c’mon baby new year!

ok, lets face it, as lucky as we all are - 2008 had a hitch at every corner. but, lets face it - 20 years ago we were all a bunch of fools who had no idea what we were doing, and what a problem was. our parents paid our bills, we followed the plan... school... etc. now we have careers and ideas, and situations that impact or are impacted by other people.

when you factor all that in, and realize that doing things can cost you in time or money you don’t have, and that time and money are actually important factors, and then the people - problems.

i did the math, and so far in my commuting to Chicago, i spent a solid month on a train - a MONTH of my life roughly in 2008 inside a big shiny metal penis traveling at 80mph through the back-country of Illinois. while this was going on, life was happening for people who’d planned sooner, etc. and in the end, we faced the end of another year...

progress wasn’t huge for 2008, in fact, as a country we stepped backwards a bit economically and fiscally, in a way which could have drastic impacts on 2009. but for now, we all took a break, met at Hurl’s, had a few drinks, some of us spent some time in the hottub (ok, just me), and we all rang in the new year.

there will be a day when all the things we’re worrying about won’t matter. on that day, i hope to remember only times like this.

tis the season

don’t let the face fool you - it wasn’t too bad.

i come from a huge family - i mean HUGE. my mother is one of 17 children. my father is one of four, but by the time i came around he was the only one left in town... so when i was young there was PLENTY to do around the holidays. since then things have changed a lot, the extended families have trimmed back a great deal due to the loss of grandparents and more spreading by the younger generations, so what used to be a series of dressy events where you saw 100 different people now boils down to a laid back dinner and watching my pre-teen nieces tear apart simple gifts.

and until now, i viewed all this as a hassle. and it was a long time ago... when i was young and just wanted to be with my friends, but now i miss seeing my cousins and aunts and grandmothers. i miss the big affair at my grandmother’s estate, the ocean of relatives, the spread, the two meals at the other grandmother’s house prepared in a fashion only my mother can currently replicate. and i know that some day i’ll miss seeing my youngest nieces hand out presents and go ballistic at candies and games. and most importantly, the simple joy my father finds in seeing his two grandchildren happy and around.

i had a good year... it wasn’t easy, but a lot of people didn’t get the year i had. they didn’t get to chase their dream, they had to work a lot and not get paid much and face the looming economic crisis worried about their kids or homes. i don’t know where my dreams will take me in 2009, and there was a lot of unhappy in 2008, but in the end, i’m still a very very lucky man.

-season’s greetings

the Luckiest Man on the Planet

This past weekend, I had my last show at Second City, and a group of my friends came up just to see me and celebrate my being on stage...


It wasn’t a huge deal really, it was my final show in my final class of the basic improv program. It was basically the adult improv version of a piano recital. In the past, I’ve had other shows and would get on an early train, go up and do the show, and get on the train home like it was a normal day. But the support was huge for this last show. Subash and Kathy flew in from Pittsburgh, Hurl flew up from St. Louis, and Laura drove up from St. Louis. Kirsten and I joined her, a great old friend Stephanie met us there, and Kirsten put us up for the night so we could enjoy our time there. 2 of my cousins showed up for the show as well, I couldn’t believe all the support. Everyone seemed to have fun, so I’d like to think it was worth everyone’s trip.


We were a 9 person ensemble, and 3 days beforehand we lost 1 of us to a family emergency. The
weather was horrific, and most of us were late to our planned early arrival to rehearse a last minute new plan... which we didn’t have in our hands really until 20 minutes before the show. And of our remaining 8 players, 3 of us, including myself, were sick.


But we still kicked it in the ass and rocked the place. We played, I felt like we hadn’t at first, but after hearing everyone simply start with how they didn’t even have it in them to get up on stage, much less do it all without a script - and then watching the tape and seeing the laughs we got and the creation that occurred, it wasn’t bad at all... in fact, it went very well.


After, we hit the various bars around Second City, my friends took me to a handful of great places, and others joined us. We traveled down Wells and eventually ended up back downtown near our hotel to round off our night of many drinks. That night i think everyone slept well, and the next day we got up and had a great breakfast together after a quick walk across the street in a horrific -3’ wind. Chicago winters... bone chilling. After, the weekend was over, and we made our escape... almost. First, the hotel valets had to have an accident with Laura’s car and cause a few grand in damage. Luckily, two valets hit each other and they admitted it was all their fault, so things should be ok.


As we left, I caught Kirsten on tape, which apparently bothers her...

trying to swing

today i busted my ass to work on a website for a friend and client. they’ve needed the work done for a long time, and the reality of life is that i’m embarrassingly behind financially. i keep this to myself, and no one reads this blog so i have no problem putting it here. its hard to be me and not feel like a joke - i had it all, and i gave it up to chase a dream... and now what do i have? bills piling up, friends who’s careers are going places, a gal who deserves better, parents who luckily have no idea how bad things are for me, and a world of people who think all this is the most impressive thing ever! yeah, impressive, i’m chading the dream, but the truth is that i’m facing this alone because no one else wants to tolerate my life.

so - i’m blogging as somewhat of a diary to myself, and possibly to reach out to anyone out there who wants to chase that life changing dream... and what do i have to tell you?

you’re on your own.

if you’re lucky enough to have people in your life who care a little, be happy, enjoy that time, relish those relationships, but face the reality that everyone out there has their own agenda, and it won’t be long before they remind you that they have to take care of themselves.

now, this doesn’t mean people are bad... its really very simple. people have what they want, what they need, what they can tolerate, and so on. things that are important to you aren’t always going to be important to other people - and even when they are supportive of your attempt to do something, it doesn’t mean they’re willing to do it themselves, or be inconvenienced in any way. i consider myself lucky: today i have work, i have a way to make some green and get a little caught up on some bills. i also have people all planning to come see me in chicago for my last show, laying out time and cash to see me on stage and be supportive. its not everyone i know, and i can’t fault others for not being willing to travel locally much less far away to see me on stage. i’m lucky enough to have a gal in my life who’s willing to stand and cheer for me anywhere, and a handful of friends who are driving and flying just to make an event of my event. but reality is that eventually, there won’t be an audience just for me, there will be a show on the road, a film or commercial shoot where people are happy i’m there to earn them money.

heh, hopefully at least - someday i’m going to have to earn enough so that i can give back to all the great people in my life in a big way. someday i want to take my ‘friend-fans’ on a trip on me to see whatever else they want, and sit in the audience with them. and kirsten deserves even more, she’s been so encouraging and tolerant of my embarrassing life.

so artists & idea people & idealists - run with your dreams, but be confident in yourself and your life. you can NOT take your setbacks personally. if you get shot down at an audition, or denied a grant, or feel like no one is paying attention to your ideas, you just take a step back and figure out why and how to work around it. its you against the world, and be ready for reality - be a fair judge of yourself, and others.

chuck-a-burger

kirsten’s been having a really rough go of things lately, so we spent last night at my place
watching movies and laying around. i don’t have a lot to give her, so i try to be there for her to hang out with and be able to talk to at least. the next morning i went over to her place so we could get some food, and i’m on my mission to do things that aren’t the usual. she was willing to take a chance on my idea, and we went to chuck-a-burger.

she was a little nervous about it at first (she’s not big on new things that aren’t clean and trendy, her ‘minds eye’ likes to make up all kinds of reasons not to do them). but god love her, she took the chance at the greasy north side burger hut. chuck-a-burger used to be a well established chain of the classic 50’s burger joint. what once was many locations all over the metro-area now only has two locations, but their location on St. Charles Rock Road still has car-hops! sadly, kirsten wasn’t up for taking things that low... and lets face it, the picture above
isn’t really a true representation of how the place looks today - but it was still totally worth it.

we just got the basics, splitting a cup of chili and then a couple burgers. it wasn’t Carl’s, but it was great greasy spoon nevertheless.

auditions, unions, and making the best of it

today i had my first audition for a paying job in almost 2 months... this town is killing me. i love Saint Louis, but its terribly limited for an actor i’ve learned. there’s no Goodman Theater here, there’s no established production economy here, and as technology developed over the last 20 years, it became completely possible for local companies to produce ads in other cities and have them back here within days.

and for this, the community has suffered. people who want to act and be professional can’t make it here - the effort required doesn’t have the possible local reward. and with this leaves an opening for anyone willing to show up and get the job and take less pay.

and i’m SAG; and i completely support performance unions. but in this case, the unions are wrong. and why? the unions allow producers to hire whoever they want for principal roles, bring them in from wherever, and then (except for cities like NY or LA) they can hire whoever they want for background, stand-in, extra, and cameo roles. the reason being that there isn’t the pool of talent to choose from in the union because the general pool of actors is so small.

however, the rules that the union places on me are GLOBAL. i’m not allowed to take any of these jobs if they are non-union, even if they pay better than union wages. now really, how much sense does that make?

i went SAG because i plan to leave STL to chase bigger and better productions and getting my SAG card in other cities will prove to be a challenge. but in reality, if you’re an actor in St. Louis - who’s planning on staying here, get the card, pay your dues - and go Fi-Core. Until the unions want to put the time and effort into the whole country, its really the only option.

after the audition i went on with my plan to do things that i don’t normally do. and for today, i went to Ted Drewes for some tasty Frozen Custard... mmm... I got myself a mocha something and my dad a small vanilla, it rocked. every town has its unique places to eat that everyone needs to try, and this is on the tops for the STL.