sad, isn't it?

As many of you know, I had an incident impact me which has caused me to stop using Facebook, lock down my Twitter and my Instagram, and... I'm still working on Pinterest...

why?

BASICALLY, HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: 

I posted a picture I took of a friend of mine and something he owned for work, while he was at another friend of mine's house - and a THIRD person made an issue of it to the second friend... and, not just an issue, person 3 blew it entirely out of proportion and caused friend 2 hassle they surely didn't need or deserve.

And, ironically, neither of my two friends in the middle are even on Facebook, and the picture in question was about the device in question... because it was kinda geeky-cool.

The item my friend owned that was featured in the picture isn't political, it wasn't anything that could be used for a religious or moral argument, it was simply a tool the guy used for work.  We are trying to recover from the second biggest economic downturn in US history, and you want to cause issues because you saw a picture of a guy and his ability to work???

W-T-F!

Now, it needs to be said that the item wasn't really the problem - it was all the assumption and commentary extrapolated because the first guy had this item.  Everything the person said was made up, it was all conjecture, it was completely fabricated and then formulated into what was effectively an accusation.

People: stop making assumptions.  If I post a picture of myself holding a gun, am I a murderer?  If I post a picture of you holding a chicken, are you a farmer?  If I post a picture of an item, maybe I just think the item is cool, maybe i think it has class, or maybe I like it's history - and maybe you have no idea what else is going on.  Ask if you want, but ask me, don't ask others with accusation.

(i realize that i'm being very vague here, but that's the point, you have to know a lot about all the players involved to add anything to what i posted because it was simply about a tool one guy used for work)

Understandably, friend number 2 was annoyed... and while he understands that the focus of the picture wasn't him, or his house, or what was or wasn't happening, there was enough information there for someone to compile their own fantasy of possibilities in their mind and make a stink.

A stink about something that had NOTHING to do with them... delivered in a pleasant enough tone and with enough innuendo to make the point that they are thinking a certain way.

DRAMA. people... stop making ASSUMPTIONS

....so, after dealing with this person, friend 2 was upset and conveyed it to me - and i was feeling my friend's unhappiness.  because i posted a picture when friend 2 wasn't even there, a seemingly unimportant picture, that really made no sense to anyone, my friend is unhappy with my use of social media.

now - who's at fault?  well, we all know that really, the third person who made the stink is the asshole here.  but, my friend was unhappy with me, stating that he wanted nothing that could possibly ever have to do with him to be found on Facebook.

and sadly, i understand why.  in fact, i almost feel guilty about telling the public the story as to why, and only do so because there are but 4 people who can figure out who i'm talking about, in fact friend 1 isn't even aware of all this happening, and i seriously doubt they care enough to read this blog.

(if you do read this however, color me impressed!)

WHY DO PEOPLE CAUSE THESE PROBLEMS?

for years i published all my posts PUBLICLY, anything i thought or saw could be seen by the world.

in general, any requests people made to me to censor anything were ignored - but, i had someone come to me with their concerns and it was someone who's opinion i respected, and someone who had been burned by the internet in the past... so, i restricted my posts to 'Friends of Friends'.

as much as i can come off as a fool at times, i do one thing that no one can deny or argue with: i lead a life which i can be completely open about.  you could post every minute of my life on the 'front page of the newspaper' (as my mother used to say), and really, i have nothing to hide.

some would argue that it's because i'm not married, or because my parent's aren't paying attention... i argue this: I'm not doing anything wrong.

my years of habitual drinking are long gone, i have never been a drug user, i don't sleep with married women... and really, i don't even feel like 'playing the field' anymore, i don't do anything criminal - and thusly, i have nothing to hide.

even if i was married - so what?  if i'm married and she has to be concerned about how i spend my time away from her - what i'm doing isn't the problem, and we need to get to a counselor and get some truth out about why this is an issue.

and my parents... well i'm sure there are plenty of things they won't want to know, but at the same time i should be leading a life where i can tell my parents anything, right?

and my two friends that linked me to the problem in this situation - there's a reason they're friends of mine: it's because they aren't drunks, they don't cheat on their wife/girlfirend, they don't do drugs or anything criminal... they don't do anything wrong.

are my friends and i perfect?  no.  no one else is going to agree with out we live our lives, we don't even agree without the other two lives.  1 of them is constantly working and the other is constantly coming up with new random things to do or buy or get into or try - it's practically impossible to keep up.  but they are good men, they are good to their friends.  the one loves his girlfriend and the other loves his wife.  and they are both (generally) honest.

why did i have to say '(generally)'?  because sadly, they are now sucked into the life of having to live in a grey area of existence where often things are not volunteered or discussed because other people see it as social bait, and it causes a desire to climb into their lives and rattle around.

WHY??  what is wrong with people??

here's what i post on my social networks - i post about MY life.  i don't post reports on other people's lives, i post about MY life.  and i am lucky enough to have other people in my life, good people, and if they are in my life, they may end up in a post.

and now, it's causing them problems... because some people are too busy climbing into other people's lives.

we have abused the system, again.

people should not have to live in a world where they are constantly worried about how other people think of them.  WHY DO YOU CARE?

and really, i mean that on both sides of the fence:

first - what is wrong with you people that are constantly worried about what other people are doing, or how they spend their money, or where they go on a tuesday night?  we should all be able to lead our lives proudly without you outside people peering in to get bits and pieces and make their own assumptions of what fills in the blanks - only to twist it into some tasty piece of drama for to feed on since their own life isn't satisfying enough.  if you're so insecure that the best you can do with social media is look for ways to throw other people under any possible bus, then do the grown up thing and seek help.  if you want to spend your time caring what other people do, feel free i guess and be some kind of Perez Hilton, but keep it to yourself, and keep your facts straight... your interpretation is not needed.

second - the people who are being watched... yes, i must ask why you care.  now - you people actually have a reason at times.  when the first group causes you problems, that's a reason to care.  in my current situation, we have a reason to care... because some extra uninvolved person saw just enough to make something up in their own mind and start a finger pointing session.  but - i want to make the point that on some level, when there's no chance for hassle... fuck them, let the haters hate.  because it's only proof that our lives are grand when they can't be happy on their own.

for now - i am really annoyed.

MISERY LOVES COMPANY

i have another friend, a good friend, a lifelong friend... who i couldn't understand at times when i was young.  he spent a LOT of money on cars, and regrets it terribly now that he sees the looming cost of college in his future.  but back then, he was always getting a new car when the rest of us were lucky to have hand-me-down cars if anything at all.  his cars were fancy and expensive, and he always wanted a new one... and in the end, people always wanted to know about it.  finally one day he was giving me his usual complaints about people and i reminded him that he wouldn't have the problem if he would stop buying new expensive cars all the time.  this was not acceptable to him... he wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted without being hassled by others.

this is not how life works people.  sadly, it's not.  i want to line up all the people who cared so much about his new cars and yell out, "WHY DO YOU CARE??"

because they shouldn't have.

so people - here's the lesson here:  focus on yourself, then consider yourself lucky to have the life you have.  just being on Facebook means it's safe to assume you have a better life than most of the people in this world.

if you're life is so perfect that you cannot be hassled, then you should focus on keeping that up.  and if your life is such a mess you stare longingly into the lives of others, stop, and work on yourself.

self-help activity number 1: try to spend the rest of your life only saying good things about others.

after the age of 21 we should all know the difference between right and wrong... and somewhere in that, how to not make a spectacle of yourself.  life has unspoken rules that make it simple... don't be the guy who throws your dad's name around... don't be the girl who sleeps with married men... and don't make excuses about it being ok with your dad, or the married guy being separated at the time.  don't cut corners and keep life in balance.

lead a life you can be proud of, and communicate with those around you instead of lying.  life isn't about waiting around for the chance to make yourself look better by lowering other people to where you think you are.

and if your life is only in balance because it's flat and lifeless, then work on your own life instead of worrying about the jackass ego maniac guy or the girl who acts like a floozie.  trust me, none of our lives are perfect.

in my situation, my friend called me eventually and laughed about it all... still wanting me to keep his life off facebook, just because he doesn't want to deal with the hassle.  and sadly, i now understand.

and now, i question my own life in social media... and after posting last night that i planned on ending my run online there were many comments and private emails.

i appreciate them all, we are lucky to live in a time where distance no longer separates us.  i'm lucky that i can maintain my friendship on a daily level with my roommate from boarding school, and foster a new friendship with his daughter while she's in college, all through social media.  i consider myself blessed to know that people keep up with me, and just as it was a problem at first, it was a blessing when my friend called me to laugh about all the comments you had all made which he had heard about from his family.

this is how life should be, how we should all get along, where we can all communicate and be open and honest with each other.  so let's lead good lives, stop climbing into other people's lives, and let people feel free to be themselves.

...that lifelong friend and i were out to lunch one day recently, and i thought about his reluctance to make any posts online, and asked him, "is there anything at all you would publicly say to the whole world?".  he thought for a minute and replied, "thats a good question, and i know i should at least be able to tell the world how much i love my son, but in the end... no, i just couldn't do it."

this man, this good man, this man who hasn't had a drink in decades, quit smoking, saves his money, owns his own business, is generous, would never cheat on his wife, and loves his son more than anything else in existence has been so scarred by the hassle of other people's prying into his life that he now effectively lives in fear.  he later told me that he knew he should be able to, but he just couldn't

sad, isn't it?