put a ring on it - the wedding in review

i was just driving back from morning mass, and the radio started to play Beyonce's song 'Single Ladies', and i started to think about this past weekend...

my cousin got married, it was in Chicago and because of a little drama between she and i, there were moments when i almost wasn't even going to go.  i had been originally asked to actually be in the wedding as an usher and was excited about it, but in the end that wasn't going to work out.  in hindsight, i'm surprised that myself or one of my other 3 cousins who were asked to be ushers weren't groomsmen... only because there were so many bridesmaids that TWO of the groomsmen had to walk down the isle with two bridesmaids.  the logical one in me tells me that you either need more groomsmen or less bridesmaids... i dunno... there were also two maids of honor.  the wedding was excessive.

the view from the rehearsal dinner

first, i went up 2 days early, i needed to go, i wanted to touch base with a few agents up there and took care of that my first day there.  i was happy to find out that 3 of my top agent selections were a block from each other in greektown, just blocks from the train station.  one is a division of Ford Models, and, i so look forward to working with them.

the first night was the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner - i totally forgot my camera or there would be pictures other than the night cityscape i took as my phone battery was going dead.

the cruise ran late due to many many people being caught in traffic, and in fact many still missed it, but the boat was awesome as it carried us down the Chicago River and in to Lake Michigan.  the boat was large in size and its roof was decked out with a bar nearly as well equipped as the interior 'salon' allowing us all to take in the gorgeous night.  just after the half way point a large screen which had been cycling through a series of old childhood photos of the bride and groom started to play a video of the two of them getting their pictures taken for.... whatever reason that happens.  there was a LOT of making out, but it was nice.  then my cousin grabbed the mic and announced that she had another video she had made as a surprise for her beau where she was interviewed in a classic almost film noir format and told the story of how much she loved him, with more pics which were very well done.

after, the booze had been flowing for a while, a lot of us were back outside, when a sudden downpour rocked us and caused a run inside... i met a great gal while inside and spent some time talking to her, a nursing student with what seems like a great outlook on life (not to mention completely gorgeous).  i was lucky enough to get to know her over the weekend and we should be staying in touch.  the rain died after we started to head back, but then started again just as they were telling us all to get out!  that, kinda sucked.  i bolted under the michigan ave bridge and hailed a cab to Second City.

the next day more cousins arrived and we headed to a place in Lincoln Park for more excessive 'man vs food' style eating.  the drinking started around noon-ish, which you'd think we would know better than to do with the events we had in front of us.  finally, it was time.

under the jewish wedding canopy on the catholic altar

we all headed back to the hotel and got ready.  i donned what i'm calling the retro-mod tux, and ya know, i think i made it work.  the wedding was at 5pm on a saturday so tux was the way to go, and most people followed along with various types including my uncle bob who went with the classic white, right out of a Bogart film.  i got a surprising number of compliments on my shoe choice.

the wedding was gorgeous, and the mix of catholic and jewish traditions was done very very well.  my cousins come from a strong irish background, so they were led out by a drummer and bagpipes, and then all us from her side of the family gathered for a picture with the new couple on the stairs of the century old stone downtown church.

after, a set of old school chicago trolleys took us out to a country club for the reception.  the place was totally old school, brick & stone buildings, oak panel walls, framed pictures of the couple throughout the years on the tables and fireplace mantles as well as old pictures of their parents.  the bar was open and wine was being handed out by waiters as well as servings of grape gazpacho and small finger foods.

the dinner was phenomenal, a salad with a citrus base, a lemon sorbet, then each person was given a filet mignon and a chicken breast, with a vegetable medley and potatoes, and finished of course with slices from the wedding cake - and in a first for me, it was chocolate... and while i'm not much for sweets, it was really good.

the large terrace outside had been encased in a tent which came with its own air conditioning system so the guests could have more space to dance, keep cool, and avoid any possible rain.  the reception went well past midnight as the bride and groom were carried around on chairs and later the bride and her sisters did a traditional irish jig they had learned from their grandmother as children.

the trolleys ran non-stop until nearly 2am when two large charter buses came to get anyone who remained and take them back downtown to the hotel and/or the bar across the street which had been designated the place to go for the 'after party'.  some of my younger relatives tried to make use of the drive in a manner which the driver didn't appreciate causing him to grab his mic and announce, "ok young people, we can't b'havin any smoke in da bus...  especially THAT smoke".  i can't lie, it fractured me.

most anyone under the age of 40 headed to Dugan's and we continued the night along.  the bride and groom didn't make it as they had sped off in their private 1930's era limo from the reception under a long line of well wishers holding sparklers, so my family and our new friends carried the night forward.

half the bar was full of tuxedos - and while i've seen that happen many times, i've never been a part of the party until this event.  with the laws in chicago we all flowed in and out all night, carrying on at length while some went across the street to the hotel to change and others chose to make sure they stayed with the party until the had some place to go or someone to go home with.  in the end, the night was fairly drama free, full of energy, and just a great time.

on some level, i'm happy my aunt called me to make sure i was going, and really happy she made she i'd be up early to be on that boat.  the people i met and the times i had were a reminder of how life can be when you let go of all the pressures and agendas life can weigh on you.

the wedding was excessive in many ways, a few of the ladies commented (in a positive way) about things, and then followed up with their estimates on how much it must have taken to pull it all together.  watching the 3 photographers, 2 videographers, many wedding planners, and various event management people run around was almost entertaining at times.  the men all noticed as well, and while the ladies gabbed, the men seemed to have a fairly steady view that they didn't want all that, they would do it, but they'd all rather just be with a great person.  kinda odd given that was coming from the men, but i guess when the booze gets flowing and the truth comes out i guess the guys stood firm on wanting less to deal with and focusing on the idea behind it all - if you find someone worth putting on ring on it, that's all that's important, without that you just have a big party.

oddly, as much as i was annoyed with all the various dramatics that preceded this wedding, i could tell that my cousin was very very into the idea of being with justin.  and in that, i'm happy for her.  i think she would have married him if it had been a simple ceremony on a thursday afternoon with barely a guest if any.  until this weekend i got the feeling it was more about the show, but i really got that feeling from her from some of the things she said during it all that while she was totally into the show, she was very into him, and really, that's what's important - if you're engaged, you should be willing to go right then and there the instant you get engaged, or you're really doing it for the wrong reasons.

all the pictures i took are in my WebAlbums, with more to come when i get them from others.... not that the world wants to bother with some random set of pics from a wedding they didn't attend - but, in case someone actually reads this, that's where they are.

i was just happy to get to spend the time with my family, my cousins and more, be in a great town, have an excuse to get away from my thoughts, meet some new people, and have many laughs.  the next morning i woke up without my bags or a change of clothes and had to roll into the post-event breakfast in the same tux slightly worse for the wear.  i was fed from an awesome after wedding breakfast buffet and dodged a few of the comments from my various family members until my cousin instructed me to get my stuff and get in the shower before the road trip home.  i was a little sad to see it go, the spectacle and the people, but it was time to return to life knowing i'd be sharing things online, talking to my new friend on facebook, emailing my cousins and sharing the memory in the future.

back in it

View Larger Map

"we're on a mission from god..."

well, it's not that serious, but for me it feels like that at times.

I was sitting at home last night in that odd quandary of knowing I had to do something, and not knowing where to start.  I needed a push... and then it came... "lets just go".

And off we went, with just enough time to throw everything in a bag, some clothes, laptop, spare chargers, some shoes... take a shower... go... don't even stop for food.

Really, I love road trip food - road trips are the best occasions to really try food that you don't have every day.  When you're at home, even a place that's not close but in the same city is something you could goto fairly often, but something out of town, thats an opportunity.

Case in point - Hot Doug's - if you don't know what it is, Google it... I'll see you there in a couple of hours.

Anyway, above you see my plan for today, I'm in Lincoln Park now, and I guess I'm gonna go by foot all over the place to my chosen 7 agencies.  Luckily, 2 are in the same building, though one is a division of Ford Models and while it's the acting division, I'm not holding my breath on that one for a while.

So, the push, the start, I'm here.   There was a devil on my shoulder, the horned & cleft-hoofed embodiment of a woman in sexy attire, a woman I know well in fact.  Well, I think I do, but I don't think anyone does... but she forked me in the shoulder and told me to get off my ass and run with the idea.  I guess tenacity may require a push at times.

8.4miles on foot... really not that big a deal.  Everyone knows how to track me via Latitude or whatever, but send me email or a text if you're willing to reach out to a guy on a mission.  Lord knows I'll have time to reply.

Heat and Headshots

I'm heading to Chicago tomorrow, for what should be the first of many trips and hopefully will start my return to being up there more often than not. However, I'm basically starting over with the auditioning and so on, including possibly returning to Second City. I needed to make sure my headshot and resume were in order.

The resume is easy, add a modeling job and the AT&T job, easy... but then, the

hair... so I headed to Rommie. Rommie is a styling goddess, but there's not much that can be done about reality. Reality is that my hair is very fine... as Dan puts it 'very fine... fine like baby hair'. Whatever, its thin too, and fine + thin means its on its way out. Suzy wants it long to take weight away from my face, so Rommie just cleaned it up, but in the end I just look like a big forehead with a great haircut. Fine, we move on.

Then, the pictures. Rogue had the idea that we just take them ourselves. And why not? I just need one or two, anything current to go with other ones I've taken over the years to show a range of appearance as I edge my way back in. I have to look like the pics, one of them must be relatively current.

So, why not? Rogue's a model, she loves photography, she has a badass camera,

we know how to work both sides of the lens on some level enough so that hopefully if we take a bunch of pics, I can get 1 or 2 decent ones to use, let's do it.

Rogue shows up at my house ready to go, I hit the shower and she's going through my clothes picking out outfits. She came up with roughly 7 of them, perfect, and she had a set of locations in mind, also perfect - let's go.

HOLY CRAP - it was 93' and HOT - topped off with the usual Saint Louis humidity. After 2 hours of attempting to make me look good it was a mess. We only got through 2 outfits and made the decision that we had to find some places inside as soon as possible. I had a client with an office nearby who wouldn't care, so we took some shots there... but the lighting was horrific.

In the end we took around 30 pics - we might maybe have 1 or 2 decent ones after she retouches them. It's so bad out there my hair somehow got all poofy, and I was

sweating through everything in embarrassing ways.

In the end, we made it a couple hours, and we headed back to the house. The only decent pic that came out of the heat was one of Rogue about to pass out while giving Cat attention.

So far at least... she's attempting to do some retouching of the gushing pores on my face right now.

I think I'm going to have to get more tenacious... there was a time when doing all this was all I could think about, it became all I did and now... now I feel like I'm trying to get back in the motions but I'm just tired.

Hopefully, this first trip will remind me of getting back in the swing. I've been helping one of my buddies from Second City with his info & resume lately, I need to take some of my own advice as well. On some level it's exciting me again, after a year and a half of not being up there and now all the interaction I'm having with people and the work that's coming up I'm pumped.

Now, to just make it happen!

the early storm

I couldn't sleep last night, it was hot and my AC is broken and I'm the type of person who thinks that little things like AC shouldn't bother people.  I mean really, air conditioning is not 'normal' in the world as a whole people, and the thought that some of you simple can't handle life without it kinda makes a lot of you weak.

Of course I say that knowing that it was in some part a factor of my insomnia.  My bedside distractions (MacBook Air, Nexus One, the TV mounted on the end of the bed) were really the majority of the problem, that and all the tea I drank last night.

But now it's Sunday morning.  I was woken early by a weather alert that told me I had to move my old CJ-7 into the garage, and soon it will storm.  I love a good storm, I could sleep for days during a good storm, and yes it has the potential to jar me sometimes with crashing thunder and the loud cracks of flashing lightning - but overall, it awesome because in the end, it's totally worth it.

Also awesome is Alex.  Awesome Alex is a friend of mine who I recently reconnected with after nearly a decade apart.  I often want to refer to her as AA if I send something to her on Twitter, but ironically she's also sober and I know at one point was a part of Alcoholics Anonymous... so I'm afraid she'll misunderstand the reference.  She now has two kids, one is still going through the 'terrible twos' as the other is going to enter soon, and she is doing her best to be a better mom that isn't going to give in to a lot of the more common norms of today.  She's not going to have a nanny, she's not sticking them in daycare, she's not parking them in front of a TV (in fact, she's currently working on giving them as little TV as possible).  She is being hands-on.

I'm not talking about the weirdo moms that don't let their kids do anything, I've seen the pictures, these kids redefine 'active'.  But she's going old-school, she's working with them, she's trying to find new things to do with them instead of turning them over to someone else and letting them sit for hours with a glazed look on their face as they re-watch Toy Story for the 48th time.

And, she's fried!  It's a lot of work being a parent... there's a reason I'm not one.  Sometimes I'll read about her day online and it seems to be bliss, other days, it seems like she's going to pull out her hair.  

When I'm around my friend's kids I'm baffled, I will see them tell the child something and watch them ignore their parents, and there have been times when it's been a situation that could literally get deadly. I want to freak out on the child, but I know it's not my place, so I just sit there and get stressed wanting to yell at them and tell them to listen to their parents! I really have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to parenting, it's really for the better that I'm single in that respect.

I had a hand in raising my two nieces and they both realize that dealing with me is a zero tolerance situation. I have two, the princess & the terrorist. Sarah is the princess, my angel. Now 16 I recently taught her to drive. She isn't as difficult as her nickname would assume, in fact she's just about as easy going and giving as possible. Elizabeth however is another story... she wants to do things on her schedule (if she really wants to do anything at all), and I'm often on her to do as she's told, take care of things, not lose things, etc. Still, they both fry me out at times.

But now they are both teenagers, you can talk to them, they understand logic. They're both beautiful, and if you explain to them what's going on, they can grasp what and why and how things are going to work... and I love being around them.

Like the storm which is causing me to get drowsy as I lay here, it seems that kids are a chance to be amazed and jarred and frightened. But if you take a deep breath, and let yourself relax, the storm can bring you peace, and in the end you're much better off.

So keep your chin up Awesome Alex! I see your TV Challenge as an opportunity for you! On the surface, you're going to be so busy trying to find ways to keep that little boy busy that eventually you may even write a book: '1001 ways to give your toddler a creative outlet and keep them busy that won't destroy your house'... and if you use that title, I want a dedication, if only for irony's sake.

The last 8 years went by in a blink, the next 8 will go by even faster, and you'll miss these days someday... and like waking up after a storm, you know you'll feel better for them. Totally worth it.

each day a little crazier

remember when life was simple?

this kid my niece hangs out with told me his parents were being really mean to him because they cut him off from his computer. he's 15, and he's thinking of moving out. really?

i remember a time when my friends and i could get by on $30 worth of beer and gas for a long weekend, when we didn't worry about oil spills, credit ratings, car payments, or how we compared to our neighbors. when men weren't in a rush to have the best to show off, and women weren't in a rush to tie on to the man who had the best. when a good night could be had at nearly any location at any time of year, as long as you were with the right people.

i had one friend then who was wound really tight - ironically, he's the one who's generally most relaxed in my world now. now i have people who are so insistent on their pride that they are willing to do away with their entire group of friends to make a point, i know women who so want to fit in with their friends that they'll marry someone they're not that in to, i know men who will spend any amount of money to be a big deal... even if they don't have it, and haven't almost a million times over.

but again, i can't be the only one right - so maybe i'm the one who's wrong here. for what its worth, i do love them all. on some level, i know most of them will still be there for me, they still call to see how things are going if they havent seen me in person in a while, they still ask about my family and my dreams. not all of course, everyone knows someone who doesn't invest in others - they will claim they do, but they can give it up easily, so really, they didn't. my friends are those who invest, and wonder, and hope, and reach out.

i have the greatest friends in the world.

i don't

a friend of mine shared an article with me from Newsweek:

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/06/11/i-don-t.html

shocking - the details in black & white. and worst of all, i'm not even someone who opposes marriage i'm all for marriage contrary to what people may assume from my behaviour.

my problem with marriage, it's what makes the modern marriage. it's the ego problems and insecurity and jealousy and immaturity that cause problems for people that lead to (according to the article) SIXTY PERCENT of married people having sex with someone else - that, on top of the better than 50% divorce rate the CDC found (sited in a previous blog).

from there, its the reasons why people get married. i've recently had someone tell me they were marrying someone because the two of them had both discussed where they were in life, and they were both in a place to marry, so they would marry each other. what? not that they were dying to spend the rest of their lives with each other - they just both wanted to be married. yeah... that's dedication.... what happens when one of them decides they don't want to be married anymore - or worse, when one decides they just don't want to be married to that other person and have that person around every single day all day for the REST OF TIME... hmm... fail.

it's hard enough for people who are looking forward to spending the rest of their lives committed to one person in particular to be around that person all the time, how are you going to do it when that person isn't the reason for the commitment?

and from there the independence, the life you want vs what they want, the little details where ego and views weigh in. where little things like the guy getting lazy and the woman putting on weight cause people who seemed SO dedicated to suddenly secretly claim to their friends that they're going to bail if things reach a certain point.

of course, there are the paranoid - the ticking clocks, one quoted as saying that a woman over 40 is more likely to get killed by a terrorist than get married. i'm not sure which of those two is the worse option... i mean really, with life expectancies high, do you want to be trapped into a marriage for marriage's sake for FORTY years? thats a lot of complaining and anguish and inability to go out and get a break with your friends because the other people are insecure.

over the last few months, not 1 but SIX women in my life got engaged. My sister, my cousin, my ex, my friend, and another ex... and another friend. Two of those women had been with the guy for years and had basically resolved to stay with them forever with or without the ring without concern for having children with that person or not. Two of them are getting married for marriage sake (tick tock!). One is a woman in her mid 20's who has been with the same guy for years, and one is a woman in her mid 20's who had been dating her guy for a couple months.

we're all smart enough here to do the math and figure out where each of these is going to fall in the 60%/50%+ mish-mash. the numbers are clear, however, i'm betting they all think they're part of a pure sample set of bliss.

as the article recognizes, the feminist movement can be blamed for a lot of the problems facing marriage today. i actually think feminism on some level is a good thing, i really think women can and should be seen as equals. however, no relationship is ever purely equal, its a fact of basic life & psychology, eventually, someone has to have the upper hand and the other being has to deal with it. in that somewhere is compromise.

but that doesn't seem to be the norm anymore. everyone needs their status or their ego or to fit in with the other soccer moms and partying execs or whatever group they spend their time with.

on some level, its ironic, that in the search for independence there's still a rush to be with someone. how about we all chill out until we find someone we just want to be with - and then just be with them? the marriage, for all its excitement, is really just a one day event probably ruined when a drunken groomsman accidentally mentions the groom's ex in a toast. who cares about a party? Life isn't measured in breaths, but by the moments that take your breath away... and those are going to be hard to come by without someone really special.