Saturday, December 17, 2011

are you lurking?

this blog (as of 12/17/11) is hosted by a division of Google... most of my stuff is.  but google is kinda messing with my head!

part of the way google is taking things is unifying all the services - for example, the 'about me' page was just changed from the old school general about page, and now links to my G+ page.  i think it's kinda cool... but, there's also a new interface for the blogger system, it's cool, but it gives me more information, just enough to mess with my head.

i've apparently made 99 blog posts (this is magic 100)... not a lot, but i don't blog that often.

however, it claims i've had 500 unique visitors - this makes me wonder, WHO??  i've had a few comments, i've had a few people tell me they read this, but 500?

and it's such a tease, because i have no idea who it is unless they comment on things.  the integration into the G+ system is cool, but that tells you about me, not me about you.

i've had some problems with the new system... well, confusion in how the system is setup.  it seems that some of the things i've wanted to share (pictures, video, Latitude info, link secured YouTube things, etc) cause the system to need the viewer to log in with a Google account.

i'm not a fan of this, because not everyone has a google account - and not everyone wants to set one up - and not everyone wants to deal with another account.... bleh.

however, i recently had someone i know complain to me that she likes to read my blog when she's bored, and she couldn't see it a few days ago - this was because of these new settings.  she claimed it was fixed by logging in.  i had no idea this was happening - because so few tell me their thoughts!

so lurkers, if you have something to say SAY IT - if she hadn't said anything, the world would think my blog had stopped existing by now, ha.

and really - why lurk?  i get that maybe you don't have anything to say, maybe the post you just read didn't stir up any thoughts... i guess that's possible.  but for those of you who are being sneaky since i can't tell you're following my life and you feel like you need to check up on me for some reason... wtf is wrong with you?

if you really don't know me, and you're just getting someone else's opinion - awesome.  if you knew me years and years ago, and you're just reading what i'm up to - right on.  but if you and i are friends who talk in person or online... even if it's every so often, then speak up!  i'd love to hear anyone's thoughts.

seriously people, if you know me well enough to have spoken to me in the last year in one form or another, then say hello... or say something!  think about it - if we're friends, i want to hear your thoughts!  if we aren't friends, and you're just secretly stalking me on the internet, that's just creepy.  the less we talk, the creepier it gets - do you want to be a creeper?  do you like knowing you're that creeper?

here's reality - if you don't talk to me, but if people realize you're well versed in me and my life - you look creepy, and it's YOUR fault.  there are plenty of people in my life that i don't talk to often, but i still talk to them every so often, it's ok to keep in touch!  but if we only talk by accident, yet you're still keeping tabs on me because i'm a hot topic or because you have some odd interest in me, that's creepy.  if you're reading this now, you know it's creepy - so say hello, at least make it less creepy... at least give people a reason to understand how you're out with your girlfriends and know all i blog about but never rarely talk to me.  ya know?

and really, if i'm so interesting to you, i'd rather you say hello somehow.  say hi on facebook, send me a tweet, email me, invite me out with you and those girlfriends - buy my broke ass a drink!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

i don't want to get anything for Christmas 2011

here's reality - i have everything i need, and more.

could i use some new things?  sure... my computer is old, my clothes aren't perfect, so on, so forth... but everything works and i clean up well, and the reality is that most everyone i know is in the same position.

are you?  do you need anything for Christmas?  are you without clothes?  do you not have enough music to listen to?  do you need yet another iPod or blender or pound of fat on your belly?  will you use that 3 months of gym membership if you haven't been willing to get up and take or walk or find a way to use the stairs during your day?

and what about the people in your world?  do they need another decorative home item?  will another book they will probably never finish improve their life?

in 2011 $8.5billion in diamonds will be taken out of African diamond mines... ironically the same amount needed to cure hunger there.  and here at home, 45million americans are on food stamps... and as much as i love to point the finger at the abuse of that system, even if 75% of them are cheating, there are still a lot of americans going hungry.  think about these facts when you consider all the things you 'need'.

i live a meager life - on purpose - i have access to enough capital to get by very well, and live and awesome life... but i don't have a lot of disposable income.  most of us don't these days.  there was a time when i would blow a few hundred dollars a night on bar tabs, drove a fast german car, hung out with faster women, and spent my time and money carelessly.  i believe i have grown past that, and i let go of the money... but i still have time.  and i do give it.

when i was young, my parents often made us help feed the impoverished during the holidays.  it was more than giving a few cans of food to the church - we actually had to dress well and go into the city and help cook, greet, seat, feed, and clean up after those who didn't have a big meal with family and friends.

it was scary.  it was also one of the rare times i saw my dad come out of his shell, and put on a smile and go out of his way to make those people feel welcome.

imagine how belittling it feels to have to go into a church basement for Christmas dinner.  luckily there was someone like my dad there to welcome people in, wash away their insecurity, and talk with them a while.  i'm sure they will never remember him, but it helped shape the better part of the man i am today.

he also never really wanted anything for Christmas... and why?  he always lived simple, and made a point that he could go out and buy anything he needs or wants.  when i needed a house, he just cut a check... without thinking about the fact that he hadn't updated his wardrobe in 20+ years or bought a new car in my lifetime.  he didn't care about those things.  his friends and family were well, his kids were well fed and educated, his lights on and his belly full...

it a powerful thing to be that down to earth.

as you read this - realize that in our country we have a problem with PET OBESITY, yes, you read that right.  we are feeding our pets so well, that many of them have a weight problem.  we feel that people should get off their asses and work, but fluffy should get the extra yummy fatty treats.  and, it's true, people should get off their asses and work.

but consider ways to help them up which aren't going to conflict with your thoughts.  donating food in cans or in person can feed a lot of families, and donating clothes can help a lot of kids.  give money to a church or some effort you trust - but if you feel giving money blindly fuels the problem focus your efforts into something you think helps... and then think about the $200 gift you want, and realize that for $200 you can buy a lot of good cheap kids clothes and donate it to a shelter, or food for starving animals.

or ask people to give you a Christmas card instead of that $200 gift, and in that card a note mentioning what charity that person chose to get your equivalent donation.  and be happy that for Christmas, you had to do nothing, and yet you made the world a better place.

ok, now the sane annoy me

i'm turning into a young Andy Rooney...

i recently posted about 4 people who can't be talked to for one reason or another, and subsequently people have come to me with more complaints - take it to them people!  this was my point!  no one wants to say anything to them, no one wants to rock their boat or deal with the backlash - why do you think i want to listen to you complain about it?

if someone's life is having a depressing impact on you, then sure, i'm here to talk... but if you don't like how someone is doing things enough to bitch - bitch them... do it nicely, be polite and calm and straight forward and explain that you care enough to say something.  but don't drag me into it.

i love a car accident as much as the next race fan, but i don't want to be in the car.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

i love being wrong

in the last few years, i have watched people bury themselves being right... so much that it's really starting to strike me as a problem.  i'm wondering if it's something treatable, or just a sign of age.  and worse, they aren't being right about a big issue of ethics or politics, but personal issues that no one else really cares about, yet, they push forward so much that it's impacting their lives and they are oblivious.

well, maybe they aren't oblivious, but they can't change - and thats why i wonder if its an issue that could be treated.  then again, if they don't care enough to recognize and address it, is it a problem?  they're all adults and they can do whatever they want, right?

one is a guy who recently divorced, who with his behavior has managed to render himself basically friendless.  he obsesses with his appearance to the world, and making sure he has the best.  he thinks he's just taking care of himself and his kids, but in the end he's just acting in ways that people can't understand - and his reactions to being questioned cause everyone to back away.  it didn't help when he decided to make a habit out of dating people who should be on the 'no-fly' list... exgf's and ex-wives of close friends, or attempts to date family members of friends who have clearly stated their lack of interest because of his other actions.  in the end, it's a problem that just continues itself, and he can't be talked to.

another is a guy who was actually involved in someone's death, managed to bury it, and has also managed to render himself friendless.  there are plenty of people who are dying to be around this guy and let him believe what he wants for what he can provide... but today, he came up with someone who knows him much better than i, and her face went from happy to blank... i asked, "is the problem drugs or psychological?"  and she just replied, "yes".  being surrounded by 'yes' people, this problem may never be questioned.

a third is a guy who i don't talk to anymore, but who keeps coming up more and more as the holiday season causes me to see more people... and each person questions me about him, spouting their opinions as i eagerly work to drop the topic.  and in the end, each person is talking about their issues with him - at one point a conversation almost started with an accusation that i stopped talking to him because he's gay... an accusation which i find offensive - but somewhat ironic since the reason i stopped talking to him is because he was constantly accusing me of being the reason people think he's gay.  gay or not, he wants people to believe he isn't, and he wants to believe that he's not the slightest bit responsible for the rumors.  it couldn't possibly be any fault of his own, and the topic angers him, so i am yet one of many who have reason to avoid him... which is sad since we were at one point very close.

the last on my mind is a person i know who's family seems to spend a great amount of time with me talking about her issues in how they handles their life.  zero commitment, and an inability to stick to anything - which i don't have a problem with, but i can understand why people would question things.  this is one of many issues people have, small ones, that point to a larger problem of just not wanting to deal with life - but wanting to appear like she's so busy doing everything.  in the end, their world has been filled with people who have to be concerned about their jobs if this person is not happy, or a family who's afraid to tell them how they feel because this person may make holidays dramatic.  oh - thats the best part, this person loves to go on and on about how much they hate drama, but they are the primary source of it for many, awesome.

SO - what the hell is wrong with people that you can't just sit them down and say how you feel anymore?  i love that my friends can tell me when i'm making an ass of myself, or when i'm a problem, or when i'm a mess, and at least make me admit that i know i'm doing something wrong.

when we were young, we had to learn by people telling us where we made our mistakes - now, it seems that some people won't listen...

have you ever wondered why there are people who get older and just decide they can't be talked to?  NOW - i'm not saying that i'm right... but the evidence kinda speaks for itself... everyone else can't be wrong in the world, right?  tell me netizens, how do you talk to someone who's right?

Saturday, December 10, 2011

tweet

i'm thinking of moving to Twitter more...  i'm looking at my posts on Facebook and i get a tons of responses to almost anything i post there; a producer i know calls it my 'Facebook Fan Base' - what?  really?

so many people on Facebook are at best mundane so maybe i should be proud on some level... after all, i'm still attempting to work in entertainment, and every coach i've had has told me that my first goal is to get an emotional response - hopefully the one i want.

but i can post anything on Facebook and i seem to get a reaction - today i posted gay teaser video!  proudly posted an awesome video of three of the fabulous attempting to do their own Speedo laden dance off to a catch Spice Girls tune, and why not, it was pretty entertaining.  and in seconds, i had comments.

i dont mind the comments, why would anyone post anything without expecting comments.  thats the best part of facebook - so many people use it for validation.  they'll post anything for validation... "my kid is 3 and just fed itself - yay!" or "look at me i'm on a date!" or "look how much i can travel for business!" or my favorite, the 'look at all this i want you to be secretly jealous of, so i'm going to complain about it' people... awesome.  but at least they have something to say, right?  there will always be the lurkers, those who love to limit who can see their page or check-ins and just watch others casting judgement they wouldn't date submit themselves for... gotta love double standards.  Facebook should be public and security free... but that's a different blog.

which reminds me - think about this:  there are no bad pictures of Kate Beckinsdale ladies, its not because she's always surrounded by professional camera and lighting crews - its because she takes care of herself enough to always look good.  stop detagging yourself, and consider a diet and exercise review.

and dudes, if you've ever detagged yourself from a pic that actually had your face in it - you have issues.  stop being such a girl, you're not that important no matter what your insecurity issues want you to believe.

facebook is reality on many levels... anyone who will lie to your face is probably going to lie on facebook, in fact, they're probably more likely to on facebook or anywhere else online.  at the same time, if you take facebook that seriously, you take life too seriously.  instead of taking life so seriously, consider taking a reality check seriously.

you're the reason people like you or not.  you're the reason you like you.  if you don't like your pics or what other people say in their posts, realize that the pic is of you (no matter how ugly or stupid it makes you look, because you're the one who drinks too much and got fat and did something embarrassing).

but - ANYWAY - yeah... Twitter.  I'm wondering if it's possible to create a fanbase on twitter... and would people comment as much or... how do i judge if people will even look?  hell, no one reads this - and if you are, i doubt you've ever made any comments (only 3 comments have been made, ever).

maybe i should just keep posting videos of young gay men... i wonder how much of that it would take to convince the world that i am gay, and then what i'd have to do to get them to realize i'm not.  blah, i dont care what people think enough to put all that effort in, odds are if people have already made their decision on me and nothing's going to change their minds now.   whatever anyone thinks, i encourage them to spread the word - especially if you have a hot sister or daughter.

hmm... Facebook for me:  http://www.facebook.com/rjvalenta  and then Twitter for me: https://twitter.com/#!/rjvalenta  what can i do to even them out?

about a week ago i was at a party and someone who tracks me on both mentioned that i should tweet more, but why waste the time if the result on twitter can't be realized?

it's frreeeezziiiinngg!!

I'm already tired of the cold, it's so cold that I'm letting myself be manipulated, ha.

I'm trying to get back into working, I basically took November off... I went off diet, stopped farming business, put off potential jobs, stopped working out, etc... it was ugly. I am really not liking the cold this year- then, my jacksauce friend added the Cataclysm expansion to my WoW account... hmm... easy distraction from the cold...

then it got to be December, and SOMEONE got tired of me hiding at home. it was ok when I was dieting and working out all the time, but now she's bored!


so, even more distractions! these are the problems that face my life, gorgeous blondes demanding my time, sleeping in all the time, and eating like crap.

ok, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it; and you may as well enjoy life, right? there are people who will poss away their lives at work, periodically taking breaks for vacations... but really in the end they spend most of their lives at work or at home.

think about it, that's kinda sad.

not that I'm much better in this cold, but really think about it people! on some level, I guess I can see those with kids as having a constant project going on which has many facets- bit there are some single people who work and go home and work and go home and work and then on weekends spend a few hours with people they wants to believe are friends... but... they are just the people they get to have as an excuse to leave the house... sad.

I'm lucky. I don't have to sit home bored, I don't have to spend time in awkward relationships with people who will never really know me.  I have to fight to stay at home alone, ha.  Tonight I gave in, I needed motivation to get moving in this cold... so I spent the night in a Clayton bar with the beauty and 2 friends, one of which I've been close to almost my whole life.

I'm a lucky man.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

holiday shopping

i spent today shopping with a friend for Christmas gifts... a true irony since this guy has everything he wants and it's become a long running joke of the impossibility to get him a good gift.

i'm not a huge fan of the holidays as i've been on a mission to not eat and i've already been invited to a ton of holiday parties by friends and businesses and law firms and charities - all of which amount to an immense show of booze and food.  i will probably skip most of them, or make short appearances early before everyone's well sedated and pushing me to catch up.  i'm somewhat proud of my going without booze since my father's october birthday, not that i wouldn't enjoy a drink, but booze is just a gateway to being a fatty.

and the gift i'm giving myself this year, is body.

Thankful

in the last 48 hours i've had a great family event, been invited to live at a hot chick's place in LA, successfully created a way to organize my pictures online, and helped my nieces deal with all the changes they've been going through.  blah...

in reality, i'm lucky, and i'm just thankful.

i complain about a lot of stupid in life, and yes i can be vocal about it, but in the end i don't think anyone who can read this has much reason to complain in life.  i mean, if you're reading this, you're at a computer, and you're online.

stop for a minute and realize how many people not online didn't just have a huge Thanksgiving meal, but barely get to have meals.

be nice to one another, accept... see all you have and let go of the drama people.

Monday, November 14, 2011

clearing out the past

i feel a little sad today... i realized last night that it was time to do something i had been putting off for months, if not years - cleaning up my address book.

my address book sits on my Google Apps account, and feeds out to all my computers and devices keeping them in sync.  some of those devices also pull information from Facebook and Twitter and so on, plus anyone who's in my G+ circles has the ability to update their own data, and so on... and when women get married or people move and only change their info in one place you end up with extra information, old information, duplications, and so on - ugh, it was a mess.  to the tune of 1300 contacts.

my friend reminded me that some of them were even dead.  reality.

facebook is trying to be a global address book of sorts, those who use it on a mobile level may have noticed it regularly asking for your phone number - this is why.  i realized that the 800 people on facebook don't all need to be in my address book for just that reason.  some of them i rarely talk to, some of them i will probably never need to talk to - but if i really must find them, they were be there.  poof - 100 people gone from the 1300.

(however, the reality is that while i keep a policy that i need to have really known someone before i add them on facebook, via school, or work, or something present or past... the reality is that i could probably clip another 100 from the fb list as well - i'll have to come back to that).

Google has many features, including the ability to find and merge duplications - poof, another 100 gone.  this wasn't as easy for all of them, as some of them were Sr. and Jr. men who shouldn't be merged, and others were women who's names had changed that were listed twice because the link to Facebook had them differently than in my address book.  personally, if i knew you before you got married (and especially if i dont really know your husband), then i know you by your old name... but, to make things easy, i gave and merged new names into old.

then, the dead... this was kind of a bummer.  one woman died a few years ago, she was a brilliant and giving soul who's body just wasn't able to keep going.  i hate to see good people go, she was so fragile, but had no fear, and through her life of poor health recognized what was worth being bothered by and what was a waste of time.  i remember a night when she and i went out and ran into two of the loudest most obnoxious men i know, and she handled them with no problem - even to the point where by the end of the night one was helping her broken body get around, up and down stairs and so on.  on some level, she brought out a good side to the bad.  i didn't know her as well as i wish i had, and it sucked to delete her if only because she was such a good person.  however, life goes on.

from there, an app - because there's always an app for that.  i broke out the MyPhone+ app for iPhone and used that to update as much information in people that could be matched to my facebook friends (541 of them i think)... this also helped with the name changes and so on, though my niece adding to her name had to be adjusted.  after that - another merge.

after that, another page by page review - i'm finally below 950.  this is crazy... i look at some of these people and realize that i may never do business with them, or that the odds are slim i'll ever need to call my friend's mother... but then i think that the point of this is to have those listed so that in the event of the need its available to me.

and, the Google Contact List is the cornerstone of all the Google services... so, G+, and Latitude, and all the facial recognition tags in my Picasa will be screwed up if i delete someone who's listed in any of that, so i can't just take someone out because i talk to them daily.

so... who to keep and who should go?  on some level i'm going to stick with the facebook idea in that i've been lucky enough to meet and get along with many good people in my life.  just this past spring i met a man in hong kong who talks to me often on facebook, great guy, and if i need to contact him i can always do it via facebook.  some people have left facebook for personal reasons, so i'll keep them in my address book.  others have done the infamous 'defriending' of me for one reason or another... i know one woman does that simply because she only uses facebook to communicate with people she is currently actively social with, so she stays in the address book... another woman defriended me for unknown reasons, but has had numerous emotional issues over the last few years and often pointed the finger at others in her inability to move on.... yeah... i'm not sure how to handle her... ugh, before the drama we were friends, she didn't get up in my face about it, and i can't just let people go like that, so she stays.

hmm.... the list gets thinner... women i dated but never had a friendship with and haven't spoken to in a while - gone.  you were all beautiful in some way, but if we aren't talking there's a reason... and in reality, getting you back into the fold would probably just lead to trouble.  i'm sure there's a few of you on facebook that need to come to the same fate.

family... oof... my mom is one of 17 kids, there's a LOT of family in my address book.  however, i also get a printed family buzzbook every year, and my mom is a walking address book... so, i may have to thin that out a bit.

then there's an odd problem i think many people have - people i keep in my address book because i DON'T want to hear from them.  people who's name i want to pop up on my screen so i know NOT to answer... how long do i let that go until i've decided they're probably not going to call anymore?  i'm going to go with a year.

i have a friend who keeps well under 100 people in his address book, and those people generally only get one email address, etc.  he's not very social.... and i'm on the other end of the spectrum.  i need to work on keeping this simple, yet current and well rounded.  if anyone has tips - i'd love to hear them!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

photo migration

some time ago, i got big into pictures, big into memories, and keeping them.

i wasn't going to put too much effort into it, but i wanted to put in a solid effort to keep an archive of my photos from my life, if only so that i could look back at them over time and relive, or relearn.

this past weekend, i found out that a woman i know lost the last 6 years worth of pictures because she had them all on her hard drive, but didn't do any kind of backup... nothing burned to a disk, no saved SD Cards, no online albums.  this sucks.

i have been keeping a growing photo archive on Picasa, and decided to move it this weekend to an account i use more often.  i may actually keep the old account and lock it down just to have two places to store things, because on some level they are precious.

never again will i see my nieces small, i won't share those moments with friends again at home or traveling, i don't want to forget those who are no longer in my life and why and what i learned from having them in life, losing them to death, or letting them go.

i'm going to eventually have to post another blog as to how i keep my pictures archived, especially now that in so many ways it is SO simple.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

weight loss awesome in TWO WEEKS, ha

4 years ago i looked awesome... but slowly over the last few years i've been looking bad again.  my midsection is larger, my face looks puffy, and worst of all, my neck and chin stopped existing, slowing being replaced by a waddle of flab that came to the lower end of my round face.

this would not do... and then i noticed that some jeans i had didn't fit anymore.  oof.

4 years ago, it took THREE MONTHS to get into shape, and it was painful.  i ate the same thing ever day:

an egg for breakfast, with 1 piece of toast
a can of tuna for lunch, with a small low or zero cal dressing plain lettuce salad
a cup of chicken and a cup of broccoli for dinner
only drink water.

and i did an hour of cardio on an elliptical every 12 hours AND paid a trainer $85 an hour, 3 times a week to beef me up.  but after 3 months, my jawline was defined, my abs started to show, and the reaction from others was awesome.

its not something we should be proud of - but the world is a shallow place.  the impact of my change in appearance was noticeable.  i make up for a lot of it socially with personality, but i want the combination back.

i tried over the summer... i went a while without booze... i went a while drinking diet soda... i went a while trying to do the treadmill... nothing really had an impact.  then i went to lunch with a friend of mine who used to be a trainer, who noticed my distaste for diet soda, and pointed out that weight loss is 80% what i put in my mouth, the other 20% is lifestyle.

what?  lifestyle?  yes... the whole 'eat every 3-4 hours' thing, the whole 'stress adds weight' thing, the whole 'get at least 7-8 hours of sleep' thing.  ugh... hate that too.

but i knew that if i didn't do something, the weight difference i noticed especially over the last year would start to stick, and i'd need at least 3 months again.

i did not want to go back to that exact diet, it was bland, and water sucks.  plus, i wasn't going to spend $1000 a month for a trainer again.  but i thought about what i could do to get things going.

i realized that on some level, i had to do what was right - and all of what was right.  i couldn't work out, then spend a few nights of week drinking soda or booze.  i couldn't not eat for days and expect to lose weight if i follow it with fatty foods and soda.  i couldn't eat better and then only get a few hours of restless sleep.  i couldn't eat the right food, and exercise, then expect to lose weight and sleep well pouring caffeine and salt and sugar into my body.  i could dance with those things if i was trying to maintain weight, but i wasn't going to lose weight that way. i had to take this seriously.

first, liquids.  research shows a gallon of water a day leads to weight loss and a higher metabolism.  so i broke out the 2 quart pitcher and got some Crystal Light packets.  the 2 quart pitcher is the better option because i know i need to drink at least 1 whole pitcher a day... and its better than water with zero calories.

so, eggs... all protein.  2 eggs as a sandwich on wheat toast are better, add pepper and some Louisiana hot sause - MUCH better.  at only 225 calories, you can pull one yolk and breakfast is solved - really, snacks are solved as well.  crack an egg in a bowl, then crack a second egg in your hand over the bowl so you can catch the second yolk.  mix in pepper and hot sauce, then microwave for 2 minutes.  after that's started, put in the toast.  the eggs will be SO HOT when they come out, give them time to cool (while you take a morning shower or dress), and wash it back with water or CL.

tuna... ugh... once in a while, its not bad, but every day - it SUCKS.  and most people make tuna salad with mayo which is just fat.  however, i found that mixing tuna and mustard and the same Louisiana hot sauce can be tasty as well. so, in a bowl mix that together, and put that on toast.  wash that back with water or CL - and actually, its good enough to often leave me wanting another.  with that, lunch is solved, as are some snacks as well.

then dinner - a cup of chicken and a cup of broccoli... pain in the ass compared to the first two.  the first two options leave 1 messy bowl.  this screws up whatever pan or foreman grill you're cooking with.  if i had a gas bbq pit, this would almost be easier if i wanted to go to the store for freak chicken breasts every few days, but i don't.

so - the reality is that this is veggies and protein.  so, time for the salad.  and for the protein, more tuna.  to that i add some walnuts and some sesame, with that a friend of mine told me about this new salad dressing with zero or 'trace' calories.  that, and of course, more hot sauce.  toss all that together so it's well mixed, wash back with - surprise, water or CL.

with all this, i found out an app previous released on Android has now been released for iPhone that gives me a defined workout over 3 days and covers the entire body.  that 3 days a week, then on the other days a week i do an hour of cardio.  per the advice of a few trainers, i do 3 difference cardio machines, doesn't matter which three as long as they aren't the same or at least aren't in the same order as last time.

in TWO WEEKS there has been a noticed difference, people are already commenting.  the jeans now fit (um, barely) already, and actually, some of the shorts/pants i own now require a belt or they'd fall off during the average day.

TWO WEEKS.

i'm going to continue... i'm going to get a month in before the 'cheat day' i've been advised to take, then see if i can get even better than before in the 3months i spent last time.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

i moved!

well, this blog did... i host my blogging accounts with Google and now that they are slowly adding all features to professional accounts, this is now hosted properly.  if you're seeing this, you're in the right spot to read my mental flatulence after October 2011.  please let me know if you see any errors since the move.

i'll probably post more later, i always do...

Monday, September 12, 2011

tie everything together

I have the tweets at twitter.com/rjvalenta and the blogs (this) and the facebook at faceook.com/rjvalenta - is it like IM?

some people use Yahoo messenger, some people use AIM, some use MSN, and now there's GTalk... plus with iMessage looming another could be added. using the Apple provided iChat covers a lot of this, but there's a lot to cover.

so I'm wondering if there's a way to centralize all this in some fashion that doesn't involve some foreign hosted Jabber system, and might be mobile.

and then, I'd like a way to cross post to all these systems. maybe the first 140 just go to a tweet or FB, but anything less than 140 doesn't make a blog... and each post having all the various posting options to Places and Foursquare or including pics...

now that I'm 40...

I'm thinking about immaculate homes and perfect bodies, who is keeping a clean home and who has a maid... or who wants a pass for bad eating with the 'occasional glass of wine' they keep on their hips, and those who eat properly.

and I wonder if the challenge is really all that big.

I once lost a ton of weight and looked awesome, but my social like was ruined... can someone do both?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Dickson Ave,Kirkwood,United States

Sunday, September 11, 2011

10 years

i was laying in bed at home asleep and ignoring a call that went to my answering machine (yes, because this was when we still used answering machines).  i heard a friend coming through the speaker, laughing because 'some idiot crashed a Cessna into the World Trade Center'.

so i turned on CNN, and upon seeing the smoke called my friend Chris waking him up telling him he should turn on the TV.  we each laid there in silence, watching... and then, the second plane hit.

from there, it was an epic day.  my friend Alex had only been in town a few months after leaving school on the east coast against her parent's will and having not spoken to them.  she came over and called her parents.

my friend who had initially called me was scheduled to give a tour of our city to visiting foreign business delegates, but none of them could focus. the rest of us sat and waited for more to unfold.

now its 10 years later.

it took 10 years, but not until the last week did i hear the story of how the hijackers gained hold of the planes... how they started by just killing a random person in first class to instill fear in those there, and then instantly afterwards rushing the cockpit, killing the pilots.

and over & over in my mind i think to myself how we can go back to a society where small kids can still visit the cockpit and meet the pilots.  a society where travelers say goodbye at the gate, not rushed away by an airport cop from the drop-off lane.

but its more than that... go back to a society where people didn't live in fear of box-cutters, a society where we don't need to pawn off our security to a team of poorly educated ego hounds running invasive x-ray machines.

or maybe, it's move forward...

to a world where we're all educated and secure enough to know the balance between taking care of ourselves and that everyone deserves at least as much respect as we do.  we can't hold muslims accountable for the crazy radicals any more than they can hold all Christians for the crusades.  instead, we should partner with them, and together fight against the problems that leave us in the war which binds our hands today, finishing the problem as we memorialize those we lost.

Monday, August 29, 2011

the tweeter

Larry, this is not 'the Tweeter', this is a blog.  Twitter is considered a 'micro-blog', because as you should have noticed by now, you can only type 140 characters into each entry, whereas here i can type at length.

if you're still confused, this is me on Twitter:  http://twitter.com/#!/rjvalenta

and this is me on the Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/rjvalenta

now, go back to stalking everyone, you should be able to get your reports to others in order now.

PS - i don't care what you find on other people's pages, i'm happy you've got a national conversation going with old friends about it, but when those chicks want to chat those topics up, leave me out of it.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

i had a great day

i went to a wedding last night, two people i used to work with got married after years together.  spoon went with me, which i appreciate because she tolerates not knowing anyone and she has an odd shy side.  by the end of the night, we were both beat, and she dropped me off at home.

last night i slept like a rock, i love that about life, sleeping is awesome.  i sleep best when my diet is good, when i get up early, when i exercise, when i avoid booze, and when i keep busy during the day... preferably with things that involve movement.  its not really shocking, eating poorly irritates the body in many ways, as does booze, and movement & exercise by nature are tiring.

i didn't drink much last night, i ate properly, drank a lot of water, and got to see a lot of great old friends in person.  really, its the 'in person' aspect of life which defines it, we get so caught up in the image we portray online and all the people we act like we have relationships with.  i'm lucky in that people are hard on me, they say what they think of me in person... and thankfully, it isn't always pleasant.

so today, i got up and announced that i was going to get something to eat.  i got a reply to go to the festival of nations with a few people and we did.  we spent a few hours walking around and trying foreign foods - awesome.  after, we met a few of the guys at a local favorite restaurant.  they all split many pitchers, but i didn't really drink until one of them dropped a beer in front of me assuming i was in a bad mood.

some great conversation spawned from this, talk of life and how people felt and saw things.  more people joined us (some invited and some not), the conversation continued as we sat outside, and after 5 hours a few of us moved on to another location for dinner.

four of us were left, and we had a great dinner.  laughter and more conversation, and jokes about happenings in the past.  we talked about anything from women to cars to investments and dreams.  we talked about plans to travel, plans to get healthier, plans to do more things.  one guy recently dropped his facebook page, so we talked about that... and the impact of people spending too much time online, or being too focused on making it their social life, and one guy who has once again has convinced many of the women that he's gay because of who he follows on twitter, ha (i purposely didn't touch that one, i'm tired of being blamed for people talking about that).

and the food was awesome, simple... not the healthiest, but fitting.  for the day, we had all stuffed ourselves.  everything was out on the table, for the day each one of us had talked about accomplishments and failures, pride and issues of complete embarrassment.  and really, thats where we showed the best part of ourselves... our ability to admit flaws and personal beliefs, and accept it ourselves and in each other and let go.

i dont mean to sound like some kinda weepy extra from Oprah, but there was just no bullshit... it was awesome.  no drama.  basically, it was 'this is me, you all know this is me, if you have anything you're not sure of ask, i'll tell you the truth, and if you don't like it, fuck off, ha'.

and that was a big topic for a while - one of the guys is a major boy scout, he always carries himself well, and while he enjoys the company of persons who act the fool he is big on being 'respectable'... and he's not going to act that way only part of the time, he makes his own decisions - and if someone doesn't like it they can kiss off.  of course, he's got nothing to hide and some would argue they do... but then one could ask, why they have to hide it...

and, in the end, the night wound down, and we went to leave... where we found someone had lost a few boxes of rubber gloves in the street, and each car that drove by popped like it was driving over a sheet of packing material.  we stood and watched and had a laugh and ended our 12 hours out & about to go home.

it was just a good day, it was not planned AT ALL.  it was just a few texts, and a few calls, and the decision that it was better to let go and have a day hanging out with people than laying around at home or keeping to some set of scheduled but unimportant ritual activities.  it just happened.

let life happen people, be yourself, hide nothing, and let life happen.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Mila, the genius

recently an article was posted on CNN.com where Mila Kunis discussed her loss of 20lbs off her already perfect body to play a ballerina in the film Black Swan.

she makes two points:  first: the world judges, period, its that simple.  even the nicest people who don't hold others responsible for their appearance still notice and form an opinion.  second: anyone can lose the weight and look good if their want to... they just have to want to.

and ya know, its true - i was 'going' to lose weight this summer and i havent, in fact, i'm laying here right now stuffed with a lunch a friend and i enjoyed after i helped her setup her new phone.  its been 3 hours, and i still feel stuffed.  i ate that much.  i am, that stupid.

i just did it, i wasn't thinking... i was hungry, she offered to buy some fast food, i went for it.

i don't even keep food in my house, and have stopped going out for fast food alone telling myself that i'm only going out to eat if there's a social or business reason which warrants the expense or if they're buying - an attempt to let finances control my efforts.

and still, i fail.

the truth is i know people who take care of themselves.  who know better than to eat crap, and who know to always order the child's portion with water if crap is all that's available.  AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE.  and i'm not saying to not enjoy life - do you need soda and booze and greasy food to enjoy life??  i love that shit, but in reality, we shouldn't 'need' that to enjoy life.  life can still be enjoyed without eating crap, life can still be enjoyed without picking the crap off other people's plate and feeling like you didn't eat it since you didn't order it, life is something you should be able to enjoy without soda and (yes, i'm shocked that i'm saying this) without booze.  and most importantly, food can still be enjoyed - even bad food - in moderation.

so... i'm staring down 40, and i want to get back to what i call 'shoot weight'.  but do i really?  i have to want it.

as the great Yoda said, "do or do not - there is no try", so i'm done trying.

i actually got up and went to mass at 8am, then dressed for the gym.  after that i got a call from my parents needing whatever and the friend who needed help, and before you knew it i was so full all i could do was take a nap.  but, this needs to end.

for the last few weeks, i've had a friend who's been texting a group of us everything he puts in his mouth... and it was really fucking annoying.  but, on some level, it caused him to be solely responsible for what he ate and the results.  i'm going to do the same.

not via text, i'm not going to force it down anyone's throat, but from here i'm going to form a new blog and in a week or so make it publicly available, with pictures to show progress... 40 days of improved eating for the 40 year old man.  we will start with a cleanse, and finish looking clean.  there will already be problem meals coming, i have a charity dinner and two weddings in the next 3 weeks alone - but this is my plan.  and hopefully, i can inspire everyone else.

because ladies, you're all as beautiful as Mila on the inside - there's no reason why at 40 you can't look just as good on the outside.  hell, i already look that good, can you even imagine how awesome i'll look with some discipline??  you don't even KNOW how good i'll look!  lock up your daughters!!

(i'm not going to worry about the guys, if they want to be fat and hairy that's their problem - you women will sex them up anyway.)

here is that article: http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/10/mila-kunis-if-youre-not-losing-weight-you-must-not-want-to/ 

Monday, August 15, 2011

blahblahblah - i cant hear you - blahblahblah

i have now had a FOURTH person ask me why a guy i know (who actually i'm not talking to) has recently become friends with someone on Facebook.

ok, to catch you up.  the guy in question has over the years attempted to levy controls on me regarding my life, who im friends with, who i see out, and (ironically) Facebook & who i'm allowed to be friends with there... because, that's totally the way 40 year old straight men behave.  then, people noticed this (which he blames me for, because this should have been a secret for some reason, also normal) and made other accusations which he found embarrassing.  all of this anger started with someone being rude to him (10 years ago), because i'm also responsible for that too, and responsible for this person being in our lives.  since then, close to half his friends on Facebook are friends with this random rude person and some even make plans with him.  i'm not friends with him, and i dont make plans with him, but because of others i still see him out and get quizzed about why the guy is still making an issue of it, and why the rude person still has people joking with him about it - now apparently from women as far away as Texas.

ok, but i'm to blame for all this somehow - i could call the guy who believes i am responsible for this and remind him (again) of the others who maintain relationships with this rude person, and remind him (again) of our friends from college who make similar comments & inquiries, and then point out that i am at most the same as them, no, at least i'm not friends with rude person.  in the end, somehow, i'm the problem.

so - for those of you who know who i'm talking about - I GAVE UP.  roughly 3 months ago, the guy in question randomly sent me email in the middle of the night accusing me of being the reason you're all the way you are.  and since then, i have given up.    i didn't want to, but i'm just tired of dealing with it over and over and over, and until he can be honest with himself and his therapist and his parents and whoever else enough to grasp that the primary person to blame is him, i can't fight the impossible battle.

so, don't ask me why he's friends with this person - ASK HIM... ya know, in fact...

ASK HIM - if you want to know what his deal is...
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he did whatever...
ASK HIM - if you want to know if he's going to hold something against you too...
ASK HIM - if you want to know what happend to the promise of the 'year of no hate'
ASK HIM - if you want to know if he's gay....
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he is friends with so many people who's friends with rude guy...
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he's friends with so many people who he knows have made all the accusations he's angry about...
ASK HIM - if you want to know where he's been...
ASK HIM - if you want to know why he said or did whatever you don't understand...

because, really, its about time he handled things himself - and its about time he realized how many people question his actions and so on... and really, since i'm not talking to him he can no longer blame me when (or if) he gives you an answer.

and really, lets face some reality, he's not going to answer you with anything but the perfection he wants you to believe.  if the guy was as honest and straightforward and open as he likes to portray, we wouldn't have these problems and drama.  so you're probably better off letting it go and watching from the sidelines like you have been.  at least you get the show, i'm just not going to be the guest-star.

i like enjoying my life, everyone is welcome but if you're going to cause me hassle with your problems, i'm probably going to step back until you resolve them.  i'll still be your friend, and even help if you need it, but until you can ask, i'm going to spend my time on honest open happiness.  so... for those of you who've been wondering and just haven't asked... ask him.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

border wars

i've been sitting here thinking about our budget, and the wars that many people blame for the rising debt…


we got Saddam, we got BinLaden, we keep saying that we're bringing the troops home - and here at home we have a problem with all the money being spent to build and rebuild places in other countries while another war is being fought to defend our borders to the south from illegal immigration and drug cartels.


why don't we bring all the troops home and use them to reinforce the few thousand miles of border with Mexico and the Gulf of Mexico?


these troops are going to get paid either way, they could spend that money in those states instead of overseas. if we're going to maintain a barracks, why not do it on US soil until those troops are needed?


i'm sure pro-immigration people would have a problem with this plan, and i'm not against immigration. there are processes in place, as defined by law to properly immigrate, right? until then, why not help the border patrols by using US Troops, and USN river boats to help?


i mean, if we're spending money on them, why not spend it here on a problem which has been costing Americans their lives, at least until the north Mexico cartels are no longer a threat?



NYMWARS

google it, its a word - NYMWARS


its an issue on the internet superhighway these days, with growing intensity… and it all surrounds your name.


basically, more and more internet based services are requiring users to use their real names, and some believe this is wrong and causes undue safety risk. not just personal safety, but reputation safety.


WAIT - which one of you morons is stupid enough to publish your personal information and location publicly online without understanding the risks? and why haven't you learned ways to secure it? i use many online social networking and web services, and you don't see me publishing my SSN or passwords or details on when i'll be leaving my home empty and unlocked to anyone. other information which on some level could be used to put together some kind of crime against me that i do put online is secured! i share that information only with specific people, otherwise its hidden from prying eyes. why isn't everyone doing this?


you wouldn't walk into a bar and announce your personal security info out loud, why would you publish it online? you may tell friends you trust, but you wouldn't just tell random people, right?


the other concern was other people seeing your posts or those of a spouse, and it costing you a job or a relationship with someone you secretly insulted online. ya know, i don't have any sympathy for anyone who's not proud of their views and enables others by speaking the truth about them but not to them.


so, my vote in the NYMWARS - don't be stupid, and this won't be a problem… stand by what you have to say, and use your real name!





Friday, August 12, 2011

my favorite fantasy show

i just finished watching a total fantasy on TV, a world i wish we could all live in...

it's awesome how on the show House MD, anyone regardless of income or insurance can come in, not even give their real name, get a private room, and get the best medical care available from a doctor who doesn't make some exorbitant salary and at 50 has an oncologist for a roommate? this should be considered a SciFi/Fantasy show...

now, back in reality - Doctors deserve to get PAID, and PAID WELL.  they didn't spend 8 years in med school for nothing.

but, why do i need a doctor for check ups when in reality a nurse is going to do most of the work and a physician's assistant is going to oversee most of it.  a PA isn't in school as long, doesn't need to specialize, and more often than not can diagnose and even treat most common basic illnesses.  in some states they can even write prescriptions...

why don't we do that nationwide?  why aren't PA's allowed to fully practice basic general medicine, triage, and prescribe? but, we don't allow them to diagnose or prescribed even though they are licensed.

a good Pharm.D can diagnose a solid amount of common problems by symptom and address those symptoms with pharmacology, their salaries average around $100k, and they don't cost a fortune to insure... but, we don't allow them to diagnose or prescribed even though they are licensed.

and no one bothers to check their medical bils!  they just shuffle things off to the insurance company!  pay attention the next time to how many PA's are in the office, and how many nurses aren't even RN's, and realize you're still paying more for that visit with each year that goes by.

on House MD... all the nurses are RN's.  all the doctors are staff doctors that make a solid but not crazy living.  and everyone wants to help people and be the best, while helping people who on some episodes don't even give up their real name (much less an insurance card).

i don't care who's president, the problem is more than the system, its the regulation, and the customers that allow the caregiver to gouge.

the entertaining changed

tonight a friend of mine called me, and brought up some recent problems someone we know has had flare up... and from there mentioned all the changes we have seen in the last five years or so.  somewhere in there, he mentioned how we used to be the 'black sheep' and now, we're the only ones who seem normal... and he wanted to know when everyone changed.  my reply was that all i knew was that in all the confusion, i was at least the one who stayed the course.

he laughed, and mentioned the irony in how i was such a mess in the eyes of others, and now everyone who rushed to grow up had ended up divorced, or broke, or with chemical dependencies, or stiff & lonely & miserable... or a mix of the above.

they have things to hide, and reasons to hide themselves... they think so highly of themselves that they're of the belief that they have valid reasons to do the things they do.  they don't want to be talked about, but want to talk about others.  they don't want people knowing where they are, but want to know where others have been and are going.  they won't call you, but think others should call them.  they cheat on their spouses, and mismanage money, and hide anything that could give them a bad image - including even the pictures online where they look bad, ha.

and in their mind, because they have achieved a certain goal in their mind, they can justify themselves.  they started a business, they ran a marathon, they are a parent, they are on a board, they work with image-conscious people... so in their mind, they are doing things right.

and then, there's me.  i'm not a big deal.  i'm just enjoying life.  i have the same good close friends i've had since childhood, and will have for the rest of my life.  i'm the same guy i was 20 years ago.

so there are these people, they have their flashy cars, they belong to the best clubs, they have nannies, they have their kids professionally photographed, and they think i need to get it together.  they don't want me to date their sisters... they comment about my behaviour... yet, myself (and really, most of my close friends) are the ones who aren't using drugs, we are the ones who aren't divorced, we are the ones who have hidden financial or social problems, we aren't the ones who cheat on spouses or feel the need to change life repeatedly to keep life and ego happy.

but seriously - how can you people take yourselves so seriously??  honestly, i should thank you... i love it when you get caught cheating, i love it when you buy a new car you didn't need, i love it when your kids are all over social media as your only accomplishment that your parents didn't pay for... or better, i love it when you're one of those people who is so stiff you can't handle children at all.  because those of us who see the truth, find you awfully entertaining.

not that i'm in to kids, or lead a great life... good god i'm flawed.  but at least i can dance in public, do a bad job of it, and laugh.  calm down people, slow down, you might enjoy something.

Friday, August 5, 2011

please - STOP THINKING!

first, let me say that i respect people that can think, especially scientifically.  i'm a tech fan, i'd be a fool to not say thinkers are gods.  everyone should think outside the box, explore and live without bounds.

but - and, you had to know there would be a but...

what is up with people thinking TOO much?

a lifelong friend of mine recently told me of an idea he had: he has reason to go to a different city fairly often for business, and in great 'outside the box' thinking, he was going to secure an apartment there at his own expense to impress his boss and have the ability to interact more with those in the other city.  i offered to contact someone i knew there to see about getting him a deal on a short term apartment lease.  --this turned into a 2 month long saga of going back and forth over his concerns that my friend's business partners may want more from him than he can provide ethically in return.  my response was simple... just convey to him and subsequently them that you were limited in what you could provide, but you would love any help no matter how small, and look at it as a chance to continue his never ending networking.

he couldn't let it go - he couldn't just make the call and say that it wasn't likely that he would be able to do much with his contacts, but if he could help him in any way it would be great.  he continued to say over and over that he wasn't willing to risk them wanting something, i kept saying that was FINE, just tell them that, be open and honest... but he kept obsessing about it.

finally, i just said, "dude, you're holding up progress" and i refused to talk to him about it anymore.  so, he went out on his own, and found an apartment at full price.  in the end, he ended up in a building my other friend was affiliated with.

so now, he asked me to go with him and help him move ONE piece of furniture for this short term move... and this would have involved 8 hours of driving by myself.  uh, no...

so, i called my other friend and asked him to help move this futon, in the end, the other friend found out where the move-in was taking place and has now injected his helping efforts in.

this could have happened 2 months ago, if my local friend had just not over thought the whole thing.  now he's getting the help he wanted by fate, by luck.  and the ironic thing is that he is in the business of economic development... on some level, it leaves me worried how many over-thinkers are holding back our economic recovery.

this is not the first time i've come across this in life, its just happening more and more as we all age, and subsequently, i'm more and more annoyed.  every time there's a new social media or event, i have to listen to everyone's panic over security and their inflated self-worth.  ugh.

here's an idea - everyone be honest, and dont be stupid.  dont make promises you can't keep, and dont publicly give out your banking information... after that, how big an impact can life really have on you?  are you really that special that you're going to be the rare anomaly that takes a hit because you didn't over think something?

think about this the next time you're waiting in line at the airport for some stanky TSA agent to rub his hands all over your crotch... there are millions of flights worldwide every year, but because people over think things, grandmothers are getting felt up so you can be sure you won't be that 0.000001% of people who are hurt by terrorists.  way to go people.

PS - the odds were better that you'd be killed on your drive home from work than a terrorist attack, and that's by pre-9/11 stats when we all lived 'unsafe'.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Dear Martha

you complained to mom about my blog and my video, then you went online and shared my horrific work with the world, even complimenting it at times: please stop.

I get it, you need attention and validation and for some reason spending all your free time at trendy bars and concerts isn't enough. you're not getting enough replies to your posts online about cool political happenings and you want more, so be it. but really, couldn't you make your own videos or write your own blog?

now I'm sure you realize that ACLU card you're so proud of gives me the right to do and say just about anything I want, so in some way, shouldn't you be happy for me? I'm using my rights! at the same time, you have the right to waste your time complaining to others and using my words and actions to get yourself more of the attention you feel you need, and you should do what you want... but I'm not going to stop being a loud obnoxious self-righteous ass no matter how much you decide to be a whiney complaining attention seeking baby about it.

more importantly, it only causes problems for our parents when you make an issue of it. dad finds it annoying and mom heartbreaking... but hey, you may not care the toll it takes on them, and if not keep it up, there's no such thing as bad press, and the more you rant, the more I attention I get. either way, thanks!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone, and I'm leaving this default signature here so they can have a chance to ride my coattails too


Location:Dickson Ave,Kirkwood,United States

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Taking Sarah for Her License

My 17 year old niece needed her license, her father isn't around, and my dad is 84... so again, the role of father fell into my lap. At my mother's instruction, I included her sister who is 13, and we headed out. Since I took my test nearly 24 years ago, I didn't know that once you have a permit, you don't need to take the written part of the test again... and apparently, neither did Sarah. Oh, and we didn't know you can take it and fail, no more that twice a day. This saga lasted more than one day...

Monday, July 25, 2011

one simple push

i'm laying here at nearly 4:30am... duh, my fault.
its not hard to get on or off a track in life.  i'm still up at this hour because i slept in, stayed in bed after, didn't work out, went to my parent's house and ate comfort food, then took a nap, then laid in bed watching tv all night - surprise... i'm not tired until now.

there was a time when i got up and made it to 8am mass and worked out every day.  there was a time when i avoided booze and put zero soda in my body, instead replacing it with the known weight-loss beverage of water.  i also was smart enough to eat nothing but meat so i could lower my body fat instead of being that shapeless 'skinny-fat' and keep my chin and neck while losing my belly...
yes, there was a time.

so, if i was going to be smart, i would get up in 3 hours and get back on track - ugh.  nothing is worse than knowing what works to look and feel good, then not doing it.  i could make popular choices and make egotistic claims of being able to cut corners, but in the end, i know what i need to do like everyone else.

i'm not going to be one of those people who thinks he looks fine, but knows he really doesn't.

Monday, July 18, 2011

U2 (You Too) can be crazy


the show last night was awesome, just about everyone I knew was there... the floor was a massive party of friends and people who wanted to belong... but what's up with the streaming media?

I get it, you're happy to be there, but a post is pride... sending updates online every few minutes is a bit much- has anyone looked at the feed from last night?

I'm surprised I was able to text given the inability to use a phone during a baseball game. sure, communication is important, and tell your friends where you are and what you're doing... maybe give and arrival and post-event review online, and upload the pics to and album the next day. but how many people now have half their mobile uploads as blurry dark pics from that show?

not that a pic in the moment can't be random fun... here's what it looks like when Spoon wears sexy 4" wedges and has to sit on the ground after 5 hours of standing, ha.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, July 9, 2011

THIS GUY - i respect a little


Sure, he may be fat and surrounded by dolls... but he's proud of himself.


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

sticking it out to fail

tonight, there was baseball...

my friend's wife has 2 season tickets and the couple who sits next them have two, so periodically they trade so there's 4 seats together.  tonight they had 4 seats, but the wife had to use her company's seats to entertain a client - poof - its boy's night.

in the end, i'm sitting there with 3 friends, and one of them is the loud obnoxious type who does random shit that's often so outrageous that people have to sit back and laugh.  the man is partially deaf, so he's very loud... and he drinks a lot, which doesn't help... and he just does and says things without thinking which in his hearing impaired and slurred speech can often end up being humorous if you don't take him seriously. and really, who can take him seriously if he's saying with complete confidence things like "tomorrow i'm gonna get a i4 phone at the apple phone!  and they're gonna give me a dic-scount!  AND give me first dabs on the dic-scounted i5 phone because i know how to negotiate!!".

but, god love him for believing in himself.  whenever he gets around to taking himself to the 'apple phone' for his 'i4 phone' we have all told him not to get since a new model will be out in 2 months, and finds out the truth, we will all smile and nod, and give him a rash of trouble and move on.  no matter who you ask, confidence always sells on some level.

most importantly, he can take the abuse.  he stands up for himself.  he's wrong in the end, but he tried.

at one point he noticed another guy we know 1 section over... this gentlemen alienated everyone 2 months ago because a relative of mine compared him to a gay television character.  the character in question is hilarious and often the show stealer of the series, but he took offense to it, and even more offense that i told others that she what she had dared to say.  the jury is still out on how he knew i emailed the story to other people, many speculate he secretly reads my email.  i really don't care, i have nothing to hide.

so loud guy sees angry guy, and he starts calling out to him - i ducked down, and the other two started laughing.  i like angry guy as much as any other friend of mine, but i really didn't want to deal with the drama and accusations because he is so insulted by being compared to a gay man or because i mentioned it to other people.  the sad part is that he's oblivious to the fact that most people believe that only two types of people get that worked up about such things: those who are moronically homophobic, and those who are desperately hiding in the closet.  the more he makes issues of it, the more people assume the latter.

he's convinced he needs to stick it out away from all such people who could criticize him in any fashion, he too is full of himself like the loud friend, and he too will fail.  but he's doing it running away from the problem, he can't make a stand.  somehow, he thinks that confidence is giving up and running away.

tonight, the Cardinals lost in 13 innings.  the 4 of us stayed for all 13... even after an 8-0 score in the 7th when we turned it around completely.  the angry guy left in the 6th inning, and missed the comeback, and the moments, and the best part of the game.  and the Cardinals lost, but they can stand tall for losing on their feet and playing a good game and still being around to play another day.  and we didn't let the set backs bother us, and got to see a great game.

good game guys.

Monday, July 4, 2011

sparklees: Staying True to Who You Are

sparklees: Staying True to Who You Are: "It's Pridefest weekend in St. Louis and I just wanted to share these thoughts... A past boss of mine was a lesbian and spoke about her part..."

Saturday, July 2, 2011

they are watching, again

lately there's been a lot of talk in the news about Apple and Android tracking their users.  it was true on some level, the mobile devices operated by their software kept track of places the owners went to improve their use.  i'm not going to bore you with the how, but in the end, if the phone remembers cell site info and wifi info, etc, performance improves.

my friends and i do a lot of these 'location based social networks'.  Foursquare, Facebook Places, Loopt, and lately Google's Latitude.  The first 4 you have to volunteer your location to, the last tracks you automatically.   But, everyone needs to understand something here:

None of these services just show the world where you are.  None of these show your location publicly.  You have to approve everyone who can see your location.

Still there can be problems, with Facebook Places if you check in with someone else they fall under your security... meaning, they may have set it up so only certain people can see their Places check ins, but if you check them in, all of those who you've given permission to (which could be the whole world) can see their location.

BUT - in the end, I want to know who's out to get you?  Sure, you'd be a moron to post your SSN and CC info online... but are you a member of royalty?  are you a union leader?  a high ranking government official from a third world country?  when did you become a Hollywood movie star that's being pursued?

Everyone has the right to privacy - and should make use of it!  But, if one of your friends wants to know what you're up to for an innocent reason, what are you hiding from them?  And for me, I'm wondering why.   I mean, we're not kids anymore, can't you be proud of how you live your life... even to your friends?  Or is it more than that?  Are you that big a deal?


or... do you really just wish you were that big a deal?

gas prices - this isn't complex people

look its simple... oil is traded in dollars.  every barrel of oil that is bought or sold in the world is priced in dollars.

when sheik abdul goes to sell a few million barrels, he's left with dollars.  he can't sell them for euros, he can't sell them for yen, he's never left with rubles or pesos.

however almost everything he wants to buy with those dollars can be purchased with every other form of money.  from eggs to ferraris to boats to chewing gum.

so, he wants a strong and valuable dollar, so that his dollars are worth more than everything else, and he can get more for his dollars.

then, we go out and create trillions in debt lowering the value of the dollar... now his dollars are worth less and he can buy less stuff with the dollars he got for his oil.  to compensate, he raises the price of oil.

the more debt we create as a country, the more we force the value of oil down and the price of gas up.

now, some would say that its worth more to have whatever we got for that debt... the government jobs, the stimulus, etc.

the problem is that those things are not sustainable, they are a quick fix.  however, a strong dollar has more value over time, and in more than lower oil prices.  lower interest rates, lower prices for imported goods in general, and nominal inflation to name a few.

so... as your days progress, realize that charity is a good thing, and that the government should support its people, but its not up to the government to do either on a big scale.  we are paying for it either way - if you want to help, don't let the government borrow, spend some of your own money hiring someone else.



Sunday, June 26, 2011

Fatitude and FourSquare

some time ago, a group of my friends got into the FourSquare thing.  FourSquare is a geosocial system where users use the GPS on their phones to 'check-in' to various locations: when they get somewhere, they open an app on their phone and it verifies where they are and they broadcast that to their friends and if they want, to the world.

i can't lie - it was fun... the system rewards you for checking in to places more than anyone else with a 'mayorship' and for checking into certain types of places with various badges... and with my friends, the competition was ON!

over time, it became a little tedious, and partially this is because of my laziness.  others who were out more rapidly gained more mayorships and so on, and it got to the point where 2 other guys i knew and i once spent a night driving around checking in to places just to help toward badges.  this, is a little sad.

after FourSquare came Latitude, a product from Google that is included on all Android based phones and easily added to iPhones.  it automatically detects when you change locations and updates your location on the Google system.  i love it, because it takes zero effort on my part, and if any of my friends want to see where i am they can sign up for Google and ask to be on my approved list, and then they can see where i am at any time.

i'm not shady, and i have nothing to hide, so Latitude is perfect for me.  Latitude doesn't publicly display where you are, there's really no way for any stalkers or psychos to use it to track your location unless you approve their ability to do so... in that, it is safe.  knowing this, when i hear people claim they won't use Latitude i start to question them.  it makes me wonder what late night outing with a side lover or trip to the gay bar is going on.

last night, these issues came up in conversation.  a group of friends were out, and someone we all knew was broadcasting where he was at length via FourSquare, sometimes with comment, but could not be found via the Latitude account he had disabled.  now, he looked desperate for attention.

now it was an issue of control, the double dip of geosocial neediness.  'i want to show you that i control you seeing where i am, probably because i have already made myself look bad and i dont want everyone to see me validate that, but in an effort to look like im out having fun in other ways, here is my controlled feed to the world'.

ok, now you've taken the fun out of it all dude.  you have subconsciously made it obvious that you want attention by acting like you want no one to see where you are, then blubbering multiple locations and commentary online as if you're the life of the party.

the best part of this is that people these days are so full of themselves that they can't take advice, so even if i pointed all this out to him, it would fall on deaf ears... and if i pointed out that people were jokingly making the point last night 'oh, look who wants attention', the person in question would probably be embarrassed into anger, not admitting their flaw but thinking everyone else was wrong.

its sad the way simple things have to get so complex socially.  when i get questioned i'm quick to explain myself and then tell the world to fuck off to cover all the bases.  i really don't care what people think, but i have nothing to hide in the event that i'm questioned... but most importantly, i don't let it bother me.

lets face something here, its letting people bother you which makes you look like an ass most in this world.  its hiding your location from those who may harass you for being out late or being somewhere that makes you most look like you're shady or a child.  another friend of mine won't let her updates be posted online because she doesn't want to blow her image as a suburban mom... what?  but that's who you are!  you're a loving suburban mom who still knows how to have a good time when your kids are at sleepovers!

now, i actually on some level respect her control issue... she does share everything on latitude to her friends, its those in her family that she restricts... and that's the loophole i bow to in general.  i mean, i dont think someone should hide their job or their sexuality or unplanned children or other major things from their family... but, if your sibling is a drunk who's deflecting onto you, it makes sense... if you're not going to control the problem.

i dunno people, why are we bastardizing everything into a control issue?  fire up those FourSquares, engage those Latitudes, and embrace who you are!  eventually we found out the person in question ended up at a backyard patio... but didn't check in from there... what?  not good enough to tell the world about?

Friday, June 24, 2011

fight the good fight, by just not fighting

i'm tired of the fighting... divorcing couples, conflicting schedules, laziness, social neediness... in the end, lots of fighting.


and all these people are so important (in their own minds) that they have to fight because they KNOW they are right!


now, i'm not saying people have to agree, in fact, i think a good debate is the reason the USA is the best place on the planet. being able to argue different points of an argument or opinion is a key to intellect... being able to do it without taking it personally is a sign of truly being an adult.


so disagree, debate it, give each other shit for it all day long... but then agree to disagree. sometimes you people take things so personally and get so childish about your poor injured ego that you dont realize how big an ass you're making of yourself.


and worse, some of you are so full of yourself that you can not imagine how everyone else is so rude as to think you could be wrong. what? really? everyone else is wrong? you are the ONLY person who's right? these people usually are the ones who just avoid, selling the story that they are better than lowering themselves to those who disagree. they run from the fight claiming maturity and wisdom, when in reality, they're unable to smile and agree to disagree, so they flee.


my, aren't you a find?


either you are so immature that your fragile ego can't handle it, or you're crazy.


what's wrong with you that you're so emotional that you can't laugh at yourself, let go of other people's views as their problem, and just get along.


boo hoo poor you. someday i hope i can be so intelligent and secure with myself that i need to fight or flee.


and people wonder why i'm single.



what's your excuse for living a lie?

i just spent an hour and a half on the phone with a friend of mine in california who i havent talked to in a long time.  i enjoyed it because it gave me reason to walk randomly around the neighborhood and get some exercise while keeping my mind busy with a good conversation.  and of course, it was good to reconnect with her.

we covered a lot of issues in life, mainly the social ones, life, love, friendship, etc.  and really a relationship and a friendship lost.  in the end, it was a discussion of truth, and if people ever sit back and face the truth in themselves, or if they don't even acknowledge the lies.

if someone claims love, but doesn't understand it, is it a lie?  if they want it to be true, does that make it true?

in the end, we are all living our lives.  in the very end will the history that is each one of us.

its 3am and i am awake but thankfully tired.  i will try to get up for 8am mass and hopefully work out tomorrow.  my last few months have been a quandary of slow stagnate living and excuses.  i am unmarried, i have no children.  i am broke but fiscally conservative.  i am straight but socially liberal.  i don't go to mass on sundays but catholic.  i am educated but unemployed.  i believe in sexual freedom but opposed abortion.  i believe in family but don't want one any time soon.  i like the company of a woman but don't have a history of serious relationships.  i know what i want, but often hate to make choices.

everyone is a grey area in life and views and history and plenty of change.  i used to be fatter and thinner.  i used to have a job.  i used to work out more.  i used to be in a bad relationship.  i used to have a great girlfriend.  i used to party more.  i used to not smoke.  i used to go out with my friends more.

change happens, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad.  but do we embrace who we are?

sure, we like to embrace our good points - 'im a lawyer' or 'im on the board'.  and sometimes we try to embrace the things we think we should be proud of, which other people may not think are important  - 'im a type a woman' or 'im going out with a surgeon'.

but do we embrace the parts of ourselves which are flaws?  can we be proud of being a smoker in the past, or a recovering addict, or gaining weight and being too lazy to work it off?  can we be proud of things which some may look down on?  can we be proud of being gay or bisexual or having such tendencies?  can we be proud of having one or many abortions?  can we be proud of stints in jail or failed marriages abuse given or received?

for the last few weeks, the weather has been awesome... and i've been spending most of my free time in bed.  i don't know whats happened in the last few months, i have work to do and a house to clean, and a gym to visit.... but that's what i've been doing.

for the last few months i've been sleeping with a woman who is gorgeous, and in a relationship with someone else.  i don't hide any of it, i will tell anyone the story, but i know on some level that its wrong and my only 'excuse' is the fact that i should get a pass for not hiding anything.  on some level, its still wrong... but that's what (or really, who) i've been doing.

for the last few years i've been holding my life hostage to a dream, and its a dream that most people see as impossible that will require a great deal of effort on my part... that lately i've not been putting in.

for my entire life i've known a large group of people, and have held what most would consider to be a large circle of friends, but really, they're all a mess for their own reasons.

first and foremost, most of them probably can't lay out their truths for the public to see, they can't be proud of themselves.  and in the end, if they're caught in the reality that is themselves they get angry.  they avoid.  they change the subject.  they ignore it.  they get defensive.  they detag their fat pictures and act like they never dated that person or smoked that cigarette or acted in an embarrassing way.

so, can you stand naked?  are you willing to be yourself?  can you be someone who has same sex thoughts or slept with that fatty or smoked whatever you smoked?

how much of a person are you if you lead a perfect image now, but can't be true to who you really were then or are now?  and what's your excuse for hiding?  don't want your kids to know you smoked?  don't want your parents or coworkers to know you're gay?  don't want your friends to give you a hard time for something which in the end will be completely trivial... but you just can't handle it because... you're just that weak?

so after you read all of this - just do one thing!  simple ask yourself if you are really proud of your life!  if EVERY detail of your life and the way you live and your thoughts were published for the whole world, pope, parents, and peers to read - would you be ok with it?

i can safely say that i have not led a perfect life - something many will say... but i'm ok with every aspect of it being published.  are you?  if not, you're not really proud of your life or some aspect of it, and unless you're just not mentioning it, you may be covering it up.  a lie.  its dishonest.  of course, you won't want to be called dishonest because that will tarnish your image.  and you have a good reason, right?

so, what's your excuse.

why is it that so many perfect people will stand and say that others should never lie, then they hide so many aspect of themselves and their lives?


Sunday, June 19, 2011

ladies call us women

so last night, Spoon and i went to an event for St. Cecilia's parish.  it was a great event at a nearby prep school where my mother bid on and won a basket of baby items for a friend of mine.  the parish is making a name for itself because it is riddled with poverty and was facing closure but has managed to turn their school into a place where nearly 100% of their students go on to private prep schools.  they do it, and some of their books are older than their students.  its an amazing thing.

it saddens me a little that some of these students are using books older than them, and an entire class of students can be given new books for a few thousand dollars - books that can be reused for years of students to come... yet, the people in my world choose to spend their money on new cars and hottubs.  but, to each their own i guess, it would be refreshing to think some of them would randomly show up at the doorstep of this school and just hand them a wad of cash and leave.

the event ended early, and i had a group of friends forming downtown that were heavily requesting my presence.  spoon changed and we went downtown.  we arrived at a little bar where a gal i know (Jenn) serves up drinks, and it seemed some of the people i knew there had been drinking for a while.  we were of course warmly received and the night moved on, but somewhere in the mix Jenn asked me what the new drama in my little crew was, and why...

i couldn't really explain it, again.  not in a way that seemed to make sense.  the conversation continued off and on while she giggled at us all, and laughed at how my guys, the 'men' in my world were really just forever a group of girls.  at each turn she made the point over and over again, and over time it got worse as comparisons were made to make the drama seem nearly Kardashian, and as others joined in the conversation the sexuality of some were again pointed out to be a lie.

and sadly, some of what she was pointing out had become normal for me.  the childish actions, the possessiveness, the sadly weak egos and insecurity that caused some of them to lash out or separate themselves alone or in groups.  and worse, as we age there seem to be some who use being an 'adult' as an excuse to do the same things they have done all along.  they peacock themselves and refuse to relax, but yet, the drama continues... they just can't relax and let go.

she laughed, she pointed out how some of them are embarrassed by their lives and disappear, or hide in what they think are valiant efforts only to appear odd or awkward or sexually confused or socially inept.  she pointed out the most successful were just as big a mess or worse than the ones who were practically homeless.  she laughed more and pointed out the ones who were obviously single by choice, and the ones who were single because they were never wrong or probably sexually confused, and examples of their resistance to change or women.  and worse, it was all facts.

i couldn't deny any of it.

so.... while i had a great night, with my beautiful gal and did a good thing, and saw great people... i was reminded that the people in my world are a mess.  and separating myself from them doesn't change them or me.  and as each of the ones who were there swung in and out of the conversation and briefly chimed in, they all agreed, they all pointed the same fingers, they all giggled at those standing just feet away at how bad they were.

i'm starting to realize that i should just accept, and unless they want to throw anger or problems at me, i'm just going to live and be happy with them while i work on myself.  because unlike them, i want to embrace the fact that i'm not perfect, i'm very flawed, and i can be better.

the first step will be improving my ability to accept the reality of me.




Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Atrix, Day 1

I now have the Motorola Atrix as a trial, the bootloader is locked so I'm stuck with the stock 2.2.2 rom.  I've had this thing going for 16 hours, with no lapdock or media dock.

CONS
-first, the power cord is positioned in a way making it difficult to use while plugged in unless you're left handed.
-the central power button/fingerprint scanner is actually a little difficult to use.
-i'm sure Chris is going to laugh about this, but the screen is so acute that its actually difficult to read at times
-MotoBlur is completely unnecessary

PROS
-its got an awesome screen resolution no matter how difficult this makes it to read at times, it looks great.
-its well powered, even if the second core only gets used by lapdock
-the size is perfect, it fits well in my hand and anyone's hand
-from what i can tell, even with this awesome screen, the battery life seems rather sufficient

unlike SOME people who claim they gave this phone a solid try, using it a couple hours a day while in Vero suffering through a parental visit, I'm going to actually give this phone an uninterrupted trial an rely on it instead of falling back on my iPhone.  when it loses power, i'm going to charge it, when i need an iPod, i'll put music on it, and so on.  if i could open the bootloader i think i'd like it more (with Cyanogen), but i'm limited and on some level i think that will improve the experience.

i should footnote that until last night i spent a few days back on iPhone, and Chris' usual complaint about the lacking app development for Android is totally true.  i will probably go back to iPhone long term unless this changes.