the tweeter

Larry, this is not 'the Tweeter', this is a blog.  Twitter is considered a 'micro-blog', because as you should have noticed by now, you can only type 140 characters into each entry, whereas here i can type at length.

if you're still confused, this is me on Twitter:  http://twitter.com/#!/rjvalenta

and this is me on the Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/rjvalenta

now, go back to stalking everyone, you should be able to get your reports to others in order now.

PS - i don't care what you find on other people's pages, i'm happy you've got a national conversation going with old friends about it, but when those chicks want to chat those topics up, leave me out of it.

i had a great day

i went to a wedding last night, two people i used to work with got married after years together.  spoon went with me, which i appreciate because she tolerates not knowing anyone and she has an odd shy side.  by the end of the night, we were both beat, and she dropped me off at home.

last night i slept like a rock, i love that about life, sleeping is awesome.  i sleep best when my diet is good, when i get up early, when i exercise, when i avoid booze, and when i keep busy during the day... preferably with things that involve movement.  its not really shocking, eating poorly irritates the body in many ways, as does booze, and movement & exercise by nature are tiring.

i didn't drink much last night, i ate properly, drank a lot of water, and got to see a lot of great old friends in person.  really, its the 'in person' aspect of life which defines it, we get so caught up in the image we portray online and all the people we act like we have relationships with.  i'm lucky in that people are hard on me, they say what they think of me in person... and thankfully, it isn't always pleasant.

so today, i got up and announced that i was going to get something to eat.  i got a reply to go to the festival of nations with a few people and we did.  we spent a few hours walking around and trying foreign foods - awesome.  after, we met a few of the guys at a local favorite restaurant.  they all split many pitchers, but i didn't really drink until one of them dropped a beer in front of me assuming i was in a bad mood.

some great conversation spawned from this, talk of life and how people felt and saw things.  more people joined us (some invited and some not), the conversation continued as we sat outside, and after 5 hours a few of us moved on to another location for dinner.

four of us were left, and we had a great dinner.  laughter and more conversation, and jokes about happenings in the past.  we talked about anything from women to cars to investments and dreams.  we talked about plans to travel, plans to get healthier, plans to do more things.  one guy recently dropped his facebook page, so we talked about that... and the impact of people spending too much time online, or being too focused on making it their social life, and one guy who has once again has convinced many of the women that he's gay because of who he follows on twitter, ha (i purposely didn't touch that one, i'm tired of being blamed for people talking about that).

and the food was awesome, simple... not the healthiest, but fitting.  for the day, we had all stuffed ourselves.  everything was out on the table, for the day each one of us had talked about accomplishments and failures, pride and issues of complete embarrassment.  and really, thats where we showed the best part of ourselves... our ability to admit flaws and personal beliefs, and accept it ourselves and in each other and let go.

i dont mean to sound like some kinda weepy extra from Oprah, but there was just no bullshit... it was awesome.  no drama.  basically, it was 'this is me, you all know this is me, if you have anything you're not sure of ask, i'll tell you the truth, and if you don't like it, fuck off, ha'.

and that was a big topic for a while - one of the guys is a major boy scout, he always carries himself well, and while he enjoys the company of persons who act the fool he is big on being 'respectable'... and he's not going to act that way only part of the time, he makes his own decisions - and if someone doesn't like it they can kiss off.  of course, he's got nothing to hide and some would argue they do... but then one could ask, why they have to hide it...

and, in the end, the night wound down, and we went to leave... where we found someone had lost a few boxes of rubber gloves in the street, and each car that drove by popped like it was driving over a sheet of packing material.  we stood and watched and had a laugh and ended our 12 hours out & about to go home.

it was just a good day, it was not planned AT ALL.  it was just a few texts, and a few calls, and the decision that it was better to let go and have a day hanging out with people than laying around at home or keeping to some set of scheduled but unimportant ritual activities.  it just happened.

let life happen people, be yourself, hide nothing, and let life happen.

Mila, the genius

recently an article was posted on CNN.com where Mila Kunis discussed her loss of 20lbs off her already perfect body to play a ballerina in the film Black Swan.

she makes two points:  first: the world judges, period, its that simple.  even the nicest people who don't hold others responsible for their appearance still notice and form an opinion.  second: anyone can lose the weight and look good if their want to... they just have to want to.

and ya know, its true - i was 'going' to lose weight this summer and i havent, in fact, i'm laying here right now stuffed with a lunch a friend and i enjoyed after i helped her setup her new phone.  its been 3 hours, and i still feel stuffed.  i ate that much.  i am, that stupid.

i just did it, i wasn't thinking... i was hungry, she offered to buy some fast food, i went for it.

i don't even keep food in my house, and have stopped going out for fast food alone telling myself that i'm only going out to eat if there's a social or business reason which warrants the expense or if they're buying - an attempt to let finances control my efforts.

and still, i fail.

the truth is i know people who take care of themselves.  who know better than to eat crap, and who know to always order the child's portion with water if crap is all that's available.  AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE.  and i'm not saying to not enjoy life - do you need soda and booze and greasy food to enjoy life??  i love that shit, but in reality, we shouldn't 'need' that to enjoy life.  life can still be enjoyed without eating crap, life can still be enjoyed without picking the crap off other people's plate and feeling like you didn't eat it since you didn't order it, life is something you should be able to enjoy without soda and (yes, i'm shocked that i'm saying this) without booze.  and most importantly, food can still be enjoyed - even bad food - in moderation.

so... i'm staring down 40, and i want to get back to what i call 'shoot weight'.  but do i really?  i have to want it.

as the great Yoda said, "do or do not - there is no try", so i'm done trying.

i actually got up and went to mass at 8am, then dressed for the gym.  after that i got a call from my parents needing whatever and the friend who needed help, and before you knew it i was so full all i could do was take a nap.  but, this needs to end.

for the last few weeks, i've had a friend who's been texting a group of us everything he puts in his mouth... and it was really fucking annoying.  but, on some level, it caused him to be solely responsible for what he ate and the results.  i'm going to do the same.

not via text, i'm not going to force it down anyone's throat, but from here i'm going to form a new blog and in a week or so make it publicly available, with pictures to show progress... 40 days of improved eating for the 40 year old man.  we will start with a cleanse, and finish looking clean.  there will already be problem meals coming, i have a charity dinner and two weddings in the next 3 weeks alone - but this is my plan.  and hopefully, i can inspire everyone else.

because ladies, you're all as beautiful as Mila on the inside - there's no reason why at 40 you can't look just as good on the outside.  hell, i already look that good, can you even imagine how awesome i'll look with some discipline??  you don't even KNOW how good i'll look!  lock up your daughters!!

(i'm not going to worry about the guys, if they want to be fat and hairy that's their problem - you women will sex them up anyway.)

here is that article: http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/10/mila-kunis-if-youre-not-losing-weight-you-must-not-want-to/ 

blahblahblah - i cant hear you - blahblahblah

i have now had a FOURTH person ask me why a guy i know (who actually i'm not talking to) has recently become friends with someone on Facebook.

ok, to catch you up.  the guy in question has over the years attempted to levy controls on me regarding my life, who im friends with, who i see out, and (ironically) Facebook & who i'm allowed to be friends with there... because, that's totally the way 40 year old straight men behave.  then, people noticed this (which he blames me for, because this should have been a secret for some reason, also normal) and made other accusations which he found embarrassing.  all of this anger started with someone being rude to him (10 years ago), because i'm also responsible for that too, and responsible for this person being in our lives.  since then, close to half his friends on Facebook are friends with this random rude person and some even make plans with him.  i'm not friends with him, and i dont make plans with him, but because of others i still see him out and get quizzed about why the guy is still making an issue of it, and why the rude person still has people joking with him about it - now apparently from women as far away as Texas.

ok, but i'm to blame for all this somehow - i could call the guy who believes i am responsible for this and remind him (again) of the others who maintain relationships with this rude person, and remind him (again) of our friends from college who make similar comments & inquiries, and then point out that i am at most the same as them, no, at least i'm not friends with rude person.  in the end, somehow, i'm the problem.

so - for those of you who know who i'm talking about - I GAVE UP.  roughly 3 months ago, the guy in question randomly sent me email in the middle of the night accusing me of being the reason you're all the way you are.  and since then, i have given up.    i didn't want to, but i'm just tired of dealing with it over and over and over, and until he can be honest with himself and his therapist and his parents and whoever else enough to grasp that the primary person to blame is him, i can't fight the impossible battle.

so, don't ask me why he's friends with this person - ASK HIM... ya know, in fact...

ASK HIM - if you want to know what his deal is...
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he did whatever...
ASK HIM - if you want to know if he's going to hold something against you too...
ASK HIM - if you want to know what happend to the promise of the 'year of no hate'
ASK HIM - if you want to know if he's gay....
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he is friends with so many people who's friends with rude guy...
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he's friends with so many people who he knows have made all the accusations he's angry about...
ASK HIM - if you want to know where he's been...
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he said or did whatever you don't understand...

because, really, its about time he handled things himself - and its about time he realized how many people question his actions and so on... and really, since i'm not talking to him he can no longer blame me when (or if) he gives you an answer.

and really, lets face some reality, he's not going to answer you with anything but the perfection he wants you to believe.  if the guy was as honest and straightforward and open as he likes to portray, we wouldn't have these problems and drama.  so you're probably better off letting it go and watching from the sidelines like you have been.  at least you get the show, i'm just not going to be the guest-star.

i like enjoying my life, everyone is welcome but if you're going to cause me hassle with your problems, i'm probably going to step back until you resolve them.  i'll still be your friend, and even help if you need it, but until you can ask, i'm going to spend my time on honest open happiness.  so... for those of you who've been wondering and just haven't asked... ask him.

border wars

i've been sitting here thinking about our budget, and the wars that many people blame for the rising debt…

we got Saddam, we got BinLaden, we keep saying that we're bringing the troops home - and here at home we have a problem with all the money being spent to build and rebuild places in other countries while another war is being fought to defend our borders to the south from illegal immigration and drug cartels.

why don't we bring all the troops home and use them to reinforce the few thousand miles of border with Mexico and the Gulf of Mexico?

these troops are going to get paid either way, they could spend that money in those states instead of overseas. if we're going to maintain a barracks, why not do it on US soil until those troops are needed?

i'm sure pro-immigration people would have a problem with this plan, and i'm not against immigration. there are processes in place, as defined by law to properly immigrate, right? until then, why not help the border patrols by using US Troops, and USN river boats to help?

i mean, if we're spending money on them, why not spend it here on a problem which has been costing Americans their lives, at least until the north Mexico cartels are no longer a threat?

NYMWARS

google it, its a word - NYMWARS

its an issue on the internet superhighway these days, with growing intensity… and it all surrounds your name.

basically, more and more internet based services are requiring users to use their real names, and some believe this is wrong and causes undue safety risk. not just personal safety, but reputation safety.

WAIT - which one of you morons is stupid enough to publish your personal information and location publicly online without understanding the risks? and why haven't you learned ways to secure it? i use many online social networking and web services, and you don't see me publishing my SSN or passwords or details on when i'll be leaving my home empty and unlocked to anyone. other information which on some level could be used to put together some kind of crime against me that i do put online is secured! i share that information only with specific people, otherwise its hidden from prying eyes. why isn't everyone doing this?

you wouldn't walk into a bar and announce your personal security info out loud, why would you publish it online? you may tell friends you trust, but you wouldn't just tell random people, right?

the other concern was other people seeing your posts or those of a spouse, and it costing you a job or a relationship with someone you secretly insulted online. ya know, i don't have any sympathy for anyone who's not proud of their views and enables others by speaking the truth about them but not to them.

so, my vote in the NYMWARS - don't be stupid, and this won't be a problem… stand by what you have to say, and use your real name!

my favorite fantasy show

i just finished watching a total fantasy on TV, a world i wish we could all live in...

it's awesome how on the show House MD, anyone regardless of income or insurance can come in, not even give their real name, get a private room, and get the best medical care available from a doctor who doesn't make some exorbitant salary and at 50 has an oncologist for a roommate? this should be considered a SciFi/Fantasy show...

now, back in reality - Doctors deserve to get PAID, and PAID WELL.  they didn't spend 8 years in med school for nothing.

but, why do i need a doctor for check ups when in reality a nurse is going to do most of the work and a physician's assistant is going to oversee most of it.  a PA isn't in school as long, doesn't need to specialize, and more often than not can diagnose and even treat most common basic illnesses.  in some states they can even write prescriptions...

why don't we do that nationwide?  why aren't PA's allowed to fully practice basic general medicine, triage, and prescribe? but, we don't allow them to diagnose or prescribed even though they are licensed.

a good Pharm.D can diagnose a solid amount of common problems by symptom and address those symptoms with pharmacology, their salaries average around $100k, and they don't cost a fortune to insure... but, we don't allow them to diagnose or prescribed even though they are licensed.

and no one bothers to check their medical bils!  they just shuffle things off to the insurance company!  pay attention the next time to how many PA's are in the office, and how many nurses aren't even RN's, and realize you're still paying more for that visit with each year that goes by.

on House MD... all the nurses are RN's.  all the doctors are staff doctors that make a solid but not crazy living.  and everyone wants to help people and be the best, while helping people who on some episodes don't even give up their real name (much less an insurance card).

i don't care who's president, the problem is more than the system, its the regulation, and the customers that allow the caregiver to gouge.

the entertaining changed

tonight a friend of mine called me, and brought up some recent problems someone we know has had flare up... and from there mentioned all the changes we have seen in the last five years or so.  somewhere in there, he mentioned how we used to be the 'black sheep' and now, we're the only ones who seem normal... and he wanted to know when everyone changed.  my reply was that all i knew was that in all the confusion, i was at least the one who stayed the course.

he laughed, and mentioned the irony in how i was such a mess in the eyes of others, and now everyone who rushed to grow up had ended up divorced, or broke, or with chemical dependencies, or stiff & lonely & miserable... or a mix of the above.

they have things to hide, and reasons to hide themselves... they think so highly of themselves that they're of the belief that they have valid reasons to do the things they do.  they don't want to be talked about, but want to talk about others.  they don't want people knowing where they are, but want to know where others have been and are going.  they won't call you, but think others should call them.  they cheat on their spouses, and mismanage money, and hide anything that could give them a bad image - including even the pictures online where they look bad, ha.

and in their mind, because they have achieved a certain goal in their mind, they can justify themselves.  they started a business, they ran a marathon, they are a parent, they are on a board, they work with image-conscious people... so in their mind, they are doing things right.

and then, there's me.  i'm not a big deal.  i'm just enjoying life.  i have the same good close friends i've had since childhood, and will have for the rest of my life.  i'm the same guy i was 20 years ago.

so there are these people, they have their flashy cars, they belong to the best clubs, they have nannies, they have their kids professionally photographed, and they think i need to get it together.  they don't want me to date their sisters... they comment about my behaviour... yet, myself (and really, most of my close friends) are the ones who aren't using drugs, we are the ones who aren't divorced, we are the ones who have hidden financial or social problems, we aren't the ones who cheat on spouses or feel the need to change life repeatedly to keep life and ego happy.

but seriously - how can you people take yourselves so seriously??  honestly, i should thank you... i love it when you get caught cheating, i love it when you buy a new car you didn't need, i love it when your kids are all over social media as your only accomplishment that your parents didn't pay for... or better, i love it when you're one of those people who is so stiff you can't handle children at all.  because those of us who see the truth, find you awfully entertaining.

not that i'm in to kids, or lead a great life... good god i'm flawed.  but at least i can dance in public, do a bad job of it, and laugh.  calm down people, slow down, you might enjoy something.

please - STOP THINKING!

first, let me say that i respect people that can think, especially scientifically.  i'm a tech fan, i'd be a fool to not say thinkers are gods.  everyone should think outside the box, explore and live without bounds.

but - and, you had to know there would be a but...

what is up with people thinking TOO much?

a lifelong friend of mine recently told me of an idea he had: he has reason to go to a different city fairly often for business, and in great 'outside the box' thinking, he was going to secure an apartment there at his own expense to impress his boss and have the ability to interact more with those in the other city.  i offered to contact someone i knew there to see about getting him a deal on a short term apartment lease.  --this turned into a 2 month long saga of going back and forth over his concerns that my friend's business partners may want more from him than he can provide ethically in return.  my response was simple... just convey to him and subsequently them that you were limited in what you could provide, but you would love any help no matter how small, and look at it as a chance to continue his never ending networking.

he couldn't let it go - he couldn't just make the call and say that it wasn't likely that he would be able to do much with his contacts, but if he could help him in any way it would be great.  he continued to say over and over that he wasn't willing to risk them wanting something, i kept saying that was FINE, just tell them that, be open and honest... but he kept obsessing about it.

finally, i just said, "dude, you're holding up progress" and i refused to talk to him about it anymore.  so, he went out on his own, and found an apartment at full price.  in the end, he ended up in a building my other friend was affiliated with.

so now, he asked me to go with him and help him move ONE piece of furniture for this short term move... and this would have involved 8 hours of driving by myself.  uh, no...

so, i called my other friend and asked him to help move this futon, in the end, the other friend found out where the move-in was taking place and has now injected his helping efforts in.

this could have happened 2 months ago, if my local friend had just not over thought the whole thing.  now he's getting the help he wanted by fate, by luck.  and the ironic thing is that he is in the business of economic development... on some level, it leaves me worried how many over-thinkers are holding back our economic recovery.

this is not the first time i've come across this in life, its just happening more and more as we all age, and subsequently, i'm more and more annoyed.  every time there's a new social media or event, i have to listen to everyone's panic over security and their inflated self-worth.  ugh.

here's an idea - everyone be honest, and dont be stupid.  dont make promises you can't keep, and dont publicly give out your banking information... after that, how big an impact can life really have on you?  are you really that special that you're going to be the rare anomaly that takes a hit because you didn't over think something?

think about this the next time you're waiting in line at the airport for some stanky TSA agent to rub his hands all over your crotch... there are millions of flights worldwide every year, but because people over think things, grandmothers are getting felt up so you can be sure you won't be that 0.000001% of people who are hurt by terrorists.  way to go people.

PS - the odds were better that you'd be killed on your drive home from work than a terrorist attack, and that's by pre-9/11 stats when we all lived 'unsafe'.

Dear Martha

you complained to mom about my blog and my video, then you went online and shared my horrific work with the world, even complimenting it at times: please stop.

I get it, you need attention and validation and for some reason spending all your free time at trendy bars and concerts isn't enough. you're not getting enough replies to your posts online about cool political happenings and you want more, so be it. but really, couldn't you make your own videos or write your own blog?

now I'm sure you realize that ACLU card you're so proud of gives me the right to do and say just about anything I want, so in some way, shouldn't you be happy for me? I'm using my rights! at the same time, you have the right to waste your time complaining to others and using my words and actions to get yourself more of the attention you feel you need, and you should do what you want... but I'm not going to stop being a loud obnoxious self-righteous ass no matter how much you decide to be a whiney complaining attention seeking baby about it.

more importantly, it only causes problems for our parents when you make an issue of it. dad finds it annoying and mom heartbreaking... but hey, you may not care the toll it takes on them, and if not keep it up, there's no such thing as bad press, and the more you rant, the more I attention I get. either way, thanks!


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Location:Dickson Ave,Kirkwood,United States