ginger-man, super hero. he makes us look bad.

i knew a girl in high school who was quite a pistol, but hadn't seen her since my sophomore year, which was roughly around when i met Dan Duffy.

Dan is a man i've known for almost 30 years.  i've traveled to some of the world's biggest shitholes with Dan, we have partied and prayed together.  from a family of red-heads, i'm the outcast brown-headed stepchild his mother relentlessly loves on as if i am one of her own.

i know Dan well enough to tell you that his exuberance can be painful - everything is the BEST, he is so sweet when talking about his wife and kids that i feel the onslaught of diabetes, and his dedication to everything happy makes me want to regularly file a complaint for the repeal of his man-card.  he is the definition of disgustingly positive... and in my sarcastic mind it often causes me to roll my eyes.

he was born in Ireland, moved to St. Louis, and grew up here. i met him at JFK on our way to Europe on a tour.  from there our friendship continued even though we went to different schools and followed different paths.  his was more straight and narrow, mine was a little more wild.  i chose to make school a career, he wanted a career and for that he went to school.  Vancouver Film School actually, where he did very well, and his insistence on having my personality in his films is effectively what caused my acting career.

now living back in St. Louis, he is a successful film producer.  he is married to a beautiful red-headed woman (who i introduced him to), and they have two red-headed kids.  

in fact, let me stop for a moment and mention to his wife:  Stephanie, at some point in the future, if you come down to start your day, and your find your boys looking out the back window to see me asleep and floating on a raft in your pool wearing only the tequila bottle that rests over my crotch...  remain calm.  as you make your way around what appears to be a stolen car, and step over the college girls sleeping in a mix of delusion & whipped cream, take a deep breath.  so that just before you unload on me for what may possibly be construed as irresponsible behavior, you remember, that YOU OWE ME, because i'm the reason you met that guy... and, your mother-in-law loves me... and you think my mom is a saint (who you wouldn't want to see cry)...  and maybe - just maybe, everyone would be better off with waffles instead of violence.

anyway, when Dan's not making films, editing copy, or meeting with clients he runs a charity he created about cancer survivorship called The Half Fund.

Dan survived cancer, and being the positive soul he is, in the wake of his battle he created an outlet for others to express the joy of success against cancer in a world where most of us only see the negative.

he is always trying to see and be the positive.

yesterday that woman i knew in high school passed away, six years ago she was a nurse and wife and mother to a one year old girl, and she found out she had breast cancer.  they gave her 2 years, but she decided that wouldn't be enough.  she insisted that she had to last long enough for her daughter to remember her.  

and i'm not going to use her name as most of you won't know her, and i don't want to give others who may notice her name a reason to inquire and harass those close to her, when they need to heal. 

but she beat breast cancer... then she beat cancer again... then she beat brain cancer, then bone, then something in her spine, then something behind her eye... she was a warrior.

recently, during a routine scan to make sure nothing had come back, something had.

her daughter was now 7.

i was 'friends' with this woman on Facebook, but like many of the 'friends' we keep online... we never talked to or speak of, barely noticed each other, and just kept the union to answer the wonder about where those from our past had landed in life.  she still kept a circle of girlfriends which i had known from years ago as well.  and when news of the return of cancer got to me i asked one of them what had happened.  i was told that it was bad, and that this warrior had made it far enough to be locked in her daughters memory, but wouldn't have long before she was gone.

her friends, angels really, all rallied around her.  they each were taking turns staying with her at night, helping around the house, and most importantly to her, they were helping her write letters for her daughter to receive in the future.

imagine that - imagine being a parent and knowing you would not be there for your child at it's key moments, imagine not being able to cheer your child on, imagine knowing your child would feel you missing.

enter Dan Duffy.

not willing to let cancer win all it could, Dan stepped in.  he didn't even know this woman.

Dan Duffy loaded up his professional equipment, made his way to this woman's home, greeted her with his goofy smile, and used his tools and his talent to give this woman the chance to talk to her daughter at the key points in the future that she will miss.

her body and appearance changed from the dramatic impact of the disease, she decided she did not want to be on camera, so he pointed it at the wall, set up the boom mic, then sat on the couch next to her, and listened to every word she said... and when she would get lost in her thoughts, he would talk to her and ask her about things she would want to tell her daughter.

Dan helped this woman record the notes she had written to her daughter, so her daughter would hear her mother tell her (from her) how great she is on her 16th birthday.  

Dan is the reason this little girl will some day get to hear the story of her own birth, and who her mother was, from her mother.

Dan is the reason her daughter will hear her mother tell her how beautiful she is on her wedding day. 

Dan is the reason that her daughter will hear words from her mother when she has her own babies.

Dan is the reason that for the rest of time, her daughter will always be able to look pictures of the two of them and hear her mother tell her how much she is loved.

how do i know this?  i was there, i saw it happen.  i saw Dan carry in his equipment, and work around her needs.  i was hiding in a stairwell, but i saw Dan cry with this woman and her friends, i saw Dan put in the effort, and i heard Dan leave talking about how this woman was a champion.

it was Dan who after editing the video so the backdrop would show a slideshow of mother and daughter together told me, "thank God i'm alone in an office with blinds i can close and a locked door, because I've sobbed more in the last week while editing this for her, than i have in the last 10 years" - and he meant it - Dan felt FOR her.

if you're reading this, you may know me.  you're here at my blog... you may have seen my Facebook Page or found this via my Twitter Account... I'm no Dan Duffy.  but when i see him in action, i am inspired to be.

YOU should be to.

while the rest of us roam the planet with a protective layer of apathy shielding us from the unpleasantness of life, Dan Duffy has proven that even when facing great sadness, something can be done to make the world a better place.  maybe it can't be made perfect again, but something can be done to make it a little better.  he has proven we just need to do what we can.  we just need to give where we feel.

we just need to feel, fearlessly.

not for ourselves - for others.  i can list out plenty of people who are always having their feelings hurt, people who are angry, people who cry because they don't get enough attention, people who do and say elaborate things so they can feel something better about themselves.  Dan doesn't do that.  Dan feels for others.

he's not perfect.  he's that guy who's ok with his kids playing on baseball teams where they don't keep score... i want to kick him in his nut for stuff like that.  i can say that, he's like a brother to me.

but in the big picture he's what the world needs more of.  people who are willing to DO when they can, and then actually DO.  not talk, not cut a check, not have meetings about what others will do, actually DO.

Dan did.  he did it with little lead time.  he did it fast because things like this won't wait for us to get make space on a schedule.  he did it because it had to be done, for someone else.

ASK YOURSELF if you would - or even could - be this person.  you tell the world what kind of person you are with how you handle others, how you handle your schedule, how you DO and impact lives.  i know people who avoid friends when they have sadness, people who have used 'prior commitments' to skip out on funerals, people who expect their siblings to deal with their parents in failing health because they claim they can't afford the time or money... but they really just don't want to.  

because it's hard, and it's painful.

and while we all know these people, there's some of that inside each of us, so we gossip about their shortcomings and look down on them privately, but we let it go because a lot of us are inches from doing the same.  

Dan Duffy did the opposite... and really, he didn't do it for his aged parent, or sick lifelong friend, he did it for a stranger.  yes, her cause was something he has a deep interest in, as a cancer survivor and parent, he could empathize, and he doesn't do this daily.  this is not the only thing i've known Dan to do, Dan has gone overseas to help charities and helped in national campaigns, but the little things count, and for some people have a greater impact.  he may never do this again, but let's face it, he will do something of this caliber again, and again.

and he will do it and expect ZERO recognition.  he may tell his wife what he did with his day, he may blog about it if only to tell someone else's story... he may even vent a little to someone to get out from under the stress the moment brings - but nothing more.

would you?  

the women who rallied around their friend for the last six years are angels.  certifiably, broad-winged, halo wearing angels.  the night before she left us, one of them sent me a text update about her and joked about "dying is hard work!"  but they didn't care, they wanted to do it, they wanted to be there for her.

we would all be lost without our friends, and this group of friends should know how great they are.  they are the definition of friend, they aren't 'friends' like we have on Facebook, they are not the 'friends' we only see at parties, they are the real friends, the ones who we hope we never have to rely on - but we can... from helping her take last trips with her daughter, to changing bedpans, these women are better than most of us - and Dan would be upset if i didn't point that out.

it takes a lot to give up your time and carry your lifelong friend through sickness, and the love these women carry in their hearts should not go unnoticed, they should be lauded, cheered, carried on our shoulders... but they want none of that.  that's what really makes them all great, they do it, they don't complain, and they don't want anyone to notice.

Dan will be the first one to point out that he gave just hours to help a woman do something for her daughter - where these women gave their time for years.

and they did.

but i think it's important that we also recognize the man who didn't know her, and just wanted to make the world a better place, and did something that will last forever and impact a life.

unless she reads this, Marie Duffy may never know her son did this.  for him, this is just what he did one day.

he blogged about it, only to celebrate how great this woman was - and if you ask him about his efforts, he will probably blow it off and tell you about the friends, who were there for their friend for years and how they were angels.

i know Dan Duffy, and trust me, he's no angel.  but Dan Duffy is an epic hero.

Tell Dan your thoughts - Click Here

privacy - you already don't have any

i get a lot of comments about my use of social media... more often than not it's just comments, but sometimes (when it involves others) it questions privacy.

an example would be: i go out for the evening, and the people i'm with all group together for a photo, then i post this picture online to Twitter or Facebook or something like that... then someone else may ask, "are you sure those other people want the world knowing they were there?"

on some level, it's a fair question.  but my first thought is simply that a person should be leading a life where their location and activities shouldn't matter.  being caught out with your buddies and their girlfriends at a bar when your wife thinks you're at the office... or if your coworkers see the same pictures and realize how big a jackass you are... meh... these are problems of your dishonesty on some level, and if you're life is really clean, this is really more paranoia.

at the same time, i know people who have real problems, violent ex-relationships, estranged family members who harass them, or entertainers who's fan base is at times pushy.  while a lot of us would like to think we have to be concerned so we can avoid someone judging our new outfit or being caught with the wrong woman - these people have real privacy issues.

ok, so as you think about it - you're not a Hollywood starlet, you don't cheat on your spouse, you don't act the fool, you shouldn't care what people think of your new outfit... so where's the problem?

the problem is in the machine.  not Facebook, not Twitter, not Instagram.  the problem is not with your babysitter who posts pictures of your child, the problem is not your buddy who shares his location online.  these people could stop what they are doing and you are still being tracked.

sure, your babysitter or your buddy can hold some of the blame.  social media harvests data in epic ways, and that data is not held just in their systems as they would like you to believe.  data mines are sold and shared regularly to other businesses, and they don't care (click here to read Google's opinion on your privacy) - there are NO REGULATIONS on this in the United States... there are however laws that limit the government's use of this information.  however, it still happens, as shown in this article from Wired.

but it's much more than that - so much more that really, social media is far from the reason your life is no longer private.  social media catches the heat because that's where people draw most of their online drama.  but really, having someone know you got a new girlfriend and she's your buddy's ex is not real problems.  real problem will happen later when your credit score is impacted or you are unable to use your email because of all the spam you receive after you visited a car dealership to get an oil change and the machine made some assumptions.

after 9/11 the federal government mandated that all cell phones sold in the United States have GPS systems in them.  from that, geo-location services were created.  the tech inclined started to use the GPS to create 'geoloc' services and systems so people could share their location 24/7 with friends for fun or for safety.

geoloc systems are great and they are completely safe for the average user.  i have friends who's devices are constantly telling me where they are - you can't see that information, but i can, because they have granted me that permission.  with that, my nieces are also showing up on my maps, because they are teenage girls being raised by a working single mother, and someone should always know where they are.  and, i have a handful of clients who share their location with one person - me - by their own choice, they realized that someone should know where they are at all times (while not wanting that information shared with someone who would regularly look and question their activities).  somewhere in all this is the balance between sharing, and privacy.

but - modern corporations are also using this information to track you.  Microsoft, Apple, Google, Amazon, and many more - they create the software on your phone, then they store that information and use it to market to you... and more.

in the 2002 movie 'Minority Report', Tom Cruise runs through a city where advertisements are changing for each user who walks by - and in 2013, Intel Corporation is already marketing systems to do just that.  in fact, one of my fellow consultants was asked to join a team of corporate innovators who wanted to do that same thing.

and in all this you think - "I'm not one of those people, I live simple, I'm not online, I don't do the Facebook and the Tweeter and the posting pictures online".

actually, you do.

one of my clients and his wife avoid social media in general, and while he likes tech-toys, he doesn't use social media and she barely uses a cell phone which is turned off and shelved the instant she gets home from work.  they are safe, right?  wrong.  her children post pictures of her on Facebook, her work has an email system, his nephews post pictures while visiting their vacation home, and they both shop online.

these are good people, they spend most of their free time at home or golfing, and periodically travel.  they aren't living in the limelight, they aren't being followed by paparazzi or ex-relationships, and they are almost always together when not at work - so why the concern?  and who cares if the marketing machines customize ads for them?

it's not about the ads - it's about the information.

information catalogs are being harvested online constantly - it is possible for someone to look up information on you on a level that would shock you.  you may think you're not online, but you are - your company photo posted to the company website is probably linked to your name.  your name was used when your friend emailed you from her Yahoo! account. she has emailed you many times, and in those emails are plans to go to certain places and may mention other people who you are now linked to.  those people shop online... and the chain goes on and on.

if you think this isn't happening, check out this map from the MIT Immersion project, which (with permission) will show you how email services like my Google system can analyze email:

(click the above photo for a better view)

email systems like Gmail, Yahoo! email, Apple's iCloud, or Microsoft's Exchange system are used to connect you and your information to others.  shown above is a map of everyone who emails me, how often, and how they were connected to me and others.  it's not a perfect science, as i look at it i see people who aren't connected that should be, and those same people are connected to those who they have no relation to... and why?   because something held them together electronically.  people who email me rarely, or were part of replies are still noticed, and so is that content.

if you're someone who emails me and you see your name above, you'll probably notice that for most of you there are lines and color coding that shows which circle of friends you're part of, the computer uses this analysis to define how we met, how often you contact me, and who else you're associated with.

don't believe me?  feel free to try it yourself - https://immersion.media.mit.edu/

somewhere behind all this, is also the analysis of what you buy, where you go, and what you do with your time.  and don't think living off the grid and only using cash solves this problem unless you plan to never leave home - the computers are biometrically tracking you as well.

think it impossible?  feel free to watch this report from 60 Minutes about the use of facial recognition software and data mining in the United States today:


as shown in the report, students have managed to modify a toy that flies around and identifies people by their face.  this information can be linked to the information found online and your history continues.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

almost nothing.

you can have some common courtesy and understand what is going on.  for example: my map above doesn't include any complete names, and is an image of circles, so i'm not violating anyone's privacy here.  odds are no one knows who 'Gavin' or 'KC' are, and if you do you have no reason to care that they emailed me or how much.  i try to consider these things when i post things publicly online.

with common courtesy to others, should also be some understanding that others may not get it.  if your friend has your kids at a pizza place and takes a picture of all of them playing together and later posts it online tagging you in it so you'll notice, they may think they are sharing a fun picture, and may not consider the possible ramifications.

and really, most of us should be living lives where none of this matters.  the younger generations today are already of the understanding that there is no longer any privacy, and the few who haven't learned it yet are regularly embarrassing themselves on social media.  my only concern from this is that we may be raising a generation of people who lead clean lives or become experts in lies and deception.  so if you're a parent, second guess your kids regularly, and watch their online posts.

in the end, the general consensus amongst those in 'the know' is that our privacy is over.  you may be able to ask others not to share information about you, and some will listen, but that won't stop your computer at work or the security cameras at the mall, and probably won't stop your kids who don't think for a minute that it will matter if they post a picture of dad online.

it is my opinion that the best of us will try to understand it, and maybe embrace it a little.  we all do already, we have the email, we have the cell phones, we aren't going to stop using them.  the time has come for us all to grow some thicker skin, take a deep breath, and let go of any desire we have to hide - because it's going to be torn away from us no matter what.

most of the people in my world are good and honest people, and even some of those carry the burden of being judged in the past... in that, they want to keep their lives to themselves.  it makes sense on some level, no one wants to be judged, and no one should be unsafe with their information.  but most of these systems have controls in place.  like the geolocation systems i mentioned at the beginning of this, most provide some level of security from others.

but do not forget that big brother is watching, and someone you know may be better friends with him than you are.