communication

you don't communicate well...

you're reading this, and you're already bored.  you saw this link online somehow, and you're already wondering how long it will take me to get to the punchline.

i commend you for getting this far, but the reality is that most of us aren't interested in long explanations, we have become what the media complains about - fast.  we seek instant gratification, i say 'we' because i'm just as bad as anyone else.

we now live in a society where fabulous outweighs talented, where screams outweigh need, where everything happens fast and people want it faster.

what we've lost is communication - REAL communication.

when was the last time you explained your real feelings to someone?  when was the last time you did it in person?

emailing someone lots of 'i love you!' messages is normal these days, but when was the last time you sat with them, and told them why.  communicated it to them - showed them.

this doesn't apply to men you're hoping to get a ring from, or women you're hoping to lay - this applies to someone you're friends with, or someone who's family.  there are relationships we overlook because of our need for fast, and the shield we put up so we don't have to deal with rejection or take the time to deal with unpleasantness.

and the best part of it all is that each of us wants to believe we are pulling it off... when we all know that people see through the minutia of love emails and texts and posts.  but sticking with the lies is easier, so we press on.

friends you've had a disagreement with don't get to hear you say, "i'm sorry, i didn't see things that way because..." and then friendships are lost.  and why?  because it takes time to explain how you feel, and worse, you may have to lower your guard and look (or feel) like a fool.  "i'm sorry, i didn't... come to your party because my ex might have been there, and they've moved on to find someone else, and lately i've felt really alone and i just couldn't face them right now" - this completely explains how you feel, but leaves everything open, your soul, and your friendship.  they could reply with, "get over it!  it's been years since you two were seeing each other!"  but then you wouldn't have your feelings validated, and you're more hurt and alone - why risk it, right?

if you go to your parent and tell them, "i love you, but i feel uncomfortable because..." they may reply with something you don't want to hear... so we don't talk to our parents.  telling your parents that it bothers you to see them age is actually understandable, but it's something everyone has to deal with.  avoiding it just makes you look like a brat, like the adult child who wants everyone to think of them as a responsible adult, but really sidesteps things because she can't handle them.  worse are grandchildren, who always come up with a social need of epic importance in an effort to avoid their difficult  grandparent in declining health.  parents are then forced to communicate unpleasantness and deal with the resulting feeling that the child won't take care of them when they are in the same situation later in life - why risk it, right?

we have to learn to take risk again - we have to learn to tell the truth and express ourselves and work through the feelings we have.

the issues above are personal and close to us... but they have morphed into worse.  in these are the feelings we randomly throw out there socially.  the ego, the attitude, the unneeded emotion and commentary we use to quickly resolve a need.  we post comments online, we email, we text, but as issues draw closer to us, we do it in a fashion that keeps some distance from the truth.

people don't 'date' anymore... they text.  people don't 'hangout' anymore... they skype.  people don't 'experience' anymore... they google.  people don't 'share' anymore... they post.  and in all this is a loss of communication.

then, we cover it all up with mis-communication.  we skype about the things we learned on google like we've experienced them... then we post about things we skyped about, all while holding someone at bay via text instead of that date - because we were 'too busy' skyping and googling.

eventually things will fall apart... friendships dwindle as people understand each other less, parents make excuses out of embarrassment regarding the children who email 'i love you' but never want to be there for them or help them with grandparents, and life experience is lost in general to our passive modern methods of communication.

we don't own our mistakes anymore, we don't own our flaws, we get around them... then if confronted we panic, we throw out excuses about 'busy' and other drama to avoid... then we have to avoid more to keep the lies of mis-communication alive and avoid even more embarrassment.

it's easier to skype from our desks, and it's easier to text, and it's easier to google... but we are missing out more and more in the human experience.

if you're still reading this - color me impressed.

then ask yourself where you fall in to this.  do you tell people how you really feel?  do you communicate, or is it often a dramatic performance of expression in a panic because you're not a communicator?  do your friends know how you feel, or are you usually the one people can't get a straight answer from (who ends up with a new 'best friend' every few years)?  do your parents feel like they know you, or do they feel like they know you enough not to talk about things that will cause you to prove to them what kind of person you've become?

and sure, there is over-communication.  people don't need to know about your last trip to the bathroom, or about the epic experience you had helping your grandmother with hers.  but learn where the lines are between communication, privacy, and embarrassment.  not telling your friend you slept with their wife isn't a privacy issue, it's an embarrassment issue.

people get embarrassed about a lot.  sleeping with your friends wife should cause embarrassment... but not being there for your parents should also cause it.  being the guy who screwed up with a girl is embarrassing - being the guy who lied about her being too clingy or telling people she's a whore, when in reality you couldn't keep it together with her for some reason is just lies to cover embarrassment - it's the worst loss of communication possible.

and really, everyone sees through those things anyway... we all know it, so then we run back to skype and texting and google.

stop.

learn to communicate again.

learn to communicate with yourself, learn yourself, and then learn to be proud of yourself.  then learn to talk to people, in person, understand their feelings, and convey yours to them.

be embarrassed... life is embarrassment, it's ok.  then grow to get around what caused the embarrassment.  grow to be a better friend, grow to be a better parent, grow to be a better grandchild, grow to be someone who can think and communicate openly, grow to be someone who's life is extended via social and electronic media - not someone who's life's extent is electronic and social media.

grow - grow some balls.

communicate the truth... communicate in person... communicate with others... communicate yourself... and then enjoy the real happiness it provides.

balance

a few years ago i was lucky enough to take a trip to China.  as a country, China is exactly what the media portrays it, they don't care about who they hurt or how dirty things get, the system is most important.

however, in the history of China is something which i struggle with daily, which everyone struggles with, and if you can master it in every aspect of your life, you will find peace.  sadly, it's not something followed in China anymore...

balance.

too much of a bad thing, is obviously bad... and then there's the ironic 'too much of a good thing' aspect to deal with as well.

now, i can sit here and let you read a long drawn out philosophical view on this, but instead, i'm going to put this into real life examples.

- you take in 2000 calories a day, do you burn 2000 calories a day?

no, this is why we are fat.  this is why our country is fat.  this is why your kids are probably fat and will continue to be fat and will need to deal with epic health issues like heart disease and diabetes.  i'm not going to ramble about carbs or video games or why you have a sedentary job and i can't kick soda any more than you can stop drinking wine, but this isn't complex, and you don't have a genetic issue.

- you work 60 hours a week, do you spend that much time at play?

this one is great, people love to have an excuse as to why they work so much.  loving their job, needing to provide for family, lacking job security, trying to get ahead... all important reasons.  and all a solid path to a heart attack.  this is as much a mental thing as a time thing, if you work at your play time trying to make the best of it, you'll stress out just as much.

- you love your friends, do you make time for you family?

this can go both ways.  single people love to point out how little they see their married friends, and married people love to point out work and family as their 'excuse'.  at the same time plenty of people who are in both situations don't get to their core of family.  taking care of each other, being there for the monotonous and annoying things and so on.  your family is NOT your children.  and not having children or a spouse does not mean you don't have family.

- you know the latest in fashion, do you know your body?

i realize that not everyone sees themselves in the awesome light that i see myself in, after all, you all aren't me.  but even i know there are some things i shouldn't wear- things i'd love to wear, but things i shouldn't wear.  i'm doing my best not to point my finger at women here, as i can already hear the angry comments from the soccer moms stuffing their faces with jr's carb-laden snack mix and washing it back with another $6 bottle of Zin as they start their groans about how i have no idea what it's like.  actually, i do.  i know a rail thin therapist who specializes in eating disorders and thinks that Ashton Kutcher is the hottest man on the planet,  and is more than happy to point it out to men who don't have a lean buff bod.  i'm just smart enough not to care... or attempt to stuff myself in something originally designed for his body style then modified to fit the mass market.

- you know you like to have a good time, do you know how far to take it?

i'm the first person to say everyone should be themselves.  let me repeat that - BE YOURSELF - and be proud of that person no matter where you are.  at the same time, if you're the guy who ends up wasted on stage #3 attempting to show 'Ferrari' how to properly twerk it, then you probably need to learn some balance.  sure, when you were 22 that situation made sense... right out of college, if out at all.  when you're 42 you can be that person too, but don't be surprised when people think you're a jackass.  i have had many jackass moments to help me learn this lesson.  sadly, some people attempt to think they can do these things and then the guys will 'keep it quiet'.  no dumbass, they won't.

- you know what attracts the opposite (or same) sex, do you know what you're attracting?

i'm a guy, so i'm going to use women first, then attempt to use women.  gays & lesbians, you're on your own for this, but i'm sure you'll get the picture as the rules don't really change...  let's use boobs: show too much cleavage and you're a whore, don't show any cleavage and you're the difficult chick no one wants to suffer through.  too much leg and the only guys who talk to you are hoping for a cheap lay, don't show any leg and the only guys that will talk to you are the ones who are hoping to meet your rich father.  balance.  guys have it easier, a guy can dress modestly and women will talk to them - but guys, if you're constantly rolling through different expensive cars and watches, there's a reason why you only attract paper-chasers.  basically people, know your audience.  dress where you're comfortable, don't be afraid to take some chances, but be aware of what your comfort level tells people.

- you know how to keep your kids happy, do you know what you're raising?

i have a friend who's hard on kids, his logic is 'we are raising a generation of babies' (i'm paraphrasing as his term was a little more difficult).  i wish i could give my nieces anything they could ever want at times, luckily they aren't my kids and i can't afford to do so.  the reality of life is that it's harsh.  someone will steal from your kids, someone will reject them, someone will tell them they are ugly, someone will deny them a job or a membership or a spot on a team, and someone will break their heart.  they do need to know that their parents will always love them, but they don't need to know everything they do is always acceptable.  your child needs to learn that they have to provide for themselves, they need to learn to express themselves but not to rub it in other people's faces or be allowed to throw tantrums, and your child needs to be able to take criticism.  i know people who are a mess socially because their parents are afraid to put their foot down on little issues because they would rather have their kids be happy with them.  what?  you're the parent, you don't need their approval.

- you know how the world should work, do you know how to make it work?

everyone should have healthcare, and everyone should have free speech, and everyone should have privacy, and everyone should have happiness.  sometimes, this isn't realistic.  sometimes, some of those conflict.  we can't give everyone healthcare for free, and if you make it cheap then you pull happiness from some healthcare providers.  saying anything you want is legal, but that doesn't mean it's going to be helpful or productive.  and privacy is a great thing... until some guy wants privacy to keep new conquests from knowing he's really a man-whore and not the sweet man he's selling.  i don't know how to make things work, but honesty is a good start.

we have become a world of activists and opinions.  the greatest farce of ego is opinion, as it's usually based on emotion and history instead of facts and situation.  for example, we cannot compare the healthcare issues of everyday citizens to those who are soldiers in combat.  a responsible army cares for it's troops... and while many feel a responsible country should care for it's citizens, there is leeway for opinion which does not exist in combat.  one cannot apply their opinion fully if they have not lived through all sides and experienced the situation.  sure, people can estimate, possibly sympathize, but not empathize.

so when you look out to the world, try to act based on balance... realize that you may need to assess the situations of others, and realize that falling completely on one side of a decision may not be the best course.  calories need to be burned, children need to deal with life, parents need to tell their kids how they feel, everyone loves boobs & money, and there is no correct and one sided view of politics.

and too much of a good thing, can often be a bad thing.

answer your phone!

there has been a problem amongst a few of the people i know... they all make sure they have the latest in communications equipment, phones and computers and high speed internet connections...

but, you can never get some to answer the phone, and responses to emails or texts are at best delayed.

in a recent conversation with one of my friends who doesn't suffer from this problem we went back and forth about why this is happening.

here's what we realized first: you always got a response when trying to contact someone important.  not someone who wants you to think they are important, but someone who actually was important.  from CEO's and business leaders to doctors to people who were on the move with life and career, someone always answered the phone or responded.  now, it wasn't always them - but they weren't going to miss a call.

then we realized something else: the people least likely to take your call are the people who most wanted to appear important.  people who probably on some level realized that the important people were always in contact, so they don't respond because they are (in their mind) doing other or better or more important things.  the insecure, the people who were always trying to look good, those who more often than not were skeptical, the people with problems.

the problems... not the problems that big deal people face.  instead it's problems and running.  things they don't want to deal with.  things they can't deal with while wearing a smile.  the problems of the unhappy.  these people had a few rare people they responded to, safe people, the current best friend, the current love interest, but never anyone who didn't give them their quick fix of drama or importance.

we live in a time when people could be able to almost constantly communicate - almost to the point where it's annoying.  a person can be in a meeting, and at the same time is constantly looking at their phone, their emails, their texts, their social media.

but yet, you can't get a response from some people... unless they want something.  and those people really don't realize how poorly they look in the eyes of others while they try to be someone who looks perfect.

it's like they want to believe they are fooling everyone.

i know a woman, a beautiful and inspiring woman, a wealthy woman, a woman who owns her own business which is also a charity, a woman who is in the middle of completely remodeling a home, a woman who is on the brink of getting married, a woman with 2 dogs and many employees and a solid collection of friends all over our city and the country.  - a woman who almost always answers her phone, almost always gives you some kind of reply to texts and emails, a woman who more often than not remembers to think of others.

this woman is generally a happy person.

at the same time, i know a man who came from a prominent family, always drives expensive cars, lives in a fashionable neighborhood, owns a solid business development, has great family that he's always showering with gifts and gear, and likes to point out all his great connections. - a man who's ruined his lifelong friendships with greed and insecurity, has racked up an unbelievable and little known mountain of debt, secretly lives a life of turmoil, a man who never answers his phone or replies to texts.

this man isn't very happy.

are these just two random people, and the lack of response to others not a factor to their lives or happiness?

well, i'm not a shrink... and certainly there are people who are completely happy being alone.  but it seems the people who want to be loved and respected while not adjusting who they are end up being the ones who hide.

they aren't always hiding of course, they have needs, they have wants, they have things they want to do - and they are more than happy to involve you when they need you.  but do they answer the phone when it doesn't suit them?  do they answer the phone if they are just sitting at home doing nothing and you want to say hello?

probably not.

why?  who knows...  maybe i'm not as close to these people as i think i am.  and... maybe the other people who have noticed this aren't as close either.  some are sisters and brothers of the people in question, but who knows, family doesn't mean much these days.

and would it make a difference if they responded?  maybe not.  who's to say they'd give you any kind of response you want?  so many people these days give faux emotional responses, trendy emoji's, and LOL's to their friends, and a never ending stream of texted 'I LOVE YOU's to their friends and family.  of course, everyone likes to know they are loved, but when you get an easily sent text and no actual effort, you start to notice this is a knee-jerk response that probably has little to no actual value.  and when you never see the person Laugh Out Loud or show you that they actually love you when you need them... you start to see the truth.

worse, we live in a time when the latest technology offers you the ability to send 'read receipts' to people - you can tell people that you got their message.  i do this, most of my close friends do, and when i send them a text, i can see that the read it and when.

but... you can (on some level) tell what kind of person you're dealing with when they disable this feature.  they don't want you knowing they ignored you, even though its obvious from the lack of response - but maybe by the time you realize it, you'll forget they may just be an asshole.

and that's an important issue - no one wants to be the asshole.  they may say they don't care, but they do, if they didn't care they'd let you know they read your text and you can suck it up.  no, they want to be loved, but they may not want to put in the work.

guess what - you're not fooling anyone... you never replied.  you couldn't even kick out an 'ok', or a 'i will call you later'.  the latest iPhone actually has a feature that allows you to kick out a nearly automated reply text when you can't answer the phone.  they have actually factored in to the design of the phone that most people want to NOT come off looking like an asshole.

on some level, people need to realize the levels that are communication... you can ignore someone, you can text them, you could talk to them on the phone, you could talk with them in person, and you could be with them with little to no notice for any level of importance.

and in that, you show what kind of person you are.  being someone who barely contacts others or barely responds paints a picture of a fairly sad person, and the person who's always giving an actual response to others shows the world how solid they are.

i don't know what to think of people at times, have some of us started to lean so heavily on the crutch that is technology, or has it become yet another way for people to see the emptiness in others?

here's what i do know - if you want to be a better person in the eyes of others, answer your phone.

working the system, aren't you?

so here's the problem - everyone is political, they all have their opinions... and the odds are, you're all doing the same thing.

first, let's look at big business.  what assholes.
big business works the system, they spend money making sure their pockets are lined with politicians and judges that rule in their favor.  they make arguments about how their failure will impact the whole country, and they get bailouts then don't pay taxes on epic income levels.

second, let's look at the little people, the poor, the people who are just getting by.  what losers.
a lot of the little people work the system as well, they want programs, so they vote for government that gives them benefits and social systems and lowers any taxes they may have paid as well.

let's take it further...

in mid-2013 the world watched as George Zimmerman was acquitted of murder for his shooting young Trayvon Martin because a law had been passed saying anyone who felt threatened could lethally defend themselves... but no one noticed that this was far from the only case where 'stand your ground' was the defense.  a widely overlooked reality is that two drug dealers with past felony conviction and prison time got in a shootout, one killed the other, and the one who survived said he was threatened, and got only a slap on the wrist for being a 'felon in possession of a firearm'.

so we have politics and law and finance all listed above, and all being taken advantage of.

what is the solution?  is there one?

some would argue that government should be more involved... of course, more government means more political corruption and more taxes.  less government means more freedom... of course that means more freedom for people to screw each other over.

you have to do what you can do, right?  so you have to help yourself - and if the system let's you get a free phone or healthcare or let you expense a horse for your wife or line up a country club membership to use regularly and write off against your income, that makes sense, right?

here's the thing, you're reading this, and your'e forming an opinion that fits YOU.

you are thinking about how YOU need to keep your business going, so YOU need that law passed that makes it easier for you to do business.  you are thinking about how YOU need a cell phone for free so that YOU can keep your life moving.

no one is thinking about the bigger picture.

i have many friends, all good people, all charitable.  many would be OFFENDED at the idea of me telling them they are doing something wrong, unethical, or immoral.  at the same time, all over the world, the Roman Catholic church operates parishes, and many of them have schools... and those schools are supported by the money each person gives in tuition and to their parish.

the problem is that i know a lot of people who don't send their kids to the school for the parish their home is in, they send their kids to the school at a wealthier parish.  they attend church at a wealthier parish - and they make the excuse about how the school is better, and how their kids deserve the best.

the truth is that Catholic schools are cheap when compares to private schools, and they won't turn anyone away.  so... my upstanding friends are working the system.  they are working the system just as much as someone who abuses welfare or hires a lobbyist to twist laws in their favor.

some of those friends are lawyers... they will comment to me about dirty politicians, they will go to church, they will scoff and those who abuse welfare... and then they take cases that abuse laws and get them 1/3 of massive settlements.

the truth is that while those laws were created to keep people from abusing each other, the same laws are being used to abuse the system.  while the poor scream 'no one needs to make millions a year as a CEO!', the insurance companies scream 'no one needs to get millions from a car accident!'.  and the lawyers make money coming and going... they are working the system just as much as anyone else.

we have those who take phones and money and EBT cards from the government, spending other people's money on their needs, weakening the system.  we have business leaders who put earnings in their own pockets instead of their employees or taxes, weakening the system.  we have killers who abuse laws meant to allow people to defend themselves, which will lead to people being unable to do so and causing more crime, weakening the system.  we have middle class people who attend the nicer parish with their time and their money, leaving the other parishes they are supposed to attend weaker, and thus weakening the system.  we have lawyers who fight daily for the little man, but push for big payouts, lining their pockets with their portion, giving less to the little man, and taking large payouts from defendants and insurance companies, weakening the system.

and, these are just the examples.

and each of those will make excuses - EPIC REASONS - why they need their loophole.

the poor NEED that healthcare, they can't afford it without the government help!  without it, millions will suffer - think of the big picture!

big businesses NEED those lobbyists to keep laws and contracts in place so their businesses can continue, without it, they can't keep their employees - think of the bigger picture!

people NEED to be able to defend themselves with 'stand your ground', without it, people will spend a fortune defending themselves in court and face prison for simply defending themselves - think of the big picture!

my kids NEED to be able to be at the best schools!  we NEED to be in the best parish!  if they go to the lesser equipped school it could damage their education and limit their lives, and you could be limiting our connection which impact them - think of the big picture!

i NEED to be able to take 1/3 of the winnings in court settlements!  without it my legal business can't fight for the little man - think of the big picture!

so... the poor, big business, the people, the average family, and even the crusader for the the little man, they all have an excuse.  and each of you have formed an opinion on who should get a pass.

the truth is there's a solution for each of these situations...

the poor could fend for themselves, they did it in the past, they banded together, family took care of each other and so on...

big business could live by the rules of business, in that they have to survive on their own and not get bailouts or breaks...

the legal thing - hmm... well, we no longer allow our judges to use common sense, instead they must follow the letter of the law.  on some level this should be obvious, at the same time it's the most complex...

parents could just bite the bullet, live by the same rules that apply to public schools and parks, and teach their kids a great lesson in the process.  in my example, diocese could make rules requiring people to use their own parish, but they fear lower attendance, and they want the kids in Catholic schools instead of the private schools parents would probably opt for...

lawyers.  hmm.  well, this one is an opinion issue.  i'm a fan of tort reform in that punitive damages could be required to go completely to charity, allowing the lawyers to only collect from winnings a billed rate.  assuming their all honest and won't pad their bills...

and really, the worst part of all this is that we're 'fixing' problems with more 'rules' that people will find ways to get around instead of doing what most people know (on some level) to be wrong.

it won't really matter how you feel - you aren't going to stop the poor from taking advantage of handouts to them any more than you'll stop big business.  no one wants to stand up for themselves and face prison for it, and how dare anyone tell a parent that their kids don't deserve the best, right?  and the lawyers, well, we all need them to fend off everything listed above.

and i'm not saying that we shouldn't have loopholes, you will always have 'grey area' in life.

it should be said that i'm not completely innocent in all this, when i go to mass i go to the wrong parish simply because it's much closer than the one i'm supposed to go to... i don't give them any money or send my kids there, but i'm willing to admit that i'm just as bad for it.

but as we go on through life pointing fingers, let's go ahead an all admit that we are all the same shit as the people we disagree with.

Zimmerman trial - right and wrong and remaining calm

i've been watching social media for the last few days, many people are up in arms, and if George Zimmerman killed someone based on his race, he needs to be strung up by the balls.

BUT - how we as a people go about doing that was handled completely wrong.

first, everyone needs to know and accept the 'stand your ground' laws that exist.  you may not agree with them, but they are there, so they are the first issue.

realize that aside from the Zimmerman case, this law has been in effect for some time, and has been abused at length.  even in a basic search of news reports can help you find cases in Florida where convicted drug dealers would get into shoot-outs, and one would kill the other, and the person who survived was only charged with 'felon in possession of a firearm' and not murder - why?  because in Florida, if you can convince a jury that you felt threatened, you can kill someone.

and, since we're all a dramatic people these days, it's not difficult to convince people that you were threatened.

second, while the act of feeling threatened gives you the right to be lethally defensive, it doesn't give you the right to kill someone because they are black.  this is a civil rights violation.

so - how should the government have gone after George Zimmerman while following the laws?  this should have been a civil rights case.  someone should have gotten him on the stand and somehow caused him to use terms that would have labeled Trayvon a hoodie wearing thug - because of his race, and poof... conviction.

sadly, the government didn't handle it properly.  al capone fell because of tax laws, not because he blatantly violated liquor laws.  prosecutors should have thought this out better, they should have thought out the best way to make sure this guy went to jail, but for whatever reason they did not - yet.

we as a people have a choice, we can continue to rant and rally about the loss of this young man, or we can do our best to influence the right cause of action.

remember - people are stupid, but persons are smart.

don't fall victim to hype, think this out, then contact who you need to by the best means and do what you can to make sure the correct process takes place.

if George Zimmerman is guilty of killing Trayvon Martin because he was black in any way, the he needs to be brought up on federal civil rights charges, because in Florida, once there's a fight, you are supposed to 'stand your ground'.

we as a people are again falling victim to pundit led drama, while politicians ramble about the need for justice - but actually do nothing to properly handle this case.  not only is Trayvon a victim here, so are we as we fall prey to spin and drama created by people who are increasing their image and lining their pockets while doing nothing.

let's never forget that a young man was murdered, and how sad we are - but - at the same time, the murder rate for young black men in Chicago is higher than the death rate of our soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq.

over the last few days, i've seen many rallies and protests nationally about this case.  the idea that action is needed may be right - but where are the rallies and protests against the every day murders in Chicago or L.A.?  why aren't these groups organizing against the every day murders which we can't hang on a schlub like George Zimmerman?

before we get too worked up, we need to find out why Obama didn't press his people into filing federal civil rights charges against Zimmerman, and we need to ask ourselves why Al Sharpton isn't in Chicago.

What Black Men Think... And America Too

A few nights ago I was unable to sleep, and the Documentary channel had on a piece called "What Black Men Think", I expected some controversial rants by rap stars and pundits about the fight of the oppressed african-americans.

Then as I watched I was reminded of a production I saw on CNBC about a week earlier called "America's Gun: The Rise of the AR-15".  In that, I expected lengthy information about the evils of firearms and the ways that assault rifles are responsible for that majority of crimes and deaths in the United States.  I was wrong.

And I was wrong about "What Black Men Think" as well.

(Links to information on both will be found at the bottom)

Janks Morton created the documentary piece on the views of black men in a way that was extremely informative... but let me cut to the chase for my readers:  what you think, probably isn't true.  In fact, he goes to great lengths to show that the majority of african-americans believe the same things, and they are wrong.

and, they are victims of hype.

His best example?  'are there more black men in college or jail?' - everyone thinks jail.  And why not?  we've been sold examples like this for decades, but the reality is that it's skewed.  In the film he asks many the same question, and everyone answered 'jail', but the numbers prove otherwise.

From there he goes on to tackle other beliefs, from the loss of family structure to unemployment and many others, and how they impact african-american history.  Each of the common beliefs shared by myself, many people I know, and many of those he interviewed were proven to be lies.

Who would tell us these lies?

I then remembered the CNBC piece on the AR15.  Since NBC has been long known as part of the 'liberal media' and I assumed a piece from their 'business news network' would tow the usual liberal line of dramatic gun control ideals.  And, it definitely did at times, accenting the damage done to human bodies at the Colorado theater shooting, and pointing out that the same model AR15 used there was in the possession of the killer at Sandy Hook.

But then the facts came in: long guns (rifles and shotguns) are responsible for 4% of crimes in the United States, and the AR15 was such a small portion of that 4% that and exact percentage of crimes that involved it or assault weapons in general couldn't (or maybe wouldn't be) given.

Americans have been lead to believe that the AR15 and other assault rifles deserve our attention, review, and legislation.  We have also been led to believe that every day black men are using assault rifles to commit crimes in their effort to be... whatever the image of gangsta black men is.

Lies.

We have all become the victims - the WILLING VICTIMS - of what sells.  We believe the drama, and the excuse it gives us to be lazy.

This may seem to be my opinion, but the facts are the facts, and the opinion shared by many of the leaders and pundits found in both films.  Watching Juan Williams and the ATF's Charles Houser kick out facts that would surprise us all about these two issues would embarrass most Americans.

To find out that most black men are simply wanting a quiet life and family, and that all but an unmeasurably small percentage of assault rifles are owned by law abiding citizens - this is NOT what we find juicy and dramatic.  It's much easier to assume that black men are all poor and have no role models, and are forced to live on welfare but can't get by because they have too many baby-mommas, so they start 'bangin' and carrying assault rifles and live a criminal life, right?  No one wants to believe that the larger percentage of black men want to finish high school, go to college, meet a nice girl, and never be involved in a cime... even one that involves a gun of any kind.

But, it's true.

The saddest part of our current reality is our arrogance and our ego, and the need we have to follow passion and drama in an attempt to excite our own lives.  And in this we have found leaders who are willing to sell us this crap to line their pockets.

Who's to blame?  Both pieces point out the leadership we follow who no longer goes out of it's way to solve problems, but instead goes out of it's way to create problems so they have something to solve.

We are the last world power, imagine where we would be if we didn't waste our time on issues that cannot be resolved.

In each piece, the facts remained: 'there will never be a world without racism' and 'there will never be a world without crazies who abuse guns'.

As I watched Shelby Steele make statements like "I lived through segregation, and let me tell you, racism is no longer an excuse as to why you can't make it in America, the only excuse left is yourself", he admits that there will always be discrimination, but that can impact anyone, as people can be discriminated against for their poverty or their wealth or any number of things.

And back to assault rifles, as Brian Sullivan points out that assault rifles have been the victim of discrimination and image.  The truth remains that the most commonly used tool for murder in America - is the blunt object.  But we can't outlaw all the blunt objects, so we give the evil looking assault rifle the bad rap, and get all excited.

I recently had a woman I know get very emotional about the gun issue, claiming there was no need for people to have "multiple magazine clips".  Sadly, anyone who knows the slightest about guns knows that her verbiage makes no sense whatsoever.  There is no such thing as a 'multiple magazine clip' - but, she had heard those words in a big dramatic portrayal, and she was going to be a part of it.  In the end, any magazine fed gun can have multiple magazines, just like a car can have multiple spare tires... and a clip is used to load magazines, they aren't really the same part.

With that, I was recently told of another person I know who went out of her way to do something she shouldn't have done, in an effort to do the right thing, and in the end it was because she was stopping someone who 'looked shady'.  I'm avoiding the details on purpose, but in the end, what made the person look shady to them?  They were poor and black.  Sad.  And worse, in hindsight, they were probably the better course of action which she stopped.  Very sad.

So many of us want to be the 'liberal' and fight the 'oppression' and do away with 'dangers' and the 'evils' of modern society.  But it's a rare few who want to take the time to find out the facts, and instead fight for the truth, no matter where it lies on party lines.

We have to stop being victims to the hype, and we have to accept the truth.  There will always be assholes who point the finger at the poor, other races, other faiths, and so on... and with that, always be assholes who will go out of their way to hurt others by extreme measures.

These are NOT excuses for each of us to stop expecting the best from others.  These are NOT reasons to pass 'laws' that tell others how to act and what to own.  These are NOT the way to see the world, when we can instead use our time moving forward instead of trying to micro-manage the now.

Because we have become a land that focuses on lies.





What Black Men Think:
http://whatblackmenthink.com/what-black-men-think/

trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIecPA_Q_gA&feature=youtu.be

America's Gun: The Rise of the AR-15:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/america-gun-rise-ar-15-tv-review-article-1.1326336

my response to the tragedy at the 2013 Boston Marathon

just after the bombing of the Boston Marathon we announced, footage was shown were only one person seemed to fall down, there was barely a stumble... and i didn't think anyone was hurt.  subsequently i made a sarcastic post online which (as details developed) angered a few.  well, the actor in me is at least happy that i caused an emotional response, my coaches should be happy with that.  however, in the light of the resulting information about the bombing i posted this response:


for what it's worth, my comments were an attempt at satire... my words an example of the over-reaching state of panic expressed in the face of today's problems from the other side of the coin.  my problem with all this isn't anyone's view on any one topic as much as it is with the panic and the results of any person or person's deciding they have the right to impede the freedom of another.

the facts of this issue are simple, they are in between the details: more crimes are committed with handguns and shotguns than assault weapons... just like more crops are grown with fertilizer than homemade bombs made with the same chemicals, and more models & crafts are made with exacto knives than college kids cut up in texas... but in our world of panic and confusion, those could come next.  the issue isn't fertilizer or guns or craft knives, it's arrogance.

people get emotional and point out the nasty looking things or pick out a scape goat because of a tragedy, and tell others what they do and don't need, because they are on the side of safety!  then some emotional and angry version of the conflicting opinion comes in to scream back.  then we are all worked up into emotions, and the politicians take advantage of the chance to distract us from pollution, or the economy, or GMO's... and in the end, we lose more freedom and sometimes more.

because the actions of the few should be allowed the limit the actions of the law-abiding many?  because after 200 years, the hundreds of millions who lived here happily around fertilizer and guns and knives somehow survived in the face of the few criminals and crazies?  because the actions of those crazies are worth the time and effort we could be putting into feeding and educating people and developing ways to help those who need it so that in the future they aren't driven by poverty or mental distress to hurt others?

and really, we can't get to them all.  there will always be poverty and crime and the few crazies that slip through the fingers of society.  limiting the freedoms of others because of our fears will never stop that.

no... my issue isn't gun control, it's the panic and arrogance that surrounds it.  no one wanted to ban planes after 9/11, because it would be illogical to do so.  it was proven that 19 hijackers could use 3 planes to kill 3000 people, but we all know it's illogical to ban planes.  and we all know it's illogical to ban fertilizer, even though the original attack on the World Trade Center was with truckloads of explosives made with fertilizers.  but that's our thing now, right?  find something to ban... stop people from being fat by banning large sodas, and stop cancer by banning smoking, right?  no... fatties will still find soda, and smokers will still smoke, just like junkies somehow by some miracle of modern society manage to find heroin even though it's been banned for decades.

i am saddened more than most of you will care to notice over the events at this year's Boston marathon, because of the loss of futures and opportunities and the chance for those people to enjoy their lives.  and i am reminded of our youth when we could meet our visiting travelers at the gate, when someone could drink a huge soda if they wanted, when women didn't have to worry about having something slipped into their drinks at a bar, when privacy wasn't a concern... because we all didn't have that much to hide.

the solution is not bans or laws or grand posturing by everyone from politicians to the people of facebook... the solution is... well, it's whatever keeps those of us in this discussion from shooting up a bus station while doing heroin and drinking a case of soda.  i don't know what to call it, but it's not a law.

maybe i'm the fool for not recognizing all the 'progress' we are making with our modern paranoias.  but don't be fooled, laws don't help, you can't 'govern' morality.  laws don't make the world a better place any more than a rifle brought bin laden to justice.  good people make the world a better place, just like good people finished bin laden.

and good people (not rhetoric, or politics, or laws that limit the people willing to follow them) will make the world a better place in the future.