorts, and flip flops.  i headed back to meredith's, where she gave the 'hawk some volume and we first headed to Araka for a few drinks.  after Araka we made out way to Schneithorst's for the event.

this year's turnout was awesome, i couldn't believe how many people showed up... faces i hadn't seen in years, people who had to fly in from across the country, people who you would think would make up excuses about kids or other obligations, those from both coasts and those who had so much else going on made it.  it was awesome.

easily half that upstairs deck was our group of people, i was impressed with those who showed up even though they didn't know many, and was impressed with everyone's happy demeanor.

really, the week was perfect.  from Tom's hospitality at the lake, to Carolyn's birthday dinner for me which was full of thoughtful detail, being surrounded by Meredith's family and neighbors and my friends, and the 50+ people at the September Birthdays party... it was an awesome year.

A Handful Of Pics Are Here

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Birthday Week Pics

Tommy	Shiver
pink!	spikey!

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the girls in the middle

i have two beautiful nieces, and i think the world of them.  just months ago the older one was in beauty pageant and needed to find someone with a convertible to drive her in a parade and she called me to drive her in my beat up old Jeep.  i couldn't have been happier - i was so nervous since the other convertibles were so nice, and my friend Amy even offered to let us do it in her red Audi but she wanted it to be in my '86 CJ.  i actually heard people from the crowd say things about how awesome the old Jeeps were!  she heard it too and loved it, it was great.

the younger one i recently ran into randomly walking to a friend's house after school as i sat outside on my friend's patio.  the two girls joined us for a bit and we hung out and had some laughs and after leaving my friend complimented her in so many ways.  her personality is nothing like her older sister, this one is the brainy one who likes to test people, her grades are awesome and i'm very proud of her.

proud of both really, they are children of divorce and times aren't always easy.  i don't get to see them a lot because they aren't my kids, but my sister lived with my parents for years after the divorce and still regularly unloads them over there so i probably see them more than most uncles.

my father has really been the male role model in their life, with me as a backup.  i take them to the father-daughter events, and at times i've had to be a little hard on them, etc.  i have no kids, but i think i do a good job when i do.

then, about 2 weeks ago, their mother started to lip off on my Facebook page.  i love my sister, but her insecurities drive her need to be heard so much that she doesn't seem to pay attention when she starts to act or rant.  i had made a post about people posting pics of their kids on that site, and how the pictures were not secured and any pervert could see them.  i followed up the post with my own comment stating clearly that my motivations for saying what i said were really to stop the congestive flow of pictures from everyone's kid having yet another first day of school.  my sister didn't bother to read that...

eager to shut down the big brother which always blocks her sun, she replied with rants about my being a hypocrite, then followed it up with more posts about how stupid my thoughts were because of the impossible effort needed to find the pics in question.  somewhere in the middle i tried to point out that people should read everything i said... but she continued.

finally, i'd had enough, and i defriended her.  my sister is notorious for problems on Facebook.  of the 106 friends we have in common there, i can't tell you the number of people who have come to me and apologized for having to block her, or the others who have just let her go.  are they friends or at least friendly to her?  sure, but she rants, and as shown here in this simple example she seems to rant without taking the time to be informed, and often she lets emotion guide her decision making.

and then she did, again...

this morning i was informed by my niece that her mother instructed her to block me on Facebook.  i'm sure she will have some excuse, something about my talking about drinking or some event i had pictures of being too wild... but the timing seems a little perfect that this happened right after i defriended her.

and, she's notorious for playing these games with my mother.  mom loves to see these girls and they are getting older and less likely to spend time with grandma.  when grandma isn't good to my sister, she finds other places to warehouse her kids, or she just leaves them at her boyfriend's house.  klassy huh?  yeah, not surprisingly, their mother is the kinda woman who brings her kids to sleep at the boyfriends house.  now with that option, she has the ability to exercise more controls.

my sister called me a few weeks ago asking me to watch her dog because my mother had complained about something so instead of bringing the girls and the dog over to stay with them while she traveled, she was going to warehouse one girl elsewhere and leave the dog with me.  uh, no.  i'm not going to help you play your game.

and now, i can't be friends with my nieces on Facebook.

i have (or had) someone in my life who lived through things like this after her parent's divorce, but i can't talk to her about it because sadly, she's now playing games with the people in her life as well.  i don't know who else i can get help or advice from.  her stories of the control games bordered on abusive in my mind and often made me wish i had ways to set her mother straight in her defense.  truly the brightest of her siblings, any time she chose her father over her mother in even the slightest way limitations were placed on her in regards to activities or tuition payments that simply weren't placed on her younger and less able sisters.  now she lives in a way where she keeps things a secret so as to not upset those who she wants love from, she tries to make everything appropriate, and cater to people.  she's such a beautiful person in so many ways, and often noticed her similarities to my niece... i now have my concerns that the games will have the same impact on my girls as they did her.

and i have no one to turn to otherwise.  i didnt grow up in a world where this was common place, i heard about it randomly, but to actually use a child as a method of retaliation?  to cause that child to learn that if someone annoys their parent they will get pulled from them?  to teach your children that they have to follow the master plan or be rejected and be forced to remove people and things from their lives which they may love and find important... who does that?  who makes up excuses instead of communicating and doesn't expect the results to be poor?

my friend Adam called my sister 'spineless', but its more than that.  and really, its not a battle i am prepared to fight... but i will fight for those girls.  but how do you fight a parent?  how do you tell your sibling with the insecurity complex that they could be wrong in how they are raising their kids?

ugh, this is killing me.  if it were anything else, i would walk away.