FREEDOM!!

I want you to imagine you start a business... it could be a florist, or a restaurant, or a salon, or a computer store... anything you want.

You have the right as an American to run that business however you want, right?  You can only cut men's hair, you can only do flowers for funerals, you could only serve food to cops, you could only fix the computers of lesbians - its your business, you can do with it whatever you want.

And let's assume your business does well, you expand and buy a building and decide to hire employees.  You can buy or build your building, you can do that anywhere you want (as long as someone will sell to you), and you have the right to hire whoever you want - just as much as anyone has the right to not work for you as well.

So, explain to me why the government has the right to tell us lately how to run our lives?

This is still America, right?  Don't we all have the right as homeowners to do anything we want in our homes?  Don't we have the right as business people to run our businesses however we see fit?  Its a CAPITALIST society, the business which succeeds is the one with the hardest working people and the best plan (in theory), so if anyone is doing anything to cause people to not spend their money, they won't survive.

Yet, we now live in a society of entitlement.  Now even those who consider themselves conservatives roam the country assuming that they have the right to go into any business and have the conditions there up to their liking - by law.

This is not what America's about people!  If you go into a hardware store and its dark & dingy and the people there look shady, you leave.  There are no laws saying that products have to have value, and no laws saying a store has to be in conditions that meet your liking.  If you don't like it, you don't spend your money there, right?

Booohooo - too many Americans want there to be laws telling people how to run their lives and their businesses, and how is that freedom?  If you want to come to my restaurant for the atmosphere, then you want the atmosphere that I am providing, even if it includes gun-toting, cigar & pipe smoking, fur wearing, loud obnoxious people.  I have the right to allow people to do whatever I want them to be able to do in my place!  If its legal in general, I should be allowed to do it in MY home or MY business or MY building.  If I am a wizard of hair styling, and you want me to cut your hair, and I smoke - then that's part of what you're dealing with.  If i make a great cheeseburger at my home, you wouldn't tell me I can't smoke there - so why do you feel the righ to tell me I can't at my business.  If you don't like it, don't come there - - YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED THE RIGHT TO PATRONIZE ANY BUSINESS ANY MORE THAN YOU ARE ENTITLED TO MAKE USE OF SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME.

So someday, when you setup your own business, and then you find out that the government made it illegal for people to do what they want with their lives, and all the freedom you may lose in you own home - you remember it started now, and we allowed it.

unrealistic times

ok, no one can find me on Facebook...

holy crap, i never thought i'd get this much attention for NOT being around.  ironically, the reason for my not being around is because i'm not wanted around - what?  yeah... ok...

over the last 3 years, there have been 3 people at the core of my life, all 3 i considered my closest friends.  in the last 6 months, i effectively lost two of them.  i guess one could argue that it was my lack of action which caused me to lose them, and on some level i am sorry for that.  however, at the same time what they wanted wasn't realistic.  one was a woman, we dated and on many levels she is very important to me.  we stopped dating and i was reminded how unimportant i am to her.  given how she's treating other people in her life, i'm not sure how surprised i am.  i think she wants to be a good person who does the right thing, but in the end, thats not easy and often it will cost you as many relationships as it protects.

but, she's her own situation and its not like she's willing to pick up a phone and put any effort into friends (or, at least not this friend), so it tells a story.  she needs to Eat, Pray, Love, and until then all i can do is be the better person.

being the better person... this is something i often try to do.

then, there's the other person we'll call him H - a guy i thought was a good friend who has carried a chip on his shoulder for 10 years about a guy being rude to him.  for some reason this is something he can't let go.  rude guy is in our world, i don't control this, i dont tell him where to go, it's not my job to babysit anyone.  nor is it my job to be some kind of inter-personal referee.

however, in the end, H has allowed the presence of the other guy to ruin his life, it an many other things are making him miserable.  when i confront him about the details of the situation he ignores the facts and points out that this rude person was on my Facebook friends list - what?  yes, he wass one of the 600+ people on my friends list.  H has 273 people on his friends list, and probably 1/3 of them also have the rude guy on their Facebook friends list... but he doesn't complain to them, he complains to me.

this has gone on for YEARS.  his argument: if this rude person isn't an important factor in my life, then i can easily remove him and it shouldn't make a difference.  really, its Facebook, none of it makes a difference.  but - if i do this, what's next?  how much childish crap do i have to do for this 40 year old man to feel better about himself?    i'm tired of looking like this guys bitch in the eyes of the world over a childish issue.  if this was something i believed in, a cause of value, i could make a statement - but what statement am i to make when people notice?  what statement can i make that doesnt in the end make me just look like a fool?

i have tried many things to split the difference, but in the end H stalks me.  he monitors my Facebook page to the point where he will know details on friends he doesn't know and will probably never meet, family members of people i went to grade school with, and so on.  he monitors my tweets, he monitors my life, he stalks me - and he has told me he has to do it to make sure i'm not trying to pull some kind of trickery on him.  what?  yes, trickery, trickery that could involve the evil rude person.  that, and to make sure i am not ruining his reputation.  sadly, the truth of his actions is more damaging than anything i could possibly invent... but the truth is apparently what he wants hidden.  its a proud life for this 40 year old man.  shockingly, he's not happy in life.

and really, that's it, misery loves company.  its safe to assume that if H is going to banish himself to a life of solitude where he avoids events and places and more just to avoid this person, he wants to make sure that someone will sit there with him and not enjoy life too.

SO - how can i dispose of his demands, and still have my own life?  well, his demands were based on Facebook, so i got rid of Facebook.  i got rid of the 600 friends and the pictures and changed my email address that Facebook had.

i feel bad for H, it has to suck to be in the situation he's in between his insistance on being right while knowing he leads a life he can't share with his family or the world.  what sucks for him even more is that he got rid of his Facebook account and next to no one noticed where as i've spend the last 48 hours fielding tweets and texts and IMs and emails from countless people.  he's lonely.

he's not stupid, he knows that he has alienated people on purpose.  he knows he pushed everyone away over this all-important rude person who's nearly never around.  it has to suck to be SO right about everything that it costs you so much.

ironically, the two people i mentioned here used to complain about the amount of time i spent with the other person.

H spent today trying to catch me in some kind of 'trickery', claiming to know what i did, but unable to point it out.  here's what i did - i got rid of everything.  this was followed by claims that i would just go back to it all as if that was a crime.

fans and friends

i went to the lake one morning, and made my usual check-ins from Foursquare and with it Twitter and Facebook.  and in that a handful of people started to make the usual comments about my life...  "enjoy your play time" and "must be nice" and so on.

i get that a lot, people make comments which at times seem encouraging and at other times seem like a cross between jealousy and an effort to be involved so they can watch.  this kinda bothered me.

i have a lot of people in my life, and i don't expect to see or talk to all of them often, but from a few i realized i ONLY heard from them at moments like this, our friendship was arm's length it seemed, but they felt they could comment away as if they still knew me well enough to do so.  the tweets started flying, and when i thought about it, the only person who i thought really knew me well enough on twitter to say these things wasn't commenting at all, but she had made comments like these in the past... and now couldn't, or wouldn't, because of reasons i can only suspect which in the end have landed us only able to be friends behind the scenes.

i was back on the road, and it hit me - while her reasons were kinda sad, overall a lot of these people were similar in that they liked the idea of my being their friend, but not really, they just liked having me out there at arm's length for whatever reason, and hoped i would keep myself there so they didn't have to put any effort in.  they were too busy, someone like me wouldn't understand, they had jobs and kids and other things to maintain.

really, its the maintenance of their illusion which is key.  i know plenty of people jobs and kids and active lives who manage to keep themselves rather social, but the people of that day... seem to not be able to do that, nor could they admit as to why.  let's face it, its embarrassing to say that you can't or won't reach out to others because of some situation you should be able to control.  you control what you do with your life, you control if your kids are well behaved, you control if your spouse can't trust you, you control your own views.

i was annoyed, and this has annoyed me before.  so i said it publicly, i tweeted back to all who were apparently listening that their responses  would be proven wrong, that i would turn myself around, put a 3 hour drive of effort in and come back to see who wanted to really get out and be social.  i didnt expect parents to show up, last minute sitters are hard to find... and i didnt expect someone to be there if they were scheduled to work somehow that night... and really, i didn't expect any of them to show up at all.

none of them responded.  as usual, people who like to make claims of maturity and proper behaviour tend to get really quiet when they are put to any social test, it seems the two are not compatible.  i'm starting to think such claims are really more defensive claims for the nervous panic the feel in the face of insecurity.

and then, i got home - i was headed to Pi in the Central West End, I made it publicly known....

i spent the first part of my night with Allyson and Christina, both gorgeous and professional.  Allyson is the founder and managing editor of Sauce Magazine as well as having her own media company, she's very busy... but she made it... and, she wanted me to contact her about some things and I totally dropped the ball until today, so I hope she forgives me.  Christina is an attorney, has her own boutique civil litigation firm, also very busy, and she also made it.  we were outside and tried to take pictures of power lines... with little success.  Maggie was there with her husband Alex, though they didn't bring their toddler but they wanted to get out and see people i assume.  Maggie does freelance work on top of being a mom and Alex is a rising star at Express Scripts, one of those guys who's been assigned not one but two cell phones because he's always working.  They both made it.

Amber was the star of the night, in town from LA for a week and i was happy to see her, and happy she reached out to me online.  I'm sure she has a lot to take care of while she's here since she's not been in town for nearly a year, but she made it.  Casee had just started back to school, she's a teacher, and under the pressure of meetings and planning sessions and so on, she made it.

we were outside, the weather wasn't too bad actually, and from the distance i saw a tall stunning beauty approaching - it was Erica.  she WAS scheduled to work that night as a reporter for our local CBS station - and did, a MU J-School grad, very well put together and proper, and on a set schedule.  But, she made it.

after a few hours, a few people had to leave, it was getting late and people did have to work and deal with children and it was 11pm.  i was left with Amber, Erica, and Casee.  we all made our way over to Mandarin where the ladies danced and i did my poor impersonation of dancing.  we sat outside on their third floor patio and met new people and had many laughs.  it wasn't a crazy night, it was a good night, and it wasn't a late night really.

one of them asked me what the story was with my attitude on people, and i attempted to explain how i had plenty of friends who i didn't really go out with but i talked to often, who would eventually make time for dinner or pick up a phone and call to check in.... and then there were others who just seemed to wait around for me to reach out to them or make the periodic comments on my life.

"well, they find you entertaining" it was explained to me.  and maybe they do.  after all, a lot of the people i was tweeting with have lives which are laced with settling down and settling on life and lots of talk but not a lot of effort.  i mentioned this, and pointed out how very lacking my effort is in life, and how i wished i put in a lot more at times.  "but you do, and you don't follow the plain and normal, which is why you are entertaining" i was handed back.

great, i'm entertaining, and i know a lot of people who don't seem to want to be around me a lot.  "well, they cant do what you do, they have lives and with it the mental blocks which created those lives, which is why they are fans of people who live like you".

ok, this sounds horrific, i've been told many times that people live through me - live through me!  my life is a mess!  none of the people i know would trade lives with me!  "and, really they can't, its not in them".

this still doesn't answer why they couldn't pick up a phone and call... i was driving back, they were all leaving work, i said it publicly that i wanted to hear from them.  why didn't they call or tweet or show up?  they act like they are my friends, what's the problem?

"well, maybe they're just your fans"

and in that, for the first time I truly realized how a person could be lonely at the top, how a person could be the most popular and miserable, how a person could be a star and have everything, and be depressed.

luckily, i am not one of those people.