are you lurking?

this blog (as of 12/17/11) is hosted by a division of Google... most of my stuff is.  but google is kinda messing with my head!

part of the way google is taking things is unifying all the services - for example, the 'about me' page was just changed from the old school general about page, and now links to my G+ page.  i think it's kinda cool... but, there's also a new interface for the blogger system, it's cool, but it gives me more information, just enough to mess with my head.

i've apparently made 99 blog posts (this is magic 100)... not a lot, but i don't blog that often.

however, it claims i've had 500 unique visitors - this makes me wonder, WHO??  i've had a few comments, i've had a few people tell me they read this, but 500?

and it's such a tease, because i have no idea who it is unless they comment on things.  the integration into the G+ system is cool, but that tells you about me, not me about you.

i've had some problems with the new system... well, confusion in how the system is setup.  it seems that some of the things i've wanted to share (pictures, video, Latitude info, link secured YouTube things, etc) cause the system to need the viewer to log in with a Google account.

i'm not a fan of this, because not everyone has a google account - and not everyone wants to set one up - and not everyone wants to deal with another account.... bleh.

however, i recently had someone i know complain to me that she likes to read my blog when she's bored, and she couldn't see it a few days ago - this was because of these new settings.  she claimed it was fixed by logging in.  i had no idea this was happening - because so few tell me their thoughts!

so lurkers, if you have something to say SAY IT - if she hadn't said anything, the world would think my blog had stopped existing by now, ha.

and really - why lurk?  i get that maybe you don't have anything to say, maybe the post you just read didn't stir up any thoughts... i guess that's possible.  but for those of you who are being sneaky since i can't tell you're following my life and you feel like you need to check up on me for some reason... wtf is wrong with you?

if you really don't know me, and you're just getting someone else's opinion - awesome.  if you knew me years and years ago, and you're just reading what i'm up to - right on.  but if you and i are friends who talk in person or online... even if it's every so often, then speak up!  i'd love to hear anyone's thoughts.

seriously people, if you know me well enough to have spoken to me in the last year in one form or another, then say hello... or say something!  think about it - if we're friends, i want to hear your thoughts!  if we aren't friends, and you're just secretly stalking me on the internet, that's just creepy.  the less we talk, the creepier it gets - do you want to be a creeper?  do you like knowing you're that creeper?

here's reality - if you don't talk to me, but if people realize you're well versed in me and my life - you look creepy, and it's YOUR fault.  there are plenty of people in my life that i don't talk to often, but i still talk to them every so often, it's ok to keep in touch!  but if we only talk by accident, yet you're still keeping tabs on me because i'm a hot topic or because you have some odd interest in me, that's creepy.  if you're reading this now, you know it's creepy - so say hello, at least make it less creepy... at least give people a reason to understand how you're out with your girlfriends and know all i blog about but never rarely talk to me.  ya know?

and really, if i'm so interesting to you, i'd rather you say hello somehow.  say hi on facebook, send me a tweet, email me, invite me out with you and those girlfriends - buy my broke ass a drink!

i don't want to get anything for Christmas 2011

here's reality - i have everything i need, and more.

could i use some new things?  sure... my computer is old, my clothes aren't perfect, so on, so forth... but everything works and i clean up well, and the reality is that most everyone i know is in the same position.

are you?  do you need anything for Christmas?  are you without clothes?  do you not have enough music to listen to?  do you need yet another iPod or blender or pound of fat on your belly?  will you use that 3 months of gym membership if you haven't been willing to get up and take or walk or find a way to use the stairs during your day?

and what about the people in your world?  do they need another decorative home item?  will another book they will probably never finish improve their life?

in 2011 $8.5billion in diamonds will be taken out of African diamond mines... ironically the same amount needed to cure hunger there.  and here at home, 45million americans are on food stamps... and as much as i love to point the finger at the abuse of that system, even if 75% of them are cheating, there are still a lot of americans going hungry.  think about these facts when you consider all the things you 'need'.

i live a meager life - on purpose - i have access to enough capital to get by very well, and live and awesome life... but i don't have a lot of disposable income.  most of us don't these days.  there was a time when i would blow a few hundred dollars a night on bar tabs, drove a fast german car, hung out with faster women, and spent my time and money carelessly.  i believe i have grown past that, and i let go of the money... but i still have time.  and i do give it.

when i was young, my parents often made us help feed the impoverished during the holidays.  it was more than giving a few cans of food to the church - we actually had to dress well and go into the city and help cook, greet, seat, feed, and clean up after those who didn't have a big meal with family and friends.

it was scary.  it was also one of the rare times i saw my dad come out of his shell, and put on a smile and go out of his way to make those people feel welcome.

imagine how belittling it feels to have to go into a church basement for Christmas dinner.  luckily there was someone like my dad there to welcome people in, wash away their insecurity, and talk with them a while.  i'm sure they will never remember him, but it helped shape the better part of the man i am today.

he also never really wanted anything for Christmas... and why?  he always lived simple, and made a point that he could go out and buy anything he needs or wants.  when i needed a house, he just cut a check... without thinking about the fact that he hadn't updated his wardrobe in 20+ years or bought a new car in my lifetime.  he didn't care about those things.  his friends and family were well, his kids were well fed and educated, his lights on and his belly full...

it a powerful thing to be that down to earth.

as you read this - realize that in our country we have a problem with PET OBESITY, yes, you read that right.  we are feeding our pets so well, that many of them have a weight problem.  we feel that people should get off their asses and work, but fluffy should get the extra yummy fatty treats.  and, it's true, people should get off their asses and work.

but consider ways to help them up which aren't going to conflict with your thoughts.  donating food in cans or in person can feed a lot of families, and donating clothes can help a lot of kids.  give money to a church or some effort you trust - but if you feel giving money blindly fuels the problem focus your efforts into something you think helps... and then think about the $200 gift you want, and realize that for $200 you can buy a lot of good cheap kids clothes and donate it to a shelter, or food for starving animals.

or ask people to give you a Christmas card instead of that $200 gift, and in that card a note mentioning what charity that person chose to get your equivalent donation.  and be happy that for Christmas, you had to do nothing, and yet you made the world a better place.

ok, now the sane annoy me

i'm turning into a young Andy Rooney...

i recently posted about 4 people who can't be talked to for one reason or another, and subsequently people have come to me with more complaints - take it to them people!  this was my point!  no one wants to say anything to them, no one wants to rock their boat or deal with the backlash - why do you think i want to listen to you complain about it?

if someone's life is having a depressing impact on you, then sure, i'm here to talk... but if you don't like how someone is doing things enough to bitch - bitch them... do it nicely, be polite and calm and straight forward and explain that you care enough to say something.  but don't drag me into it.

i love a car accident as much as the next race fan, but i don't want to be in the car.

i love being wrong

in the last few years, i have watched people bury themselves being right... so much that it's really starting to strike me as a problem.  i'm wondering if it's something treatable, or just a sign of age.  and worse, they aren't being right about a big issue of ethics or politics, but personal issues that no one else really cares about, yet, they push forward so much that it's impacting their lives and they are oblivious.

well, maybe they aren't oblivious, but they can't change - and thats why i wonder if its an issue that could be treated.  then again, if they don't care enough to recognize and address it, is it a problem?  they're all adults and they can do whatever they want, right?

one is a guy who recently divorced, who with his behavior has managed to render himself basically friendless.  he obsesses with his appearance to the world, and making sure he has the best.  he thinks he's just taking care of himself and his kids, but in the end he's just acting in ways that people can't understand - and his reactions to being questioned cause everyone to back away.  it didn't help when he decided to make a habit out of dating people who should be on the 'no-fly' list... exgf's and ex-wives of close friends, or attempts to date family members of friends who have clearly stated their lack of interest because of his other actions.  in the end, it's a problem that just continues itself, and he can't be talked to.

another is a guy who was actually involved in someone's death, managed to bury it, and has also managed to render himself friendless.  there are plenty of people who are dying to be around this guy and let him believe what he wants for what he can provide... but today, he came up with someone who knows him much better than i, and her face went from happy to blank... i asked, "is the problem drugs or psychological?"  and she just replied, "yes".  being surrounded by 'yes' people, this problem may never be questioned.

a third is a guy who i don't talk to anymore, but who keeps coming up more and more as the holiday season causes me to see more people... and each person questions me about him, spouting their opinions as i eagerly work to drop the topic.  and in the end, each person is talking about their issues with him - at one point a conversation almost started with an accusation that i stopped talking to him because he's gay... an accusation which i find offensive - but somewhat ironic since the reason i stopped talking to him is because he was constantly accusing me of being the reason people think he's gay.  gay or not, he wants people to believe he isn't, and he wants to believe that he's not the slightest bit responsible for the rumors.  it couldn't possibly be any fault of his own, and the topic angers him, so i am yet one of many who have reason to avoid him... which is sad since we were at one point very close.

the last on my mind is a person i know who's family seems to spend a great amount of time with me talking about her issues in how they handles their life.  zero commitment, and an inability to stick to anything - which i don't have a problem with, but i can understand why people would question things.  this is one of many issues people have, small ones, that point to a larger problem of just not wanting to deal with life - but wanting to appear like she's so busy doing everything.  in the end, their world has been filled with people who have to be concerned about their jobs if this person is not happy, or a family who's afraid to tell them how they feel because this person may make holidays dramatic.  oh - thats the best part, this person loves to go on and on about how much they hate drama, but they are the primary source of it for many, awesome.

SO - what the hell is wrong with people that you can't just sit them down and say how you feel anymore?  i love that my friends can tell me when i'm making an ass of myself, or when i'm a problem, or when i'm a mess, and at least make me admit that i know i'm doing something wrong.

when we were young, we had to learn by people telling us where we made our mistakes - now, it seems that some people won't listen...

have you ever wondered why there are people who get older and just decide they can't be talked to?  NOW - i'm not saying that i'm right... but the evidence kinda speaks for itself... everyone else can't be wrong in the world, right?  tell me netizens, how do you talk to someone who's right?

tweet

i'm thinking of moving to Twitter more...  i'm looking at my posts on Facebook and i get a tons of responses to almost anything i post there; a producer i know calls it my 'Facebook Fan Base' - what?  really?

so many people on Facebook are at best mundane so maybe i should be proud on some level... after all, i'm still attempting to work in entertainment, and every coach i've had has told me that my first goal is to get an emotional response - hopefully the one i want.

but i can post anything on Facebook and i seem to get a reaction - today i posted gay teaser video!  proudly posted an awesome video of three of the fabulous attempting to do their own Speedo laden dance off to a catch Spice Girls tune, and why not, it was pretty entertaining.  and in seconds, i had comments.

i dont mind the comments, why would anyone post anything without expecting comments.  thats the best part of facebook - so many people use it for validation.  they'll post anything for validation... "my kid is 3 and just fed itself - yay!" or "look at me i'm on a date!" or "look how much i can travel for business!" or my favorite, the 'look at all this i want you to be secretly jealous of, so i'm going to complain about it' people... awesome.  but at least they have something to say, right?  there will always be the lurkers, those who love to limit who can see their page or check-ins and just watch others casting judgement they wouldn't date submit themselves for... gotta love double standards.  Facebook should be public and security free... but that's a different blog.

which reminds me - think about this:  there are no bad pictures of Kate Beckinsdale ladies, its not because she's always surrounded by professional camera and lighting crews - its because she takes care of herself enough to always look good.  stop detagging yourself, and consider a diet and exercise review.

and dudes, if you've ever detagged yourself from a pic that actually had your face in it - you have issues.  stop being such a girl, you're not that important no matter what your insecurity issues want you to believe.

facebook is reality on many levels... anyone who will lie to your face is probably going to lie on facebook, in fact, they're probably more likely to on facebook or anywhere else online.  at the same time, if you take facebook that seriously, you take life too seriously.  instead of taking life so seriously, consider taking a reality check seriously.

you're the reason people like you or not.  you're the reason you like you.  if you don't like your pics or what other people say in their posts, realize that the pic is of you (no matter how ugly or stupid it makes you look, because you're the one who drinks too much and got fat and did something embarrassing).

but - ANYWAY - yeah... Twitter.  I'm wondering if it's possible to create a fanbase on twitter... and would people comment as much or... how do i judge if people will even look?  hell, no one reads this - and if you are, i doubt you've ever made any comments (only 3 comments have been made, ever).

maybe i should just keep posting videos of young gay men... i wonder how much of that it would take to convince the world that i am gay, and then what i'd have to do to get them to realize i'm not.  blah, i dont care what people think enough to put all that effort in, odds are if people have already made their decision on me and nothing's going to change their minds now.   whatever anyone thinks, i encourage them to spread the word - especially if you have a hot sister or daughter.

hmm... Facebook for me:  http://www.facebook.com/rjvalenta  and then Twitter for me: https://twitter.com/#!/rjvalenta  what can i do to even them out?

about a week ago i was at a party and someone who tracks me on both mentioned that i should tweet more, but why waste the time if the result on twitter can't be realized?

it's frreeeezziiiinngg!!

I'm already tired of the cold, it's so cold that I'm letting myself be manipulated, ha.

I'm trying to get back into working, I basically took November off... I went off diet, stopped farming business, put off potential jobs, stopped working out, etc... it was ugly. I am really not liking the cold this year- then, my jacksauce friend added the Cataclysm expansion to my WoW account... hmm... easy distraction from the cold...

then it got to be December, and SOMEONE got tired of me hiding at home. it was ok when I was dieting and working out all the time, but now she's bored!

so, even more distractions! these are the problems that face my life, gorgeous blondes demanding my time, sleeping in all the time, and eating like crap.

ok, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it; and you may as well enjoy life, right? there are people who will poss away their lives at work, periodically taking breaks for vacations... but really in the end they spend most of their lives at work or at home.

think about it, that's kinda sad.

not that I'm much better in this cold, but really think about it people! on some level, I guess I can see those with kids as having a constant project going on which has many facets- bit there are some single people who work and go home and work and go home and work and then on weekends spend a few hours with people they wants to believe are friends... but... they are just the people they get to have as an excuse to leave the house... sad.

I'm lucky. I don't have to sit home bored, I don't have to spend time in awkward relationships with people who will never really know me.  I have to fight to stay at home alone, ha.  Tonight I gave in, I needed motivation to get moving in this cold... so I spent the night in a Clayton bar with the beauty and 2 friends, one of which I've been close to almost my whole life.

I'm a lucky man.

holiday shopping

i spent today shopping with a friend for Christmas gifts... a true irony since this guy has everything he wants and it's become a long running joke of the impossibility to get him a good gift.

i'm not a huge fan of the holidays as i've been on a mission to not eat and i've already been invited to a ton of holiday parties by friends and businesses and law firms and charities - all of which amount to an immense show of booze and food.  i will probably skip most of them, or make short appearances early before everyone's well sedated and pushing me to catch up.  i'm somewhat proud of my going without booze since my father's october birthday, not that i wouldn't enjoy a drink, but booze is just a gateway to being a fatty.

and the gift i'm giving myself this year, is body.

Thankful

in the last 48 hours i've had a great family event, been invited to live at a hot chick's place in LA, successfully created a way to organize my pictures online, and helped my nieces deal with all the changes they've been going through.  blah...

in reality, i'm lucky, and i'm just thankful.

i complain about a lot of stupid in life, and yes i can be vocal about it, but in the end i don't think anyone who can read this has much reason to complain in life.  i mean, if you're reading this, you're at a computer, and you're online.

stop for a minute and realize how many people not online didn't just have a huge Thanksgiving meal, but barely get to have meals.

be nice to one another, accept... see all you have and let go of the drama people.