unrealistic times

ok, no one can find me on Facebook...

holy crap, i never thought i'd get this much attention for NOT being around.  ironically, the reason for my not being around is because i'm not wanted around - what?  yeah... ok...

over the last 3 years, there have been 3 people at the core of my life, all 3 i considered my closest friends.  in the last 6 months, i effectively lost two of them.  i guess one could argue that it was my lack of action which caused me to lose them, and on some level i am sorry for that.  however, at the same time what they wanted wasn't realistic.  one was a woman, we dated and on many levels she is very important to me.  we stopped dating and i was reminded how unimportant i am to her.  given how she's treating other people in her life, i'm not sure how surprised i am.  i think she wants to be a good person who does the right thing, but in the end, thats not easy and often it will cost you as many relationships as it protects.

but, she's her own situation and its not like she's willing to pick up a phone and put any effort into friends (or, at least not this friend), so it tells a story.  she needs to Eat, Pray, Love, and until then all i can do is be the better person.

being the better person... this is something i often try to do.

then, there's the other person we'll call him H - a guy i thought was a good friend who has carried a chip on his shoulder for 10 years about a guy being rude to him.  for some reason this is something he can't let go.  rude guy is in our world, i don't control this, i dont tell him where to go, it's not my job to babysit anyone.  nor is it my job to be some kind of inter-personal referee.

however, in the end, H has allowed the presence of the other guy to ruin his life, it an many other things are making him miserable.  when i confront him about the details of the situation he ignores the facts and points out that this rude person was on my Facebook friends list - what?  yes, he wass one of the 600+ people on my friends list.  H has 273 people on his friends list, and probably 1/3 of them also have the rude guy on their Facebook friends list... but he doesn't complain to them, he complains to me.

this has gone on for YEARS.  his argument: if this rude person isn't an important factor in my life, then i can easily remove him and it shouldn't make a difference.  really, its Facebook, none of it makes a difference.  but - if i do this, what's next?  how much childish crap do i have to do for this 40 year old man to feel better about himself?    i'm tired of looking like this guys bitch in the eyes of the world over a childish issue.  if this was something i believed in, a cause of value, i could make a statement - but what statement am i to make when people notice?  what statement can i make that doesnt in the end make me just look like a fool?

i have tried many things to split the difference, but in the end H stalks me.  he monitors my Facebook page to the point where he will know details on friends he doesn't know and will probably never meet, family members of people i went to grade school with, and so on.  he monitors my tweets, he monitors my life, he stalks me - and he has told me he has to do it to make sure i'm not trying to pull some kind of trickery on him.  what?  yes, trickery, trickery that could involve the evil rude person.  that, and to make sure i am not ruining his reputation.  sadly, the truth of his actions is more damaging than anything i could possibly invent... but the truth is apparently what he wants hidden.  its a proud life for this 40 year old man.  shockingly, he's not happy in life.

and really, that's it, misery loves company.  its safe to assume that if H is going to banish himself to a life of solitude where he avoids events and places and more just to avoid this person, he wants to make sure that someone will sit there with him and not enjoy life too.

SO - how can i dispose of his demands, and still have my own life?  well, his demands were based on Facebook, so i got rid of Facebook.  i got rid of the 600 friends and the pictures and changed my email address that Facebook had.

i feel bad for H, it has to suck to be in the situation he's in between his insistance on being right while knowing he leads a life he can't share with his family or the world.  what sucks for him even more is that he got rid of his Facebook account and next to no one noticed where as i've spend the last 48 hours fielding tweets and texts and IMs and emails from countless people.  he's lonely.

he's not stupid, he knows that he has alienated people on purpose.  he knows he pushed everyone away over this all-important rude person who's nearly never around.  it has to suck to be SO right about everything that it costs you so much.

ironically, the two people i mentioned here used to complain about the amount of time i spent with the other person.

H spent today trying to catch me in some kind of 'trickery', claiming to know what i did, but unable to point it out.  here's what i did - i got rid of everything.  this was followed by claims that i would just go back to it all as if that was a crime.