i love being wrong

in the last few years, i have watched people bury themselves being right... so much that it's really starting to strike me as a problem.  i'm wondering if it's something treatable, or just a sign of age.  and worse, they aren't being right about a big issue of ethics or politics, but personal issues that no one else really cares about, yet, they push forward so much that it's impacting their lives and they are oblivious.

well, maybe they aren't oblivious, but they can't change - and thats why i wonder if its an issue that could be treated.  then again, if they don't care enough to recognize and address it, is it a problem?  they're all adults and they can do whatever they want, right?

one is a guy who recently divorced, who with his behavior has managed to render himself basically friendless.  he obsesses with his appearance to the world, and making sure he has the best.  he thinks he's just taking care of himself and his kids, but in the end he's just acting in ways that people can't understand - and his reactions to being questioned cause everyone to back away.  it didn't help when he decided to make a habit out of dating people who should be on the 'no-fly' list... exgf's and ex-wives of close friends, or attempts to date family members of friends who have clearly stated their lack of interest because of his other actions.  in the end, it's a problem that just continues itself, and he can't be talked to.

another is a guy who was actually involved in someone's death, managed to bury it, and has also managed to render himself friendless.  there are plenty of people who are dying to be around this guy and let him believe what he wants for what he can provide... but today, he came up with someone who knows him much better than i, and her face went from happy to blank... i asked, "is the problem drugs or psychological?"  and she just replied, "yes".  being surrounded by 'yes' people, this problem may never be questioned.

a third is a guy who i don't talk to anymore, but who keeps coming up more and more as the holiday season causes me to see more people... and each person questions me about him, spouting their opinions as i eagerly work to drop the topic.  and in the end, each person is talking about their issues with him - at one point a conversation almost started with an accusation that i stopped talking to him because he's gay... an accusation which i find offensive - but somewhat ironic since the reason i stopped talking to him is because he was constantly accusing me of being the reason people think he's gay.  gay or not, he wants people to believe he isn't, and he wants to believe that he's not the slightest bit responsible for the rumors.  it couldn't possibly be any fault of his own, and the topic angers him, so i am yet one of many who have reason to avoid him... which is sad since we were at one point very close.

the last on my mind is a person i know who's family seems to spend a great amount of time with me talking about her issues in how they handles their life.  zero commitment, and an inability to stick to anything - which i don't have a problem with, but i can understand why people would question things.  this is one of many issues people have, small ones, that point to a larger problem of just not wanting to deal with life - but wanting to appear like she's so busy doing everything.  in the end, their world has been filled with people who have to be concerned about their jobs if this person is not happy, or a family who's afraid to tell them how they feel because this person may make holidays dramatic.  oh - thats the best part, this person loves to go on and on about how much they hate drama, but they are the primary source of it for many, awesome.

SO - what the hell is wrong with people that you can't just sit them down and say how you feel anymore?  i love that my friends can tell me when i'm making an ass of myself, or when i'm a problem, or when i'm a mess, and at least make me admit that i know i'm doing something wrong.

when we were young, we had to learn by people telling us where we made our mistakes - now, it seems that some people won't listen...

have you ever wondered why there are people who get older and just decide they can't be talked to?  NOW - i'm not saying that i'm right... but the evidence kinda speaks for itself... everyone else can't be wrong in the world, right?  tell me netizens, how do you talk to someone who's right?

tweet

i'm thinking of moving to Twitter more...  i'm looking at my posts on Facebook and i get a tons of responses to almost anything i post there; a producer i know calls it my 'Facebook Fan Base' - what?  really?

so many people on Facebook are at best mundane so maybe i should be proud on some level... after all, i'm still attempting to work in entertainment, and every coach i've had has told me that my first goal is to get an emotional response - hopefully the one i want.

but i can post anything on Facebook and i seem to get a reaction - today i posted gay teaser video!  proudly posted an awesome video of three of the fabulous attempting to do their own Speedo laden dance off to a catch Spice Girls tune, and why not, it was pretty entertaining.  and in seconds, i had comments.

i dont mind the comments, why would anyone post anything without expecting comments.  thats the best part of facebook - so many people use it for validation.  they'll post anything for validation... "my kid is 3 and just fed itself - yay!" or "look at me i'm on a date!" or "look how much i can travel for business!" or my favorite, the 'look at all this i want you to be secretly jealous of, so i'm going to complain about it' people... awesome.  but at least they have something to say, right?  there will always be the lurkers, those who love to limit who can see their page or check-ins and just watch others casting judgement they wouldn't date submit themselves for... gotta love double standards.  Facebook should be public and security free... but that's a different blog.

which reminds me - think about this:  there are no bad pictures of Kate Beckinsdale ladies, its not because she's always surrounded by professional camera and lighting crews - its because she takes care of herself enough to always look good.  stop detagging yourself, and consider a diet and exercise review.

and dudes, if you've ever detagged yourself from a pic that actually had your face in it - you have issues.  stop being such a girl, you're not that important no matter what your insecurity issues want you to believe.

facebook is reality on many levels... anyone who will lie to your face is probably going to lie on facebook, in fact, they're probably more likely to on facebook or anywhere else online.  at the same time, if you take facebook that seriously, you take life too seriously.  instead of taking life so seriously, consider taking a reality check seriously.

you're the reason people like you or not.  you're the reason you like you.  if you don't like your pics or what other people say in their posts, realize that the pic is of you (no matter how ugly or stupid it makes you look, because you're the one who drinks too much and got fat and did something embarrassing).

but - ANYWAY - yeah... Twitter.  I'm wondering if it's possible to create a fanbase on twitter... and would people comment as much or... how do i judge if people will even look?  hell, no one reads this - and if you are, i doubt you've ever made any comments (only 3 comments have been made, ever).

maybe i should just keep posting videos of young gay men... i wonder how much of that it would take to convince the world that i am gay, and then what i'd have to do to get them to realize i'm not.  blah, i dont care what people think enough to put all that effort in, odds are if people have already made their decision on me and nothing's going to change their minds now.   whatever anyone thinks, i encourage them to spread the word - especially if you have a hot sister or daughter.

hmm... Facebook for me:  http://www.facebook.com/rjvalenta  and then Twitter for me: https://twitter.com/#!/rjvalenta  what can i do to even them out?

about a week ago i was at a party and someone who tracks me on both mentioned that i should tweet more, but why waste the time if the result on twitter can't be realized?

it's frreeeezziiiinngg!!

I'm already tired of the cold, it's so cold that I'm letting myself be manipulated, ha.

I'm trying to get back into working, I basically took November off... I went off diet, stopped farming business, put off potential jobs, stopped working out, etc... it was ugly. I am really not liking the cold this year- then, my jacksauce friend added the Cataclysm expansion to my WoW account... hmm... easy distraction from the cold...

then it got to be December, and SOMEONE got tired of me hiding at home. it was ok when I was dieting and working out all the time, but now she's bored!

so, even more distractions! these are the problems that face my life, gorgeous blondes demanding my time, sleeping in all the time, and eating like crap.

ok, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it; and you may as well enjoy life, right? there are people who will poss away their lives at work, periodically taking breaks for vacations... but really in the end they spend most of their lives at work or at home.

think about it, that's kinda sad.

not that I'm much better in this cold, but really think about it people! on some level, I guess I can see those with kids as having a constant project going on which has many facets- bit there are some single people who work and go home and work and go home and work and then on weekends spend a few hours with people they wants to believe are friends... but... they are just the people they get to have as an excuse to leave the house... sad.

I'm lucky. I don't have to sit home bored, I don't have to spend time in awkward relationships with people who will never really know me.  I have to fight to stay at home alone, ha.  Tonight I gave in, I needed motivation to get moving in this cold... so I spent the night in a Clayton bar with the beauty and 2 friends, one of which I've been close to almost my whole life.

I'm a lucky man.

holiday shopping

i spent today shopping with a friend for Christmas gifts... a true irony since this guy has everything he wants and it's become a long running joke of the impossibility to get him a good gift.

i'm not a huge fan of the holidays as i've been on a mission to not eat and i've already been invited to a ton of holiday parties by friends and businesses and law firms and charities - all of which amount to an immense show of booze and food.  i will probably skip most of them, or make short appearances early before everyone's well sedated and pushing me to catch up.  i'm somewhat proud of my going without booze since my father's october birthday, not that i wouldn't enjoy a drink, but booze is just a gateway to being a fatty.

and the gift i'm giving myself this year, is body.

Thankful

in the last 48 hours i've had a great family event, been invited to live at a hot chick's place in LA, successfully created a way to organize my pictures online, and helped my nieces deal with all the changes they've been going through.  blah...

in reality, i'm lucky, and i'm just thankful.

i complain about a lot of stupid in life, and yes i can be vocal about it, but in the end i don't think anyone who can read this has much reason to complain in life.  i mean, if you're reading this, you're at a computer, and you're online.

stop for a minute and realize how many people not online didn't just have a huge Thanksgiving meal, but barely get to have meals.

be nice to one another, accept... see all you have and let go of the drama people.

clearing out the past

i feel a little sad today... i realized last night that it was time to do something i had been putting off for months, if not years - cleaning up my address book.

my address book sits on my Google Apps account, and feeds out to all my computers and devices keeping them in sync.  some of those devices also pull information from Facebook and Twitter and so on, plus anyone who's in my G+ circles has the ability to update their own data, and so on... and when women get married or people move and only change their info in one place you end up with extra information, old information, duplications, and so on - ugh, it was a mess.  to the tune of 1300 contacts.

my friend reminded me that some of them were even dead.  reality.

facebook is trying to be a global address book of sorts, those who use it on a mobile level may have noticed it regularly asking for your phone number - this is why.  i realized that the 800 people on facebook don't all need to be in my address book for just that reason.  some of them i rarely talk to, some of them i will probably never need to talk to - but if i really must find them, they were be there.  poof - 100 people gone from the 1300.

(however, the reality is that while i keep a policy that i need to have really known someone before i add them on facebook, via school, or work, or something present or past... the reality is that i could probably clip another 100 from the fb list as well - i'll have to come back to that).

Google has many features, including the ability to find and merge duplications - poof, another 100 gone.  this wasn't as easy for all of them, as some of them were Sr. and Jr. men who shouldn't be merged, and others were women who's names had changed that were listed twice because the link to Facebook had them differently than in my address book.  personally, if i knew you before you got married (and especially if i dont really know your husband), then i know you by your old name... but, to make things easy, i gave and merged new names into old.

then, the dead... this was kind of a bummer.  one woman died a few years ago, she was a brilliant and giving soul who's body just wasn't able to keep going.  i hate to see good people go, she was so fragile, but had no fear, and through her life of poor health recognized what was worth being bothered by and what was a waste of time.  i remember a night when she and i went out and ran into two of the loudest most obnoxious men i know, and she handled them with no problem - even to the point where by the end of the night one was helping her broken body get around, up and down stairs and so on.  on some level, she brought out a good side to the bad.  i didn't know her as well as i wish i had, and it sucked to delete her if only because she was such a good person.  however, life goes on.

from there, an app - because there's always an app for that.  i broke out the MyPhone+ app for iPhone and used that to update as much information in people that could be matched to my facebook friends (541 of them i think)... this also helped with the name changes and so on, though my niece adding to her name had to be adjusted.  after that - another merge.

after that, another page by page review - i'm finally below 950.  this is crazy... i look at some of these people and realize that i may never do business with them, or that the odds are slim i'll ever need to call my friend's mother... but then i think that the point of this is to have those listed so that in the event of the need its available to me.

and, the Google Contact List is the cornerstone of all the Google services... so, G+, and Latitude, and all the facial recognition tags in my Picasa will be screwed up if i delete someone who's listed in any of that, so i can't just take someone out because i talk to them daily.

so... who to keep and who should go?  on some level i'm going to stick with the facebook idea in that i've been lucky enough to meet and get along with many good people in my life.  just this past spring i met a man in hong kong who talks to me often on facebook, great guy, and if i need to contact him i can always do it via facebook.  some people have left facebook for personal reasons, so i'll keep them in my address book.  others have done the infamous 'defriending' of me for one reason or another... i know one woman does that simply because she only uses facebook to communicate with people she is currently actively social with, so she stays in the address book... another woman defriended me for unknown reasons, but has had numerous emotional issues over the last few years and often pointed the finger at others in her inability to move on.... yeah... i'm not sure how to handle her... ugh, before the drama we were friends, she didn't get up in my face about it, and i can't just let people go like that, so she stays.

hmm.... the list gets thinner... women i dated but never had a friendship with and haven't spoken to in a while - gone.  you were all beautiful in some way, but if we aren't talking there's a reason... and in reality, getting you back into the fold would probably just lead to trouble.  i'm sure there's a few of you on facebook that need to come to the same fate.

family... oof... my mom is one of 17 kids, there's a LOT of family in my address book.  however, i also get a printed family buzzbook every year, and my mom is a walking address book... so, i may have to thin that out a bit.

then there's an odd problem i think many people have - people i keep in my address book because i DON'T want to hear from them.  people who's name i want to pop up on my screen so i know NOT to answer... how long do i let that go until i've decided they're probably not going to call anymore?  i'm going to go with a year.

i have a friend who keeps well under 100 people in his address book, and those people generally only get one email address, etc.  he's not very social.... and i'm on the other end of the spectrum.  i need to work on keeping this simple, yet current and well rounded.  if anyone has tips - i'd love to hear them!

photo migration

some time ago, i got big into pictures, big into memories, and keeping them.

i wasn't going to put too much effort into it, but i wanted to put in a solid effort to keep an archive of my photos from my life, if only so that i could look back at them over time and relive, or relearn.

this past weekend, i found out that a woman i know lost the last 6 years worth of pictures because she had them all on her hard drive, but didn't do any kind of backup... nothing burned to a disk, no saved SD Cards, no online albums.  this sucks.

i have been keeping a growing photo archive on Picasa, and decided to move it this weekend to an account i use more often.  i may actually keep the old account and lock it down just to have two places to store things, because on some level they are precious.

never again will i see my nieces small, i won't share those moments with friends again at home or traveling, i don't want to forget those who are no longer in my life and why and what i learned from having them in life, losing them to death, or letting them go.

i'm going to eventually have to post another blog as to how i keep my pictures archived, especially now that in so many ways it is SO simple.