women don't see how i see

WOMEN - last night a few female friends of mine commented first on how awesome my hair looked - then lambasted me for my posts online, commenting that I'm some kinda dick when it comes to my opinions on women and their appearance.  Well yes, if I have things I like in a woman's looks, then yes, I'm a dick.

But, it's important for all of you to know that any man's choices in aesthetics, are only as important as his choice in favorite baseball team.  Society and Barbie and Pepsi may have sold you on what beauty is, and may have even been as wrong as to tell you that people like you less for it - but that is wrong, and it is far from everything that makes a woman beautiful.

So, if I have offended you with my comments on aesthetics, let me take this time to tell what beauty is:

BEAUTY is found in my mother, in the way she loves the innocence in babies, and still sees me as one no matter how old I get.  Beauty is found in the way Meg works all day from her corner office at the bank, then comes home to take care of her husband and her son (knowing both sat around at home all day).  Beauty is in the way Stasia is busy with all kinds of jobs and still makes time for her work for food and environment - and to make it to every one of her boyfriend's shows.  Beauty is in the way Ali and Mallarie and Kiki put themselves together every day to work for a charity, then on days when they are closed they bring in women rebuilding their lives so those women can get new outfits for free.  Beauty is in the way Meredith will be home alone with 3 kids sometimes for weeks while her husband is literally half a world away working.  Beauty is the way Laura rallied countless people to gather clothes and supplies for her student and his family when their house burned to the ground.

Beauty is in how all of these women do these things because it's the right thing to do, expecting no recognition, and expecting nothing in return.  Beauty is in how they offer, in how they ask to give, in how they think for others.  Beauty is in how they carry themselves with a smile in the face of life's bumps.

Beauty is in the way Alex writes her blog and Lisa hates clowns and Suzy lives by the code she pushes on others.  Beauty is in the way Eleanor plays music, it's in Jessie's flair for design, and the way Caroline lived in New York and Chicago and still stays true to the Blues and the Cardinals.

Beauty isn't perfect, it's in the way that Wendy still hasn't found time to take down her Christmas tree with St. Patricks day 2 weeks away, it's in the way Auby shows up to bars in scrubs after spending all day with patients, it's in the way Mary seems to be on a mission to destroy her computer by 'accident'.

Beauty is quiet, it knows it's there, it doesn't need to be validated and knows it's alive when it reflects in all of your perfect smiles you women so often find imperfect.  It's there in all the women I mention here and all those who are reading this just to see if I mentioned them, the women who lurk, the women who never post, the women who are so worried their thoughts will condemn them... they should let it out and shine.

Beauty is in the way women love on puppies but know they can't take them home.  Beauty is in the moms who don't need to tell everyone how great their kids are, because they already know.  Beauty is in the wives and girlfriends who tolerate the way we men have no idea how gross we are.  Beauty is in the women who go out of their way to ask about others when they are sick, or do things for them, or to visit those who can't get out no matter how boring it is.

Beauty is in the women who know how to let a guy down without hurting his ego.  Beauty is in the women who can handle life without making an emotional ordeal out of things.  Beauty is in women who can express themselves but don't force their thoughts on others.  Beauty is in women who don't need control because they understand the lack of control that life really gives us.  Beauty is the women who deal with their siblings and friends and their stupid crap with a smile because they love them.  Beauty is in the women who know when it's time to let someone go in life, but never treat them like they're dead.  Beauty is in the women who know all they are and don't need to tell anyone else to feel better about it.

Beauty is in honesty with herself and with others.  Beauty knows how to delivery unpleasant news, tell people how she feels and why, and do it with a smile because it's the right way to handle things. Beauty is in the women who can tell how life is - and accept hearing it - like it is... and still spread happiness.  Beauty is in the way you face reality and improve instead of hide.

I'm forced to wonder, what do women think about the men who feel like they have to have the fast trendy car or the slick expensive suit or run around flashing a big watch and a lot of cash. Beauty has nothing to do your outfit or your body or your makeup.  With that, how many times have I heard from women that a guy whose always working on his body and is flashy is probably a huge dick, and waiting for his moment to prove so?  That street goes both ways.

And ladies - eventually... we're all alone with someone, even if it's just with ourselves.  Eventually we are all naked with someone.  Eventually someone knows us for who we are with nothing in our hands, nothing to bring out a certain color, nothing to make the lighting perfect.  Eventually, if we're lucky, someone knows us only for what we have to say, and how we feel when life doesn't make sense, and who we are with no one else around... and they like us anyway.  That's your beauty.

Relax, stop caring about what others think - if you want to look like a supermodel do it for yourself.  In the end, it shouldn't matter.  If you can't be naked in front of someone physically AND mentally - you're going to miss out on a lot, possibly multiple a lots.  Relax, and see how beautiful each of you are.

And it's that moment, when you are all truly beautiful.  Because no matter what Facebook Richard says to encourage eye candy for himself.... no matter what Blog Richard says when he's annoyed with the games some women play when they don't see the beauty in themselves.... no matter what Drunk Richard says picking up random chicks with daddy issues... beauty is found IN you, in what you do with your time, in what you do for others, in how you believe in yourself, and in how you impact the world.

Every woman I have known has beauty in her, and any woman I've spent any amount of time with probably has beauty she may not even realize... sadly, I can't tell you all the beauty I see in each of you without seeming creepy - but I wouldn't go out of my way to be in your life in any way, if I didn't think you were beautiful.

STOP being annoyed by what others think.  On some level, doesn't it suck that I can't just tell women about all the beauty I see in them?  Isn't it terrible that fairy tales can only play out in movies because the only men who can tell you how beautiful you are are gay or the ones you've been dating for a while?  A man can no longer tell a woman how great she is without some big dramatic result.

I've often been scoffed at for the women from my past, the bimbos, the ones who barely had names.  And its true, I had my years of childish shallow short-sighted views.  But as it is, I see what beauty is.  Not everyone is going to find another person attractive, not everyone is going to be a match on the inside either.  But that doesn't mean the beauty isn't there.

None of us are perfect ladies, we all make mistakes, we all have regrets, we all have the choice to admit our mistakes and accept ourselves for who we are with a smile.  And eventually everyone - EVEN RICHARD - will get old and ugly on the outside.  That's how life works.  All we can do is be beautiful, because probably, hopefully, that's what people will see in the end.

So sure, it's completely possible that you will see me out having dinner with a thin scantily clad woman who's enjoying a bowl of hot water with a chicken bone in it and a side of salted ice cubes while complaining about how full she is.  Sadly, that may be all I have left.

But realize that if you see me with her more than once, she has some kind of beauty in her somewhere.  I can't help what I'm attracted to that opens the door, I can only control how long they stay.

And ladies, if for a second you question your beauty - never forget that it comes from the inside...  and really, on the inside, Richard sees it too.