again, i'm talking about women...
(and later i include men too)
today i was talking to a woman i dont see very often as she lives out of town, and i made a comment about my probably not getting to her city any time soon, but if i do we'll have to go out and 'let me show off my LA beauty'.
in hind sight, i guess this could be interpreted a lot of ways, but her response was an instant, "my boyfriend is probably going to have a problem with that, maybe we can do lunch". and, i kinda got the feeling the idea offended her in some way... or like she thought i was making some kind of insinuation like 'i may never get there, but if i do, we are gonna hook up'.
ugh... or maybe she just really wants people to know she has a boyfriend, but i dont see how that's the case because she's one of the most beautiful women i know. at least i hope that's not it.
but it got me thinking about people who get into the possessiveness and displays and promotion of relationships. people who need others to know they have someone, people who have to promote their value to others by showing them how taken they are.
its people like this who are jealous and emotional... and usually a little unstable when it comes to it all because they can't simply believe in themselves and their relationship enough.
i don't think my out of town friend is like this, she's had plenty of drama in her life in the past and has mentioned many times her frustration with men & drama. she probably just thinks i'm typical male, and is tired of dealing with a lot of the egomaniac male assholes in our industry.
but other women, the women who want everyone to know she has a guy, and how perfect they are, and then when together hang on them...
WAIT - ya know, i'm not going to blame just women here, because i'm sure there are men like this too. there is a male version of this, some kind of overly protective jealous guy who thinks his lady deserves respect when she shows up in a bar dressed like a hooker and acting like a fool.
shouldn't a lot of this have been left in high school?
most of us are around 40, haven't we lost our need to validate ourselves with attention and relationships? isn't fawning over each other best kept at home?
and WHAT THE FUCK is up with these people, these couples, who share a Facebook account?
yeah... ok - no one take my word for it, ask someone else. go out and find someone stable and responsible and ask them what they think of men who are old enough to drink and are still getting in fights over women - or women who feel they have to promote their relationships by telling everyone about the details or hanging on them like cheap suits. and ask how it compares to normal down to earth relationships between people who don't have any relationship drama, because they are confident enough to appear alone but know they are special to someone... especially themselves.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
the craft of not crafting
when it got cold, a friend of mine sucked me back into 'the game', a video game we play online... it has again proven itself to be a dreary malaise of time passing.
life's an interesting thing. i love my freedom... i am left with so many open days to do anything. but without something paying me on enough of those days, i can't do anything on the days when i'm free.
today i went to a friend of mine's store and changed the light bulbs that were burnt out, and i did it because i wanted something to do, and i like to be involved in things with friends. i miss working with friends...
there are people in my life who often complain about how busy they are, which is entertaining on some level because more often than not, they are 'busy' with random things they are choosing to do to keep busy. really, they aren't working, they aren't dealing with pressing family issues... they apparently feel the need to look busy and tell everyone this.
you never hear Donald Trump talk about how busy he is during interviews, and i know some wealthy and powerful people... i never hear them talk about how busy they are either. they may talk about their day, but you never hear about how busy they are. the only people i hear it from are the people who really don't have anything to do.
lately, i've been like them... but i've been filling it with 'the game' - and i'm horrifically bored. the only bonus is that i have some kind of a social circle there, friends i've made over time who i enjoy in person but really only see them in the game. they all recently came back to the game, some recently quit as well... one giving the reasons of lost time and a recent move, the other without explanation. we assume the second is doing it for his kids.
so now, i need to get out of this winter funk, and get more to do - hopefully more with a paycheck.
life's an interesting thing. i love my freedom... i am left with so many open days to do anything. but without something paying me on enough of those days, i can't do anything on the days when i'm free.
today i went to a friend of mine's store and changed the light bulbs that were burnt out, and i did it because i wanted something to do, and i like to be involved in things with friends. i miss working with friends...
there are people in my life who often complain about how busy they are, which is entertaining on some level because more often than not, they are 'busy' with random things they are choosing to do to keep busy. really, they aren't working, they aren't dealing with pressing family issues... they apparently feel the need to look busy and tell everyone this.
you never hear Donald Trump talk about how busy he is during interviews, and i know some wealthy and powerful people... i never hear them talk about how busy they are either. they may talk about their day, but you never hear about how busy they are. the only people i hear it from are the people who really don't have anything to do.
lately, i've been like them... but i've been filling it with 'the game' - and i'm horrifically bored. the only bonus is that i have some kind of a social circle there, friends i've made over time who i enjoy in person but really only see them in the game. they all recently came back to the game, some recently quit as well... one giving the reasons of lost time and a recent move, the other without explanation. we assume the second is doing it for his kids.
so now, i need to get out of this winter funk, and get more to do - hopefully more with a paycheck.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
12 things happy people do... and my thoughts
i found this online, again the meat of this is not an original - but, i think there's something important in first being honest with yourself when you review this.
you can't do ANY of this without being HONEST with yourself and others... if you're not really thankful, no matter how much you say it, people can tell. if you're secretly depressed or angry, your optimism isn't going to show... and if you are secret paranoid & insecure about your position in life, and what people think of you... well, you see where im going.
so as you read this, ask yourself if you're ready to try this things true, you may be robbing yourself of the happiness it can provide.
you can't do ANY of this without being HONEST with yourself and others... if you're not really thankful, no matter how much you say it, people can tell. if you're secretly depressed or angry, your optimism isn't going to show... and if you are secret paranoid & insecure about your position in life, and what people think of you... well, you see where im going.
so as you read this, ask yourself if you're ready to try this things true, you may be robbing yourself of the happiness it can provide.
- Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Kinda cool right? So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that’s without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense. We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.
- Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
- Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority. Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out! If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made. What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place. If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.
- Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain. (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.) Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside. What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness. How extraordinary is that? Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on. A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin. Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.
- Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships. Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely? WHOA! There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with. We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.
- Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character. Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable. Forrest Gump knows the deal. It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan. It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.
- Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being. You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion. When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system. You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.
- Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still. It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task. Action and awareness are merged. You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional. You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing. Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.
- Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy. It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences. When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic. It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.
- Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force. Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere. When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing. Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.
- Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever. It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists. Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.”
- Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be. If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected. Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft? Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.
the last one is the hardest for me on a daily level... #10 is the hardest for me on the long term.
but this is my example of the thing they missed:
NUMBER 13: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS.
Monday, January 2, 2012
30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself in 2012
I have seen this on a few other blogs... it's genius and true. #3 is something just about every person i know does, i know i do it, and i want to break myself of it. The rest really apply to everyone as well, even if it's only on a small level.
If you're too ego-maniac or insecure to think you don't need the list below, you have bigger problems than fixing these 30 things first.
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.– The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done .
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
If you're too ego-maniac or insecure to think you don't need the list below, you have bigger problems than fixing these 30 things first.
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.– The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done .
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
how men are screwed up, at least me.
i'm 40 and i'm single... i've never cheated, i've had many women interested in relationships, and some state clearly their interest in spending the rest of their lives with me.
and it's a little amazing because i'm a mess. yes, let me make this clear because i'm sure there are going to be plenty of women wanting to point out all my flaws when they're finished reading this.
here's the truth: i need to clean things up if i want to find a relationship. here's reality: any woman i'd want to be with deserves to have the better me.
so many times i've had women tell me that i'm single because i haven't found 'the right one'. because the 'right one' will bring me around. because the 'right one' will make me different.
and yet, i'm 40 and i know a LOT of people, and the 'right one' still hasn't come around. oddly enough, i still have a solid group of single male friends who are waiting for the 'right one' as well.
here's the problem:
-first, men are shallow: if a woman wants to grab a man's attention, she needs to look good, and at least hint at a desire to continue to look good in the future. men should do this too.
women need to do this without looking like a whore. cleavage is attractive, a black bra under a thin white shirt is going too far. 'a lady in the street and a freak in the bed' - yes, it's true, the song doesn't lie. expose the bra at home alone, keep it classy and still sexy in public. sexy is important, cover up the cleavage and now you appear frigid... and what man wants to spend the rest of his life not getting laid?
and ladies, stop dressing for other women. i realize that you think men don't care how you dress... this only applies if your body is perfect. no one's body is perfect.
-secondly, men are selfish: we want our space, but oddly enough we want someone to be available on our schedule. this causes a lot of women to be givers, and give and give and give... then subsequently wonder why they aren't getting anywhere. ladies, you need to learn to balance the give and the take.
and with that, you can't be busy all the time either. no one is busy all the time. having a job, and a lot of friends, and a lot of work related happy hours, and helping your sister with her kids, and going to the gym, and doing charity work, and having a side business at home, and going to church... all this means you have an active life, it doesn't mean you're busy. if you think you're impressing people being 'busy' all the time, you're really making yourself look like an ass who can't manage her life or a lazy ass who's always building an excuse into life to bail on things, and subsequently someone who's generally full of shit. if you want to be impressive, do it all and always find time for others by using your scheduling skills.
no man wants to know he's talking to a woman who's going to devote all her time to him expecting the same in return, nor does any man plan on spending time with a woman who has to plan to make plans.
-third, men are lazy: if a man is interested in a woman, he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life explaining it. sure, there's the courtship, but eventually a woman needs to be confident in the man and the relationship. confidence comes from the inside... if a woman isn't confident, she can't be confident in a guy's interest in her.
with that, let's remember not to take it too far. what do women think of a guy who's boisterous and loud? they think he's an ass... so ladies, when you go spouting off about how men can't handle you, you're not helping your cause. admitting that you're 'too much women' or 'sometimes psycho' or any other random annoying habits are just as bad for you as they are for men. if you're lucky enough to have people criticize you, gain confidence in your self improvement. remember men are lazy, so we don't find it intriguing.
and let's remember that somehow society expects men to be lazy, at least regarding relationships. gone are the days when romantic gestures, even as simple as holding a boombox over your head outside a woman's bedroom window are acceptable.
-lastly, why am i single: why are so many men single? because women put up with our shit. egos and insecurity are so rampant these days that we have become a nation of overly dramatic morons with yo-yo waistlines and out of control 'needs'.
what man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman who thinks everything is important? who wants to spend their time with someone who can't remain calm when embarrassed, remember not to do something embarrassing, or keep herself from chasing the latest fashion to impress all the other women she feels she needs to impress.
i'm single because i'm shallow, selfish, and too lazy to put up with women who aren't willing to accept they're just as wrong as i am. i'm screwed up because i'm out of balance.
it's all about balance, not too sexy, but still sexy... not to giving but not busy... not overly confident, but not lacking in confidence (or worse, lacking it and faking it).
i visited china last year, they are very into 'balance'... and in thinking since then i've really began to see the validity in it. i need to get into balance.
and it's a little amazing because i'm a mess. yes, let me make this clear because i'm sure there are going to be plenty of women wanting to point out all my flaws when they're finished reading this.
here's the truth: i need to clean things up if i want to find a relationship. here's reality: any woman i'd want to be with deserves to have the better me.
so many times i've had women tell me that i'm single because i haven't found 'the right one'. because the 'right one' will bring me around. because the 'right one' will make me different.
and yet, i'm 40 and i know a LOT of people, and the 'right one' still hasn't come around. oddly enough, i still have a solid group of single male friends who are waiting for the 'right one' as well.
here's the problem:
-first, men are shallow: if a woman wants to grab a man's attention, she needs to look good, and at least hint at a desire to continue to look good in the future. men should do this too.
women need to do this without looking like a whore. cleavage is attractive, a black bra under a thin white shirt is going too far. 'a lady in the street and a freak in the bed' - yes, it's true, the song doesn't lie. expose the bra at home alone, keep it classy and still sexy in public. sexy is important, cover up the cleavage and now you appear frigid... and what man wants to spend the rest of his life not getting laid?
and ladies, stop dressing for other women. i realize that you think men don't care how you dress... this only applies if your body is perfect. no one's body is perfect.
-secondly, men are selfish: we want our space, but oddly enough we want someone to be available on our schedule. this causes a lot of women to be givers, and give and give and give... then subsequently wonder why they aren't getting anywhere. ladies, you need to learn to balance the give and the take.
and with that, you can't be busy all the time either. no one is busy all the time. having a job, and a lot of friends, and a lot of work related happy hours, and helping your sister with her kids, and going to the gym, and doing charity work, and having a side business at home, and going to church... all this means you have an active life, it doesn't mean you're busy. if you think you're impressing people being 'busy' all the time, you're really making yourself look like an ass who can't manage her life or a lazy ass who's always building an excuse into life to bail on things, and subsequently someone who's generally full of shit. if you want to be impressive, do it all and always find time for others by using your scheduling skills.
no man wants to know he's talking to a woman who's going to devote all her time to him expecting the same in return, nor does any man plan on spending time with a woman who has to plan to make plans.
-third, men are lazy: if a man is interested in a woman, he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life explaining it. sure, there's the courtship, but eventually a woman needs to be confident in the man and the relationship. confidence comes from the inside... if a woman isn't confident, she can't be confident in a guy's interest in her.
with that, let's remember not to take it too far. what do women think of a guy who's boisterous and loud? they think he's an ass... so ladies, when you go spouting off about how men can't handle you, you're not helping your cause. admitting that you're 'too much women' or 'sometimes psycho' or any other random annoying habits are just as bad for you as they are for men. if you're lucky enough to have people criticize you, gain confidence in your self improvement. remember men are lazy, so we don't find it intriguing.
and let's remember that somehow society expects men to be lazy, at least regarding relationships. gone are the days when romantic gestures, even as simple as holding a boombox over your head outside a woman's bedroom window are acceptable.
-lastly, why am i single: why are so many men single? because women put up with our shit. egos and insecurity are so rampant these days that we have become a nation of overly dramatic morons with yo-yo waistlines and out of control 'needs'.
what man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman who thinks everything is important? who wants to spend their time with someone who can't remain calm when embarrassed, remember not to do something embarrassing, or keep herself from chasing the latest fashion to impress all the other women she feels she needs to impress.
i'm single because i'm shallow, selfish, and too lazy to put up with women who aren't willing to accept they're just as wrong as i am. i'm screwed up because i'm out of balance.
it's all about balance, not too sexy, but still sexy... not to giving but not busy... not overly confident, but not lacking in confidence (or worse, lacking it and faking it).
i visited china last year, they are very into 'balance'... and in thinking since then i've really began to see the validity in it. i need to get into balance.
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