ladies call us women

so last night, Spoon and i went to an event for St. Cecilia's parish.  it was a great event at a nearby prep school where my mother bid on and won a basket of baby items for a friend of mine.  the parish is making a name for itself because it is riddled with poverty and was facing closure but has managed to turn their school into a place where nearly 100% of their students go on to private prep schools.  they do it, and some of their books are older than their students.  its an amazing thing.

it saddens me a little that some of these students are using books older than them, and an entire class of students can be given new books for a few thousand dollars - books that can be reused for years of students to come... yet, the people in my world choose to spend their money on new cars and hottubs.  but, to each their own i guess, it would be refreshing to think some of them would randomly show up at the doorstep of this school and just hand them a wad of cash and leave.

the event ended early, and i had a group of friends forming downtown that were heavily requesting my presence.  spoon changed and we went downtown.  we arrived at a little bar where a gal i know (Jenn) serves up drinks, and it seemed some of the people i knew there had been drinking for a while.  we were of course warmly received and the night moved on, but somewhere in the mix Jenn asked me what the new drama in my little crew was, and why...

i couldn't really explain it, again.  not in a way that seemed to make sense.  the conversation continued off and on while she giggled at us all, and laughed at how my guys, the 'men' in my world were really just forever a group of girls.  at each turn she made the point over and over again, and over time it got worse as comparisons were made to make the drama seem nearly Kardashian, and as others joined in the conversation the sexuality of some were again pointed out to be a lie.

and sadly, some of what she was pointing out had become normal for me.  the childish actions, the possessiveness, the sadly weak egos and insecurity that caused some of them to lash out or separate themselves alone or in groups.  and worse, as we age there seem to be some who use being an 'adult' as an excuse to do the same things they have done all along.  they peacock themselves and refuse to relax, but yet, the drama continues... they just can't relax and let go.

she laughed, she pointed out how some of them are embarrassed by their lives and disappear, or hide in what they think are valiant efforts only to appear odd or awkward or sexually confused or socially inept.  she pointed out the most successful were just as big a mess or worse than the ones who were practically homeless.  she laughed more and pointed out the ones who were obviously single by choice, and the ones who were single because they were never wrong or probably sexually confused, and examples of their resistance to change or women.  and worse, it was all facts.

i couldn't deny any of it.

so.... while i had a great night, with my beautiful gal and did a good thing, and saw great people... i was reminded that the people in my world are a mess.  and separating myself from them doesn't change them or me.  and as each of the ones who were there swung in and out of the conversation and briefly chimed in, they all agreed, they all pointed the same fingers, they all giggled at those standing just feet away at how bad they were.

i'm starting to realize that i should just accept, and unless they want to throw anger or problems at me, i'm just going to live and be happy with them while i work on myself.  because unlike them, i want to embrace the fact that i'm not perfect, i'm very flawed, and i can be better.

the first step will be improving my ability to accept the reality of me.

each day a little crazier

remember when life was simple?

this kid my niece hangs out with told me his parents were being really mean to him because they cut him off from his computer. he's 15, and he's thinking of moving out. really?

i remember a time when my friends and i could get by on $30 worth of beer and gas for a long weekend, when we didn't worry about oil spills, credit ratings, car payments, or how we compared to our neighbors. when men weren't in a rush to have the best to show off, and women weren't in a rush to tie on to the man who had the best. when a good night could be had at nearly any location at any time of year, as long as you were with the right people.

i had one friend then who was wound really tight - ironically, he's the one who's generally most relaxed in my world now. now i have people who are so insistent on their pride that they are willing to do away with their entire group of friends to make a point, i know women who so want to fit in with their friends that they'll marry someone they're not that in to, i know men who will spend any amount of money to be a big deal... even if they don't have it, and haven't almost a million times over.

but again, i can't be the only one right - so maybe i'm the one who's wrong here. for what its worth, i do love them all. on some level, i know most of them will still be there for me, they still call to see how things are going if they havent seen me in person in a while, they still ask about my family and my dreams. not all of course, everyone knows someone who doesn't invest in others - they will claim they do, but they can give it up easily, so really, they didn't. my friends are those who invest, and wonder, and hope, and reach out.

i have the greatest friends in the world.

family tied

This weekend is the Family Picnic for my mom's side... over 700 people. I've been asked to help out early in the morning, and it will be at the family farm so I'm going out there tonight, I'll crash there, get up early, my cousin will say mass, I'll spend all day eating stuff I shouldn't eat... and then I'll probably post the pictures in my WebAlbums, which the world will ignore, much like this blog.

I do love them all, they are so encouraging, and so positive in general.

My cousin however, won't be there this year... she's had to quit her job, and skip all other events because she is planning her wedding in Chicago. She recently asked me to be an usher. Of course, I said yes.

Later I received email sent to me and the other ushers, telling us where to stay and where to rent our tuxes... and that we were paying for everything ourselves. What? In my nearly 20 years of being in many weddings, no one has asked me to cover the tab on their party that they created the expense of. Is it a lot of money, no.... but I'm an actor who's been getting by on side jobs & the support of loved ones, if I wasn't already going to be in Chicago then, I probably wouldn't be able to go, much less cover the tux and the rumored night of drinking I'm hearing she expects her family guys to provide to the non-related members of the wedding party.

So, I told her I was out on the usher job... now I don't even know if I'll get an invitation to the event.

Someday, when I finally take that plunge I want it to be a picnic, where everyone can just hang out. Well, really, I think the idea of the old school Saturday night wedding where all the men have to wear tuxes (even guests) and the women have to be formal is really cool.... maybe a small one like that where no one feels like they're being pushed into an expensive thing (maybe if I could afford to cover all the tux rentals for the guests too), and then a picnic reception party the next day for 1000 of our closest.

I really don't think life has to be so formal, sure at times there are reasons, but I don't see a reason to force that formality on others. And I'm confused by weddings - I hear so often that a wedding is supposed to be this joyous party... but really, has anyone ever been to a formal event that wasn't a wedding? A corporate dinner, or a charity function? They are not joyous.

But, people are people. Confusion and rules and insecurity. OH! and I think I'd want the 'does anyone object' line in my wedding too - seriously, its old school, and I really don't think anyone has the balls to say anything.... plus, it would be totally fun for us to take a second to look out into the crowd and wait - ha.

Hmm... and I'd also want the REALLY old school 'obey' line added back into her vows, because really, I think we all know that whoever she is, she's going to rule my life and it won't matter.