is your life bad?

it's 10am...

I'm in an airport hotel small conference room, with a woman who's a mess, and we're all looking at her. I'm even recording her every move.

wait.

first let's talk about getting here:

I woke up a little after 7am, I felt tired, but I had a job today. It's a freelance gig, given the economy and my location I'll take whatever work I can get. I showered and brushed my teeth, weighed myself (because my life is so horrible that I'm fed too much). Then I loaded my car with the equipment I'd need and headed out.

I had a tire that was almost flat, 7lbs of pressure, I've been refilling it every day. Ugh, I really need 4 new tires, one estimate was $700. There was a time when I'd blow $700 in a night on shots for friends and barely notice it.

Now, I'm one of those people who was so poor when the economy went bad in 2008 that I didn't even notice, my girlfriend was buying most of our meals, my car has problems I don't get checked out... hell, I almost lost it to repossession at one point. Then in 2009 I got one job - ONE - and it was a modeling gig for license free photos... no residuals. With all that came the usual depressing things in life; family problems, friend problems, and relationship issues that bordered on Springer outtakes at times.

So there I was, pulling down my street to get to Manchester Road, then on to Lindbergh which should take me north to this meeting. I knew on Lindbergh would be a gas station which would have a free air to fill the tire. I made the turn from the busy Manchester and on to Lindbergh which is like a small highway in my part of town.

I looked ahead and on the other side of the road was a black SUV, a large one, a nice one. I was in Huntleigh, an expensive part of town just a mile from my home where corporate leaders and other wealthy live, and this car fit... but why was this woman pulled over? Why was she out of her car and walking along the shoulder?

Fractions of a second later I was closer, I still couldn't tell what was wrong with her car, but she was going to have to walk past what looked like a large possum dead on the shoulder... then, she feel to her knee.

In that second I realized it wasn't a possum, it was a dog. Must have been her dog, which I assume got loose, and made its way to the busy road, was injured and died alone after making it to the edge, and found by its owner in the middle of rush hour. As I sped past, I could still see her emotion and misery.

Dogs get out, they get loose, it happens.... and you look for them, usually they return. This one did not. And, as someone who's lost - and found - a dog, and later had to put it down from old age, I understand the loss. But to have the sudden loss after what I'm sure was a time of hope while looking, there on the side of the road.

For the next few miles, I could only stare into the traffic lost in what I had just witnessed. Sure, it was just a dog, but any decent person who's loved a family pet can understand the shock in what I'd been a part of.

I made it to the gas station and filled the tire, and got to the hotel for my job. A woman had been injured in some kind of accident, and a set of medical and psychological tests needed to be administered by an expert for he purpose of display in court. It was my job to video tape this for public record.

It wasn't as bad as I thought, the medical exam was not invasive, and the setting is fairly docile. But the woman is 29, married 5 years, 2 children and from a small town.

My ex-girlfriend is her age, the ex who's done nothing but complain to me about our great friendship now being too invasive because she has a new boyfriend, and while she's kept our friendship a secret from him and her entire family, now she's got a problem with it.... this is the one who wasn't getting what she wanted from us and was nearly in tears over it some time ago. Her clock was ticking, and her job had become overbearing, and blah blah blah.

The woman on my camera had the husband and kids... and then poof. Now she's in a re-inforced wheelchair, her left hand is now in a permanent state of contorted paralysis, her husband is unable to hold down a job because he must be home to take care of their children and now his wife.

I'm so poor... I'm a man with a master's degree, and I have no money. I have friends who complain about the great bothers in life, overbearing parents and missed opportunities, and issues of ego and aesthetics. Boohoo - you're fat, or you're childless, or your friends don't want to do things, or your career and dreams aren't working out.

Is your dog alive? Can you go for a walk? Can you go for a walk with a furry friend and have a great conversation with a good friend, just one, who really knows you even if all they know includes all your embarrassing shortcomings? Are you free to live your life? What if that ex never has kids, what if i never get rich, what if things don't work out the way you'd like - really, is life that bad?

Yeah, life is annoying when you don't have what the others have, when you don't feel like daddy loves you enough or people don't understand your decisions. But today I'm reminded that while it's good to hope and work for the things you want, we all need to remember how lucky we are.