Too Mature for FUNERALS and WAKES

i had two deaths in distant corners of my life recently, one was a 31 year old man who i liked a lot, but barely knew.  i was happy to know his family was surrounded by people they knew.

the other was the father of a man i've known since middle school, but really haven't seen in the last 15 years.  i hadn't seen him in 15 years - why go to that wake, right?

let's cover that - first, WHY go to funerals?  it's a party for a dead guy!  he's never going to know you were there, and if you didn't even know him, he's not going to care!

and WORSE - why go to a wake??  at least, at most funerals there's a mass, and you can sit in the back of the church with someone else you may know, be seen, but not actually have to interact with anyone. a wake actually requires you to talk to people, to be human, to act like you give a shit.

WAKES and FUNERALS are sad, they are boring, they are AWKWARD.  you get dressed up, you get there and run the risk of seeing someone who's bawling out tears - and WTF do you say to them??  

without fault, there's someone who you don't even know... in my case this was my friend's dad, so his mom would be there, and his siblings - i don't know these people at all, and they're going to be in any possible emotional state, right?

and then - of course - let's not forget that there's a DEAD BODY in the room!  GROSS!!  

why would i subject myself to that when i have an awesome dinner party to go to?  why would i go to a party for a dead guy when i could be at work closing the deal of the century?  why would i go deal with that awkward dress-up nightmare when i could be out having drinks with that group of friends who won't actually say what they think of my skipping it?

because i am IMPORTANT, and i have THINGS to do!  my time can't be wasted on dead people, because my plans with the living are much more important that someone who's... well, they're dead, and maybe i've had these plans for weeks.

(here's where my sarcasm mostly stops)

news flash important people... you're not that important.  and when you spend your time talking about all the plans you have, other people realize how UNimportant you are.  no matter what you might say to someone.

‎"your actions speak so loudly..... i can not hear your words."  -Emerson

as we get older, and wiser, and observant... we are going to face this more and more.  more and more, each of us has a chance to prove what kind of person we really are. 

when i was a child, i hated wakes and funerals and hospitals and old people.  besides being ugly and awkward and smelly and a number of other things that are unpleasant, they are a sign that we are all going to get old and die.  

even me, no matter how awesome i am.

and when i was a child, my mother made me go deal with all those things and i HATED it.  but she made me go, and in that i learned to grow up and deal.  

my mother used to make the point that my grandfather always made it to wakes and funerals.  he was a captain of industry (he actually was IMPORTANT), his funeral was attended by the governor of the state, the mayor and county executive, and said by the archbishop.  but when he was alive, he went to the wake and funeral of those who society barely noticed.  he made them all, he moved meetings, he rescheduled dinners, he would go late even to his own events.  

and WHY - because wakes and funerals aren't for dead people.  

when you don't go to that wake or funeral, you are telling the living that you had something more important than they were at their lowest.  you are telling the living that when they were in need, you had plans that you couldn't delay for an hour.  you are telling the living that when they felt most alone, your recliner was more comfortable than showing up for 10min and making sure they see you - you don't even have to talk to them as they are bawling, just seeing you there means something.

HERE IS WHAT YOU GET OUT OF GOING - nothing!

except maybe, those people will be there for you, when you're at your lowest, when you feel most alone.

so maybe your parents didn't do you the favor of teaching you how to deal with the unpleasant things in life that we all have to face eventually.  but, now you're chance to show how big a deal you really are... control your life enough to make it to wakes and funerals.

at the very least, do it because the people you know who went, will see how little you are if you don't.

and since many of us are parents now, don't be that parent who doesn't want to scar their kids.  unless you want your kids to be that moron who thinks death only exists in video games, and sees your eventual death as a payout.