most of the people in my world are over 30... most are probably over 35, or even closer to 40... and somehow as we are more 'grown up' it's surprising how much ego plays more and more into life.
it surprises me the way men feel they need to be a big deal, the same way they did when they were teenagers instead using money as their sign of achievement. and more the way women seem to have a new movement of 'pride' while their pretty is wasting away.
but why people? why the hangups? why are we all so increasingly insecure??
i felt a little embarrassed over this past weekend when i noticed something i had done which was something i'm not very proud of. i'm obviously not going to mention it here, but it is very basic non-social, non-medical, non-public mistake that happens probably a million times a year... and from that i will learn to do it differently, and do it better, and move on. i'm not going to be hung up about it, i'm going to grow from it.
this past week i've been cooking for myself. i made it a week with no soda, no fast food, no bad stuff. because realized i looked like hell. i wasn't going to make sad excuses about how i 'cant get by without wine' or 'need to be able to spend time with the guys'... because really, i know people who have great lives that dont eat poorly or even drink - why couldn't i? because i've been wanting to do it since the new year, and i just hadn't done it - - and time was ticking away.
time...
then this week, i got trapped into an online discussion with someone i knew 20 years ago and really hadn't seen since. for the last few months he had been rambling online about events from 20 years ago, even stating that they happened 20 years ago... then lathered it all up with a fair amount of fantasy.
i had been letting this go, because why should i care? everyone knows the guy is a nut... and really, he had actually blocked me from seeing these rants, so why bother attempting to act on what people were telling me about?
finally, people said things were getting rather bold. so i decided to go out of my way to look, and he was operating two separate Facebook pages. i only knew about one, and had been blocked from it for some time. apparently there was reason to put up a second page... the primary page was riddled with commentary that fairly well explained why i was hearing so much about the page. the second page was apparently a backup pulpit for his periodic suspensions from the system. it was all kinda sad.
he made some angry posts about me on his second page, that i wasn't blocked from, so i made some peaceful and positive posts in an attempt to apologize for whatever he was angry about, and wish him well. it ended up being a waste of time.
why does he care? why care about all the little details? care about your parents, care about your friends, care about experiencing life... we're almost at the halfway point in life - people we know are dying of cancer, people we know have teenage kids. let go people, if you got fat, take the stairs because a Porsche isn't going to redeem your flaws and its not going to make you happy like a walk with someone you know will. let go people, if you're not happy with how you feel when you compare yourself to other women you know, stop lying to yourself about what you think is acceptable and make up the difference - or even better, ask yourself WHY YOU CARE.
the guy who's carrying his issues online was a great athlete when he was young, and appears to still be in great shape. he's got some new hobbies now, seems to have a new crew of friends - why waste life focusing on the unhappy? why not make peace with life, them, and yourself, and move forward?
tick tock goes the clock, who wants to waste their time home alone and faking their happiness?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
bang bang, shake shake, we're dead
i have a crazy arsenal of weapons in my home... i call it crazy because there's no need for me to have them, and they can be used for some pretty epic destruction.
but, so can my car.
in fact, if you think about it, gasoline only has one purpose - to burn. be it a slow burn or the explosions found in the cylinders of engine, the only real purpose for gas is destructive.
we just know how to behave around it. we know not to smoke at gas pumps, we know not to pour gas on a fire (or, at least we should know better). and for that rare oddball who uses gas to start a fire around the idea of hurting others, we blame the crazy arsonist.
we as a nation suffered a tragedy on July 20th, 2012. the alleged actions of James Holmes are nothing short of horrific. from here the media will milk every bit of drama from it, using big words and pictures and even lies to strike fear into our hearts because it makes them money.
subsequently, we as a nation are again victims, of hype and fear... and a media who is trying to keep us 'informed'.
don't be fooled by it. the media does what it does to keep your attention - because it makes them money. just like any dramatic person and their spin on life, they want attention. sure, the media may have a political agenda, but their first job is money and from drama they make it.
drama.... and what is drama? drama is an action that tries to invoke reaction, or the following reaction from said action. we've all seen it from men who try to be a big deal and women who spin their lives into something it's really not. big talkers, with their big problems. drama is the reason why a 'secret admirer' is now a 'stalker'. drama when combined with ego is why men blow their fortunes trying to impress women, then other men with all the attention they get from women. drama.
and usually, it's the most dramatic people who claim to least enjoy it... but then they use excuses to stick with it. when the truth is, you don't have to spend time with your family or friends who cause it. doesn't mean you don't love each other any less... but you don't need the drama... walk away....
...and do it without telling anyone. it's when you tell people about problems, that you are the source of the drama.
just like the media - the media is going to tell us all about the horrific nightmare that the 100+ people in that theater experienced. and it was horror. not fake Jason Vorhees, but real life.
and now we know, we don't need to rehash it over and over and over and over.
the man was crazy, he was a rare occurrence like an earthquake. some will argue that removing guns from the world will stop men like him. this argument is similar to saying that if we don't let anyone live in california then no one will die from earthquakes.
i'm not writing today to debate gun control, i'm really trying to make the point that we are all becoming victims of hype.
i'd like to think we're all smart enough to know that life will not run perfectly. someone you know will get sick, someone you know will be in a car accident, someone you know will have a fire... and eventually, we are all going to die.
yes, it's important to live safely and happily. and you should do what you feel is best to keep yourself and those you love safe and happy.
but just as the odds are small my car is going to explode from the gas in it, the odds are even less that any of the 250 million gun owners are going to go mass-murderer, and the odds are probably higher that you'll die in an earthquake living in california.
most of the gun owners i know don't even see their guns, mine have been in a basement storage locker for years, and really they're just an example of money wasted as a youth. boys will be boys, sometimes we like to go out and shred up a tree with bullets and call it 'target practice'. we do it with big guns so we can feel like some kind of superhero, just like girls dress up and play princess. but the vast majority of men grow up to know that guns are a tool, like a hammer, like a stapler, and they respect them or just let them it.
and, i think we all know that while most women like to dress up, it's the rare few who will leave the house wearing a gown and a tiara.
life will be back to normal soon, and time mends all wounds. we should not forget what happened, but we should not let ourselves fall victim to the horror he caused. let's not give the 'joker' the satisfaction of impacting our lives.
but, so can my car.
in fact, if you think about it, gasoline only has one purpose - to burn. be it a slow burn or the explosions found in the cylinders of engine, the only real purpose for gas is destructive.
we just know how to behave around it. we know not to smoke at gas pumps, we know not to pour gas on a fire (or, at least we should know better). and for that rare oddball who uses gas to start a fire around the idea of hurting others, we blame the crazy arsonist.
we as a nation suffered a tragedy on July 20th, 2012. the alleged actions of James Holmes are nothing short of horrific. from here the media will milk every bit of drama from it, using big words and pictures and even lies to strike fear into our hearts because it makes them money.
subsequently, we as a nation are again victims, of hype and fear... and a media who is trying to keep us 'informed'.
don't be fooled by it. the media does what it does to keep your attention - because it makes them money. just like any dramatic person and their spin on life, they want attention. sure, the media may have a political agenda, but their first job is money and from drama they make it.
drama.... and what is drama? drama is an action that tries to invoke reaction, or the following reaction from said action. we've all seen it from men who try to be a big deal and women who spin their lives into something it's really not. big talkers, with their big problems. drama is the reason why a 'secret admirer' is now a 'stalker'. drama when combined with ego is why men blow their fortunes trying to impress women, then other men with all the attention they get from women. drama.
and usually, it's the most dramatic people who claim to least enjoy it... but then they use excuses to stick with it. when the truth is, you don't have to spend time with your family or friends who cause it. doesn't mean you don't love each other any less... but you don't need the drama... walk away....
...and do it without telling anyone. it's when you tell people about problems, that you are the source of the drama.
just like the media - the media is going to tell us all about the horrific nightmare that the 100+ people in that theater experienced. and it was horror. not fake Jason Vorhees, but real life.
and now we know, we don't need to rehash it over and over and over and over.
the man was crazy, he was a rare occurrence like an earthquake. some will argue that removing guns from the world will stop men like him. this argument is similar to saying that if we don't let anyone live in california then no one will die from earthquakes.
i'm not writing today to debate gun control, i'm really trying to make the point that we are all becoming victims of hype.
i'd like to think we're all smart enough to know that life will not run perfectly. someone you know will get sick, someone you know will be in a car accident, someone you know will have a fire... and eventually, we are all going to die.
yes, it's important to live safely and happily. and you should do what you feel is best to keep yourself and those you love safe and happy.
but just as the odds are small my car is going to explode from the gas in it, the odds are even less that any of the 250 million gun owners are going to go mass-murderer, and the odds are probably higher that you'll die in an earthquake living in california.
most of the gun owners i know don't even see their guns, mine have been in a basement storage locker for years, and really they're just an example of money wasted as a youth. boys will be boys, sometimes we like to go out and shred up a tree with bullets and call it 'target practice'. we do it with big guns so we can feel like some kind of superhero, just like girls dress up and play princess. but the vast majority of men grow up to know that guns are a tool, like a hammer, like a stapler, and they respect them or just let them it.
and, i think we all know that while most women like to dress up, it's the rare few who will leave the house wearing a gown and a tiara.
life will be back to normal soon, and time mends all wounds. we should not forget what happened, but we should not let ourselves fall victim to the horror he caused. let's not give the 'joker' the satisfaction of impacting our lives.
Monday, July 16, 2012
About Chuck...
dear ndugu...
so here's the short and skinny since many many MANY have asked: i have NO idea why Chuck is so angry. no, i can't explain most of what he says about any of my friends or myself... i can give you some ideas we all have, but no, i don't really think any of it can actually be explained.
recently, a friend of mine and were discussing problems with his brother and sister and their need to fit into a mold, to follow and image, to be certain places and with certain people. in the end, we just had to ask - WHY DO YOU CARE? sure, if it will improve your life in some fashion, be at places and with people... but... more often than not, the reason, are empty.
the same applies here.
i cannot explain why chuck thinks i didn't go to SLU, while i went to many schools, SLU was one of them. this was 20 years ago, i know this because i was at SLU when i hit 21 and went & got my plunger from Humphries... alone i might add, there was a party at my fraternity house that night, and everyone was busy getting ready, so i went alone.
the fraternity is important to chuck, he rambles regularly about it. i don't know why he didn't go to a school with a Phi Delta Theta chapter and pledge, but he did not. he claims he was around the house all the time when i was a pledge, and i dont remember that to be true... but after all, this was TWENTY years ago, so i may just not remember, because - who cares??
he seems to want to discuss my fraternity life often, i don't know why my past is important to him - but it's not just my past, it's Chris' past as well. Chris not only went to SLU, but he graduated from there (i did not). Chris' girlfriend at the time was a woman named Kajsa... Chuck claims he was in love with her. except for running into her at a concert two years ago, I havent seen her in close to 20 years, but to the best of my knowledge she still lives near Delmar & 170 - go get her Chuck.
Chris was not there to 'shoot up' Chuck's car, it was 3 other guys, and they were shooting at Chuck at a stop light where he stopped in a well rusted old truck with PAINTBALLS. at the time, we were all friends of Chuck's and one of the guys in the van shooting at him had even dated Chuck's sister. it was supposed to be a humourous prank.
there was a time when i went to mass every morning, and i'd actually like to start doing so again as it's a good way for me to stay on a schedule. often at mass there were a lot of soccer moms who seemed to work very hard on keeping up their appearance, and i commented online about them. i do not go to 5 masses a day to pick up women with kids, and of course i'm not doing it so i can get at their kids. kids are great for those who have them. maybe some day i'll love my own kids, but generally, i dont like being around kids. this is really common knowledge amongst my friends, i have no idea where Chuck pulled this from.
i'm not going to release my medical and criminal records to Chuck. i know he demanded them online one day as part of his 'full disclosure' rant. missouri's court records are available online anyway, and i'm not sure what my history of allergies and a broken leg is going to do to help Chuck prove all the travesties he's suffered through in life.
i have agreed to show any records to a reporter from the Ladue News or the Riverfront Times... because Chuck one day demanded we take the story of his persecution to a public forum and suggested those newspapers. on some level i'm surprised he didn't at least go for the Post or STLToday.com, or at least a Suburban Journal or some kind of newspaper that wasn't all society pics and concert reviews. but, whatever - if Chuck can somehow convince any newspaper to come interview me about all my crimes as a college party animal, i'll be more than happy to take the interview and show them whatever they want to see.
lately he's also made some rants about a guy we all knew in high school who's a respected St. Louis County cop. he went to college, met a beautiful lady, they adopted a son, he's one of the best all-american guys we know. Chuck contacted him to tell him that he goes to raves in the city and that he wanted to do an undercover buy to help him catch the drug dealers at the raves. i consider the idea to be respectable on some level, but Chuck isn't a cop... and the raves, weren't in St. Louis County. our cop friend told him he wasn't interested, for these reasons. subsequently Chuck felt rejected - and began to rant online about how our friend must be a dirty cop. no, he's not a dirty cop.
most posts from Chuck involve and original post and then follow up comments by him. many have asked me who he's talking to in his replies. it is what it is... he's talking to himself.
i actually hope the best for Chuck, i'm sure he doesn't believe that, but i do. i see plenty of pictures of him and women, they seem to be in their early 20's and generally attractive. hopefully since none of us know them, he will either prove it was us that ruined his life with women or prove that it is him. either way, i hope it is a path to happiness for him.
the general consensus amongst many is that Chuck is getting to 40 and he is alone, and unhappy about the lost love he never had. i can understand loving someone without the relationship... i cannot understand how he hasn't let it go 20 years later - but, his love wasn't lost because of us. his love was lost because she was with someone else, and when she wasn't with anyone else she didn't find Chuck to be someone she was interested in. if she did, she would have responded Chuck - love would have found a way.
Chuck seems to believe that he is 40 and single because my friends and I ruined his reputation with women. actually, Chuck isn't a big topic of discussion for us... really we haven't talked about him at all until recently when his ramblings appeared online. i'm not going to waste my time mentioning any of Chuck's actions from the past, they are readily available from anyone who wants to waste their time talking about it, or with a search through the state court records. i will simply say that no one can ruin the image of a person who chooses to live a normal life.
and Chuck, if you every find this and read it... allow me to say again that i'm sorry you're so angry about the past, but i encourage you strongly to instead work toward the future. work toward happiness, instead of focusing on the unhappy. after all, if all these people caused you unhappiness in the past, why waste your time on them? why care about them? wish them well, and move on to a better life.
so here's the short and skinny since many many MANY have asked: i have NO idea why Chuck is so angry. no, i can't explain most of what he says about any of my friends or myself... i can give you some ideas we all have, but no, i don't really think any of it can actually be explained.
recently, a friend of mine and were discussing problems with his brother and sister and their need to fit into a mold, to follow and image, to be certain places and with certain people. in the end, we just had to ask - WHY DO YOU CARE? sure, if it will improve your life in some fashion, be at places and with people... but... more often than not, the reason, are empty.
the same applies here.
i cannot explain why chuck thinks i didn't go to SLU, while i went to many schools, SLU was one of them. this was 20 years ago, i know this because i was at SLU when i hit 21 and went & got my plunger from Humphries... alone i might add, there was a party at my fraternity house that night, and everyone was busy getting ready, so i went alone.
the fraternity is important to chuck, he rambles regularly about it. i don't know why he didn't go to a school with a Phi Delta Theta chapter and pledge, but he did not. he claims he was around the house all the time when i was a pledge, and i dont remember that to be true... but after all, this was TWENTY years ago, so i may just not remember, because - who cares??
he seems to want to discuss my fraternity life often, i don't know why my past is important to him - but it's not just my past, it's Chris' past as well. Chris not only went to SLU, but he graduated from there (i did not). Chris' girlfriend at the time was a woman named Kajsa... Chuck claims he was in love with her. except for running into her at a concert two years ago, I havent seen her in close to 20 years, but to the best of my knowledge she still lives near Delmar & 170 - go get her Chuck.
Chris was not there to 'shoot up' Chuck's car, it was 3 other guys, and they were shooting at Chuck at a stop light where he stopped in a well rusted old truck with PAINTBALLS. at the time, we were all friends of Chuck's and one of the guys in the van shooting at him had even dated Chuck's sister. it was supposed to be a humourous prank.
there was a time when i went to mass every morning, and i'd actually like to start doing so again as it's a good way for me to stay on a schedule. often at mass there were a lot of soccer moms who seemed to work very hard on keeping up their appearance, and i commented online about them. i do not go to 5 masses a day to pick up women with kids, and of course i'm not doing it so i can get at their kids. kids are great for those who have them. maybe some day i'll love my own kids, but generally, i dont like being around kids. this is really common knowledge amongst my friends, i have no idea where Chuck pulled this from.
i'm not going to release my medical and criminal records to Chuck. i know he demanded them online one day as part of his 'full disclosure' rant. missouri's court records are available online anyway, and i'm not sure what my history of allergies and a broken leg is going to do to help Chuck prove all the travesties he's suffered through in life.
i have agreed to show any records to a reporter from the Ladue News or the Riverfront Times... because Chuck one day demanded we take the story of his persecution to a public forum and suggested those newspapers. on some level i'm surprised he didn't at least go for the Post or STLToday.com, or at least a Suburban Journal or some kind of newspaper that wasn't all society pics and concert reviews. but, whatever - if Chuck can somehow convince any newspaper to come interview me about all my crimes as a college party animal, i'll be more than happy to take the interview and show them whatever they want to see.
lately he's also made some rants about a guy we all knew in high school who's a respected St. Louis County cop. he went to college, met a beautiful lady, they adopted a son, he's one of the best all-american guys we know. Chuck contacted him to tell him that he goes to raves in the city and that he wanted to do an undercover buy to help him catch the drug dealers at the raves. i consider the idea to be respectable on some level, but Chuck isn't a cop... and the raves, weren't in St. Louis County. our cop friend told him he wasn't interested, for these reasons. subsequently Chuck felt rejected - and began to rant online about how our friend must be a dirty cop. no, he's not a dirty cop.
most posts from Chuck involve and original post and then follow up comments by him. many have asked me who he's talking to in his replies. it is what it is... he's talking to himself.
i actually hope the best for Chuck, i'm sure he doesn't believe that, but i do. i see plenty of pictures of him and women, they seem to be in their early 20's and generally attractive. hopefully since none of us know them, he will either prove it was us that ruined his life with women or prove that it is him. either way, i hope it is a path to happiness for him.
the general consensus amongst many is that Chuck is getting to 40 and he is alone, and unhappy about the lost love he never had. i can understand loving someone without the relationship... i cannot understand how he hasn't let it go 20 years later - but, his love wasn't lost because of us. his love was lost because she was with someone else, and when she wasn't with anyone else she didn't find Chuck to be someone she was interested in. if she did, she would have responded Chuck - love would have found a way.
Chuck seems to believe that he is 40 and single because my friends and I ruined his reputation with women. actually, Chuck isn't a big topic of discussion for us... really we haven't talked about him at all until recently when his ramblings appeared online. i'm not going to waste my time mentioning any of Chuck's actions from the past, they are readily available from anyone who wants to waste their time talking about it, or with a search through the state court records. i will simply say that no one can ruin the image of a person who chooses to live a normal life.
and Chuck, if you every find this and read it... allow me to say again that i'm sorry you're so angry about the past, but i encourage you strongly to instead work toward the future. work toward happiness, instead of focusing on the unhappy. after all, if all these people caused you unhappiness in the past, why waste your time on them? why care about them? wish them well, and move on to a better life.
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