women i need to be set up with, and why

women, i love you... just like men, few of you are completely honest, and most of you are insecure.  so while i sit back and watch half of you try to hide things from your friends or parents or kids or significant other... and the other half of you do crazy shit because you're afraid no one will love you, here's the few fantasy women i'd like to give a test drive.

i'm attempting to list them in alphabetical order (but this isn't the NYTimes, so if i add someone late and get sloppy about it, remember this is in fun).  and really, i'm doing it that way because there's no particular order to my craziness.

and yes, since this is all a fantasy anyone, some of these are practically impossible.  plus, while some are listed more for their appearance than others, some are listed only because they are great women.  and, in the end - this isn't reality.

some day, maybe, i'll meet a woman who probably isn't on this list.  and is much more likely to be someone i will want to spend my life with a lot more than the woman listed here.  but when i'm bored i blog, and when i was sick last week, this list got started - so now you get to suffer through it.

SO - for just a date: some time out together, no pressure, let's see what happens... and really because the personality i perceive from your image seems awesome, (again MY perception, which is probably twisted anyway) and i havent noticed any problems yet:

Alicia Keys: Her voice is like a siren song, her body is bangin, and after I saw her turn into an epic badass in 2006's "Smokin Aces" I wanted her to be my leather clad songstress body guard.  There is something awesome about a chick who can embody sexy confidence and kick ass, but in the end lets her hero carry her off.  Maybe I just want to see her in that outfit in person... I guess she seems hot and awesome in reality too, I'll need a private concert.

Anna Faris: I didn't bother to dig up dirt on this one, but between her performances and the few interviews I've seen she seems to be stable and really entertaining.  There's something great about someone who can carry a conversation about nothing and make it entertaining.  Maybe she can't, but I'll need that date to find out.




Carrie Underwood: what can I say?  she's hot... she's a small town girl from nowhere Oklahoma that managed to sing her way through American Idol without becoming the freak so many other contestants on that show have.  An animal lover (but steak eater), and a spiritual woman - she's basically the all-american beauty.  She's that woman who cooks her man into fatness, but knows better than to eat.






Chris Jansing: she's 55 and she still looks awesome!  I have had women flat out tell me, "when I get to 50 I plan to totally let myself go" - wtf- does this sell to men somehow?  I'm sure I will hear from women how she looks good because it's her job.  Whatever, she looks good because she wants to.   um... she's also a respected NBC reporter, and I'm sure we'll not agree on anything, but I still want the date, if only to hear about the places her job has taken her.

Gloria Steinem: I'm calling this a date, but really, it would be an interview... this woman (can I call her that without offending her?) has balls, and put together a movement.  On many levels I agree with movement for gender equality, but that's not the reason I want my date - I want to meet and hang out with someone who was shy and gorgeous and rose up to create change.







Heather Graham: She's a classic beauty and comes off as down to earth, and moreover NOT uptight.  Somewhere out there (still, even today in 2012) are women who have trouble admitting to using the bathroom or owning sex toys... I don't see her being that. She's rumored to have some fairly radical views... can't find that out without at least one date.  Let's just hope it goes REALLY well.

Jenna Mourey: The second most often mentioned woman people say is perfect for me (and ironically, nothing like the first).  Aside from looking the way she does, she's got a Master's, she's sharp, and seems fearless.   Most importantly she seems FUN.  Unfortunately, she's also 15 years my junior and lives on the west coast, but the personality and energy she oozes in her vlog (as 'Jenna Marbles') are captivating.




Kaley Cuoco: ya know... she's hot, but she's not perfect (which is actually better), and she spends all her time working with pseudo-geeks... plus, word on the street is that she's a big tech user, so it gives me the misimpression that I may have a chance.  If any part of her real personality comes out in her Big Bang Theory character, we will hit it off.


Kimberly Guilfoyle: One one FNC's 'Five', and proof to all those nay-sayers that my only interests are rail thin blondes.  This gorgeous brunette is packing dangerous curves - and more importantly - instead of being that woman who wants a lawyer to take care of her, she IS a lawyer with a past working in the San Francisco prosecutor's office... yup, she's packing as much in the brains department as she is in the boom department - win.



Katy Perry: Yet another of the 'seems like she has a down to earth side' category, though you wouldn't know it from the radically changing hair color and her choice in ex-husband.  But really, it's her drive and her admitted battle with reality vs. professional appearance.  I can appreciate anyone who brought herself up after repeatedly being knocked down and kept a positive attitude... the singing is a bonus too!





Lolo Jones: I know going into this that I'm fairly out of shape, and have a tendency to drink, which will eventually lead to smoking like a chimney... all of which I'm sure she'll hate.  But she's an olympic athlete who did it all from a horrifically poor upbringing.  I have respect for her, and that is intriguing.  And, she's in awesome shape, did I mention that?

Nicki Minaj: I'm not going to sugar coat this one.  I want to go out with her because I have a feeling it will be out of control. She's probably going to be unhappy that I'm not really a fan of her music... maybe we'll get some steaks and hit a DeadMau5 show.  I'm still unmarried and childless, I may as well have some kinda bat-shit experience with this chick.





Robyn Lawley: more proof that i'm not that guy who only searches for little waifs, this 6'2" size 12 is a plus-sized model from down under who is known for being an over indulgent foodie.  I love food, and I love women, so this is a win-win.







Shirley Manson: the body is a little on the thin side, but the accent and the singing totally make up for that.  I want to find out if she eats haggis, real haggis, and if she can cook it.  Sadly, I foresee us having little or nothing to talk about after the first hour (maybe two hours, depending on how often her accent causes me to ask her to repeat herself).  but, i still want to see what's under the hood.




Shawnee Smith: One of two women on my list who's within a year of my age, and someone who's career I've watched for years.  I think the appeal is just that - she's my age, and she seems to have led an interesting life... if I only get that one date, I hope to hear all about it.  People with experience are the best people to have in your life... assuming they can share their experiences with you.  It helps when they're 42 and look awesome.

Tory Burch: Probably the most 'normal' in appearance from my group... which is somewhat fitting given what she does for a living.  Aside from the aesthetics, I appreciate a woman who is hands-on with giving back to society, and with that the opportunities she gives others.  She came from affluent parents but chose to go out and put a life & career together on her own, and she makes time for others.  What can I say?  Instead of being the image we all can see through, she's the real deal.  She's classy... not "I want society and my parents to think I am, so I'm going through the motions" transparent classy, but real classy.

Runners up: you seem awesome in some way, but there are some pretty significant red flags.

Dana Perino:  We see eye to eye on a lot of things politically, and she's the classic professional woman, and she loves her dogs.  BUT - have you seen how she deals with unimportant details in life?  She tweets about seeing pundits she disagrees with like its a soap opera and has gone on rants about other people choosing to smoke as if her children's life is in danger... makes me worry what other little tripwire issues are lurking in the corners of her mind.  Drama... and the worst kind of drama - the kind who says she hates it, while causing it all over.  Chill out Dana, you'll live longer.

Britney Spears:  This one speaks for it's self in both the good and bad.  Every guy wants to spend time with a gorgeous southern lady... no man wants to deal with women who yell or cry when their feelings are hurt (which for the few women who are criers  seems to happen often), but can you imagine being with a woman who gets upset... then decides to shave her head in public?

Taylor Swift: You're cute Taylor, and you fit that whole 'wholesome girl next door that sings' thing which seems to catch my attention.  But the last thing I want to be is the reason for your next angry girl hit song where you drag our drama out in public with only your point of view.  I have enough of that problem in my life now.  Women who claim to want privacy, then spill their side of relationship stories with only their side of the drama are just that... and... I'll pass.

Too Mature for FUNERALS and WAKES

i had two deaths in distant corners of my life recently, one was a 31 year old man who i liked a lot, but barely knew.  i was happy to know his family was surrounded by people they knew.

the other was the father of a man i've known since middle school, but really haven't seen in the last 15 years.  i hadn't seen him in 15 years - why go to that wake, right?

let's cover that - first, WHY go to funerals?  it's a party for a dead guy!  he's never going to know you were there, and if you didn't even know him, he's not going to care!

and WORSE - why go to a wake??  at least, at most funerals there's a mass, and you can sit in the back of the church with someone else you may know, be seen, but not actually have to interact with anyone. a wake actually requires you to talk to people, to be human, to act like you give a shit.

WAKES and FUNERALS are sad, they are boring, they are AWKWARD.  you get dressed up, you get there and run the risk of seeing someone who's bawling out tears - and WTF do you say to them??  

without fault, there's someone who you don't even know... in my case this was my friend's dad, so his mom would be there, and his siblings - i don't know these people at all, and they're going to be in any possible emotional state, right?

and then - of course - let's not forget that there's a DEAD BODY in the room!  GROSS!!  

why would i subject myself to that when i have an awesome dinner party to go to?  why would i go to a party for a dead guy when i could be at work closing the deal of the century?  why would i go deal with that awkward dress-up nightmare when i could be out having drinks with that group of friends who won't actually say what they think of my skipping it?

because i am IMPORTANT, and i have THINGS to do!  my time can't be wasted on dead people, because my plans with the living are much more important that someone who's... well, they're dead, and maybe i've had these plans for weeks.

(here's where my sarcasm mostly stops)

news flash important people... you're not that important.  and when you spend your time talking about all the plans you have, other people realize how UNimportant you are.  no matter what you might say to someone.

‎"your actions speak so loudly..... i can not hear your words."  -Emerson

as we get older, and wiser, and observant... we are going to face this more and more.  more and more, each of us has a chance to prove what kind of person we really are. 

when i was a child, i hated wakes and funerals and hospitals and old people.  besides being ugly and awkward and smelly and a number of other things that are unpleasant, they are a sign that we are all going to get old and die.  

even me, no matter how awesome i am.

and when i was a child, my mother made me go deal with all those things and i HATED it.  but she made me go, and in that i learned to grow up and deal.  

my mother used to make the point that my grandfather always made it to wakes and funerals.  he was a captain of industry (he actually was IMPORTANT), his funeral was attended by the governor of the state, the mayor and county executive, and said by the archbishop.  but when he was alive, he went to the wake and funeral of those who society barely noticed.  he made them all, he moved meetings, he rescheduled dinners, he would go late even to his own events.  

and WHY - because wakes and funerals aren't for dead people.  

when you don't go to that wake or funeral, you are telling the living that you had something more important than they were at their lowest.  you are telling the living that when they were in need, you had plans that you couldn't delay for an hour.  you are telling the living that when they felt most alone, your recliner was more comfortable than showing up for 10min and making sure they see you - you don't even have to talk to them as they are bawling, just seeing you there means something.

HERE IS WHAT YOU GET OUT OF GOING - nothing!

except maybe, those people will be there for you, when you're at your lowest, when you feel most alone.

so maybe your parents didn't do you the favor of teaching you how to deal with the unpleasant things in life that we all have to face eventually.  but, now you're chance to show how big a deal you really are... control your life enough to make it to wakes and funerals.

at the very least, do it because the people you know who went, will see how little you are if you don't.

and since many of us are parents now, don't be that parent who doesn't want to scar their kids.  unless you want your kids to be that moron who thinks death only exists in video games, and sees your eventual death as a payout.

more ego, less time

most of the people in my world are over 30... most are probably over 35, or even closer to 40... and somehow as we are more 'grown up' it's surprising how much ego plays more and more into life.

it surprises me the way men feel they need to be a big deal, the same way they did when they were teenagers instead using money as their sign of achievement.  and more the way women seem to have a new movement of 'pride' while their pretty is wasting away.

but why people?  why the hangups?  why are we all so increasingly insecure??

i felt a little embarrassed over this past weekend when i noticed something i had done which was something i'm not very proud of.  i'm obviously not going to mention it here, but it is very basic non-social, non-medical, non-public mistake that happens probably a million times a year... and from that i will learn to do it differently, and do it better, and move on.  i'm not going to be hung up about it, i'm going to grow from it.

this past week i've been cooking for myself.  i made it a week with no soda, no fast food, no bad stuff.  because realized i looked like hell.  i wasn't going to make sad excuses about how i 'cant get by without wine' or 'need to be able to spend time with the guys'... because really, i know people who have great lives that dont eat poorly or even drink - why couldn't i?   because i've been wanting to do it since the new year, and i just hadn't done it - - and time was ticking away.

time...

then this week, i got trapped into an online discussion with someone i knew 20 years ago and really hadn't seen since.  for the last few months he had been rambling online about events from 20 years ago, even stating that they happened 20 years ago... then lathered it all up with a fair amount of fantasy.

i had been letting this go, because why should i care?  everyone knows the guy is a nut... and really, he had actually blocked me from seeing these rants, so why bother attempting to act on what people were telling me about?

finally, people said things were getting rather bold.  so i decided to go out of my way to look, and he was operating two separate Facebook pages.  i only knew about one, and had been blocked from it for some time.  apparently there was reason to put up a second page... the primary page was riddled with commentary that fairly well explained why i was hearing so much about the page.  the second page was apparently a backup pulpit for his periodic suspensions from the system.  it was all kinda sad.

he made some angry posts about me on his second page, that i wasn't blocked from, so i made some peaceful and positive posts in an attempt to apologize for whatever he was angry about, and wish him well.  it ended up being a waste of time.

why does he care?  why care about all the little details?  care about your parents, care about your friends, care about experiencing life... we're almost at the halfway point in life - people we know are dying of cancer, people we know have teenage kids.  let go people, if you got fat, take the stairs because a Porsche isn't going to redeem your flaws and its not going to make you happy like a walk with someone you know will.  let go people, if you're not happy with how you feel when you compare yourself to other women you know, stop lying to yourself about what you think is acceptable and make up the difference - or even better, ask yourself WHY YOU CARE.

the guy who's carrying his issues online was a great athlete when he was young, and appears to still be in great shape.  he's got some new hobbies now, seems to have a new crew of friends - why waste life focusing on the unhappy?  why not make peace with life, them, and yourself, and move forward?

tick tock goes the clock, who wants to waste their time home alone and faking their happiness?

bang bang, shake shake, we're dead

i have a crazy arsenal of weapons in my home... i call it crazy because there's no need for me to have them, and they can be used for some pretty epic destruction.

but, so can my car.

in fact, if you think about it, gasoline only has one purpose - to burn.  be it a slow burn or the explosions found in the cylinders of engine, the only real purpose for gas is destructive.

we just know how to behave around it.  we know not to smoke at gas pumps, we know not to pour gas on a fire (or, at least we should know better).  and for that rare oddball who uses gas to start a fire around the idea of hurting others, we blame the crazy arsonist.

we as a nation suffered a tragedy on July 20th, 2012.  the alleged actions of James Holmes are nothing short of horrific.  from here the media will milk every bit of drama from it, using big words and pictures and even lies to strike fear into our hearts because it makes them money.

subsequently, we as a nation are again victims, of hype and fear... and a media who is trying to keep us 'informed'.

don't be fooled by it.  the media does what it does to keep your attention - because it makes them money.  just like any dramatic person and their spin on life, they want attention.  sure, the media may have a political agenda, but their first job is money and from drama they make it.

drama.... and what is drama?  drama is an action that tries to invoke reaction, or the following reaction from said action.  we've all seen it from men who try to be a big deal and women who spin their lives into something it's really not.  big talkers, with their big problems.  drama is the reason why a 'secret admirer' is now a 'stalker'.  drama when combined with ego is why men blow their fortunes trying to impress women, then other men with all the attention they get from women.  drama.

and usually, it's the most dramatic people who claim to least enjoy it... but then they use excuses to stick with it.  when the truth is, you don't have to spend time with your family or friends who cause it.  doesn't mean you don't love each other any less... but you don't need the drama... walk away....

...and do it without telling anyone.  it's when you tell people about problems, that you are the source of the drama.

just like the media - the media is going to tell us all about the horrific nightmare that the 100+ people in that theater experienced.  and it was horror.  not fake Jason Vorhees, but real life.

and now we know, we don't need to rehash it over and over and over and over.

the man was crazy, he was a rare occurrence like an earthquake.  some will argue that removing guns from the world will stop men like him.  this argument is similar to saying that if we don't let anyone live in california then no one will die from earthquakes.

i'm not writing today to debate gun control, i'm really trying to make the point that we are all becoming victims of hype.

i'd like to think we're all smart enough to know that life will not run perfectly.  someone you know will get sick, someone you know will be in a car accident, someone you know will have a fire... and eventually, we are all going to die.

yes, it's important to live safely and happily.  and you should do what you feel is best to keep yourself and those you love safe and happy.

but just as the odds are small my car is going to explode from the gas in it, the odds are even less that any of the 250 million gun owners are going to go mass-murderer, and the odds are probably higher that you'll die in an earthquake living in california.

most of the gun owners i know don't even see their guns, mine have been in a basement storage locker for years, and really they're just an example of money wasted as a youth.  boys will be boys, sometimes we like to go out and shred up a tree with bullets and call it 'target practice'.  we do it with big guns so we can feel like some kind of superhero, just like girls dress up and play princess.  but the vast majority of men grow up to know that guns are a tool, like a hammer, like a stapler, and they respect them or just let them it.

and, i think we all know that while most women like to dress up, it's the rare few who will leave the house wearing a gown and a tiara.

life will be back to normal soon, and time mends all wounds.  we should not forget what happened, but we should not let ourselves fall victim to the horror he caused.  let's not give the 'joker' the satisfaction of impacting our lives.

About Chuck...

dear ndugu...

so here's the short and skinny since many many MANY have asked:  i have NO idea why Chuck is so angry.  no, i can't explain most of what he says about any of my friends or myself... i can give you some ideas we all have, but no, i don't really think any of it can actually be explained.

recently, a friend of mine and were discussing problems with his brother and sister and their need to fit into a mold, to follow and image, to be certain places and with certain people.  in the end, we just had to ask - WHY DO YOU CARE?  sure, if it will improve your life in some fashion, be at places and with people... but... more often than not, the reason, are empty.

the same applies here.

i cannot explain why chuck thinks i didn't go to SLU, while i went to many schools, SLU was one of them.  this was 20 years ago, i know this because i was at SLU when i hit 21 and went & got my plunger from Humphries... alone i might add, there was a party at my fraternity house that night, and everyone was busy getting ready, so i went alone.

the fraternity is important to chuck, he rambles regularly about it.  i don't know why he didn't go to a school with a Phi Delta Theta chapter and pledge, but he did not.  he claims he was around the house all the time when i was a pledge, and i dont remember that to be true... but after all, this was TWENTY years ago, so i may just not remember, because - who cares??

he seems to want to discuss my fraternity life often, i don't know why my past is important to him - but it's not just my past, it's Chris' past as well.  Chris not only went to SLU, but he graduated from there (i did not).  Chris' girlfriend at the time was a woman named Kajsa... Chuck claims he was in love with her.  except for running into her at a concert two years ago, I havent seen her in close to 20 years, but to the best of my knowledge she still lives near Delmar & 170 - go get her Chuck.

Chris was not there to 'shoot up' Chuck's car, it was 3 other guys, and they were shooting at Chuck at a stop light where he stopped in a well rusted old truck with PAINTBALLS.  at the time, we were all friends of Chuck's and one of the guys in the van shooting at him had even dated Chuck's sister.  it was supposed to be a humourous prank.

there was a time when i went to mass every morning, and i'd actually like to start doing so again as it's a good way for me to stay on a schedule.  often at mass there were a lot of soccer moms who seemed to work very hard on keeping up their appearance, and i commented online about them.  i do not go to 5 masses a day to pick up women with kids, and of course i'm not doing it so i can get at their kids.  kids are great for those who have them.  maybe some day i'll love my own kids, but generally, i dont like being around kids.  this is really common knowledge amongst my friends, i have no idea where Chuck pulled this from.

i'm not going to release my medical and criminal records to Chuck.  i know he demanded them online one day as part of his 'full disclosure' rant.  missouri's court records are available online anyway, and i'm not sure what my history of allergies and a broken leg is going to do to help Chuck prove all the travesties he's suffered through in life.

i have agreed to show any records to a reporter from the Ladue News or the Riverfront Times... because Chuck one day demanded we take the story of his persecution to a public forum and suggested those newspapers.  on some level i'm surprised he didn't at least go for the Post or STLToday.com, or at least a Suburban Journal or some kind of newspaper that wasn't all society pics and concert reviews.  but, whatever - if Chuck can somehow convince any newspaper to come interview me about all my crimes as a college party animal, i'll be more than happy to take the interview and show them whatever they want to see.

lately he's also made some rants about a guy we all knew in high school who's a respected St. Louis County cop.  he went to college, met a beautiful lady, they adopted a son, he's one of the best all-american guys we know.  Chuck contacted him to tell him that he goes to raves in the city and that he wanted to do an undercover buy to help him catch the drug dealers at the raves.  i consider the idea to be respectable on some level, but Chuck isn't a cop... and the raves, weren't in St. Louis County.  our cop friend told him he wasn't interested, for these reasons.  subsequently Chuck felt rejected - and began to rant online about how our friend must be a dirty cop.  no, he's not a dirty cop.

most posts from Chuck involve and original post and then follow up comments by him.  many have asked me who he's talking to in his replies.  it is what it is... he's talking to himself.

i actually hope the best for Chuck, i'm sure he doesn't believe that, but i do.  i see plenty of pictures of him and women, they seem to be in their early 20's and generally attractive.  hopefully since none of us know them, he will either prove it was us that ruined his life with women or prove that it is him.  either way, i hope it is a path to happiness for him.

the general consensus amongst many is that Chuck is getting to 40 and he is alone, and unhappy about the lost love he never had.  i can understand loving someone without the relationship... i cannot understand how he hasn't let it go 20 years later - but, his love wasn't lost because of us.  his love was lost because she was with someone else, and when she wasn't with anyone else she didn't find Chuck to be someone she was interested in.  if she did, she would have responded Chuck - love would have found a way.

Chuck seems to believe that he is 40 and single because my friends and I ruined his reputation with women.  actually, Chuck isn't a big topic of discussion for us... really we haven't talked about him at all until recently when his ramblings appeared online.  i'm not going to waste my time mentioning any of Chuck's actions from the past, they are readily available from anyone who wants to waste their time talking about it, or with a search through the state court records.  i will simply say that no one can ruin the image of a person who chooses to live a normal life.

and Chuck, if you every find this and read it... allow me to say again that i'm sorry you're so angry about the past, but i encourage you strongly to instead work toward the future.  work toward happiness, instead of focusing on the unhappy.  after all, if all these people caused you unhappiness in the past, why waste your time on them?  why care about them?  wish them well, and move on to a better life.

I am Jack's blog, without me the public wouldn't be enlightened.

If you know me personally, you would have noticed that a short time ago my posts to my personal Facebook page have been reduced to quotes about the various parts of Jack.

An homage to the great life lesson that was Fight Club, I am attempting to use to to curb my obsession with online interaction - and really, a way to get myself out of the house for the summer.  Many people, possibly most people, post little to nothing on their Facebook pages, and even less via Twitter.

I was stuck, and my life (like yours) was ending... one minute at a time.

It wouldn't be hard to argue that most people don't have much to say, or aren't creative enough to say it.  Not that it requires a vast experience in creative writing, but the reality is that most people fear the judgement of others so much, that they limit what they say or who can see it.

The slightly better but somehow more annoying variant being the person who's posts seem to focus on their never ending rise above drama, or memes & E-cards about wine and their friends and their kids that are hellions but somehow make them great parents.  Whatever, the world wouldn't be entertaining without the vastly confused.

I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake, neither are you.

So anyway - for the first time in... well, years, I turned off my home computers for a few days, I shut off the online gaming accounts, and I restructured my online presence a little in an effort to not spend my days at my desk watching the few of my 800 friends post, and doing my best to ignore all the posts from people who have to use info-graphics to attempt to be awesome.

If only to make myself leave my office and get into the living room I've basically ignored for the last 12 years - but really more to get myself outside, doing something.  Working on my back yard, going out for a drive in the old CJ, seeing my parents, getting some faceTIME with my nieces.  And more importantly, I started to give things away... a washer and dryer to a young man in his 20s who was barely into his career... an old mainframe computers to a man who could use it to improve his business... clothes I never wear to Catholic Charities and so on.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

I'm doing all this, again, to try and be more social.  It's seems that life starts with people being young and free... able to take a road trip and sleep in their cars and skip meals and not shower and live to experience.  Now we have to fly, and stay in nice hotels, eat fatty foods and live by standards we learned from others.  But yet, I want to be social, so I will accept this with socializing.

The drawback - social people eat like shit.  Not that I was much better sitting at home, but it seems that people can't interact with each other without a gallon of booze, some soda to mix it with, and some kinda high carb/high fat finger foods to fight off what is actually the body telling you that you're thirsty.

I don't know if it's a circle or boredom and bad habits, but I'm again trying to break it... I haven't been able to solidly do so in the past.  Sure, a week, a month, a few months at one point; but it seems that I keep getting sucked back into things that are unhealthy for me and make me look like crap.

In a catastrophic emergency you start taking deep breaths, you become euphoric, you accept your fate.

Exercise is needed, while many say things are fine, the reality is that I look like shit.  I will need to get my heart rate up - so I'm hoping to exercise more with this.  Away from my desk... unfortunately the weather is getting hotter, but I still have the gym.  I should probably be there instead of writing this blog - but I actually have work to do at the computer I finally turned back on, work that has me waiting for the computer to finish doing things, so I'm writing this for tomorrow's post.


Deep breaths, I can't lie, not being wired into the world of everyone else all the time is difficult.  Email, and social networking are addictive, they allow us to experience the lives of others and feel attached to those we want to be attached to while sitting anywhere.  The bonus is that I have my phone and Twitter and my 'Actor' page so give me some ability to reach out.  Twitter limits everything to 140 characters, and the professional pages are limited in that it can't have 'friends' or check in to locations.  

This is only the beginning, eventually, it will move out of the basement...

things you may not know you have with Google

a lot of people out there are being forced to get a Google account (usually @gmail.com) because of their use of Android based devices.  however, i've been realizing lately that most people have no idea all the various options available to you with a Google account.... so i thought i'd mention a few i use regularly.

it's more than searching the web and getting email, and i highly recommend people check out the services available, and make use of them no matter where you get your email, or what kind of phone you have.

first: email.  most people think of Google email as being email@gmail.com.  but if you own your own domain (like my axxiscorp.com) you can move it's mail services to Google Apps - and do this for FREE for up to 10 users.  even the regular version @gmail has proven to be the most powerful of all the various options and i recommend everyone have one if only as a backup.

with any account comes contact management, everyone should make sure to use this.  with this enabled on your phone, you could lose your phone every week, and never lose a contact.  also, your contacts would be available to you from any computer via the web as well as sync to your Linux and Mac address books.  this would be considered use of the Google 'cloud'.

like contacts, each Google account comes with its own calendar system.  you can create multiple calendars, and share those calendars with other people.  and like the contacts, these calendars are accessible from any computer via the web and will sync to Outlook, Linux, and Apple's iCal.

so - that's the basics, Mail, Contacts, and Calendars.  if you're using an iPhone, make sure to search for the instructions on how to set up your Google account as an EXCHANGE account to make use of this system properly on the iPhone.  this way, your contacts are backed up properly.

from there - Google Books.  a lot of people don't know that Google has been creating a digital archive of books literally by the truckload, and subsequently books are available from Google.  with that, the Google Books reader is available for iPod, iPad, iPhone, and all versions of Android.  http://books.google.com

then when you go to write your own book, a full word processor is available from Google.  actually an entire office suite including a spreadsheet, basic graphics editor, and presentation creator is available via the web and Android app.  everything you create is saved to the Google cloud so accessible from anywhere in the world - BUT - there is some really odd fine print to the EULA that you agree to when you use the system, so don't put anything top secret or super valuable on there.  http://docs.google.com

after documents, there's pictures.  the Google system provides Picasa as a competitor to the Apple iPhoto application, which then stores your pictures online via Picasaweb.  this allows you to store your pictures in albums, on the Google servers.  IMPORTANT THOUGHT:  store your pictures on Picasa, then never have to worry about making sure you have your pictures safely backed up.  the Picasa system comes with 7gb of space at no cost, and can be expanded at little cost.  also, each album you create can have it's own security settings that allow you to share your pictures online, or keep them to yourself.

Google made a run at competing with Facebook with it's Google+ system last year.  the service is not doing well in it's fight, but it's mobile app has an awesome feature called Instant Upload.  with the app, every picture you take with an Android based phone is instantly stored online, making it so you would theoretically never lose a picture.  the iPhone app will upload your pictures as well, but you may start the process by periodically running the app.  i use this system in tandem with Apple's PhotoStream, because the PhotoStream only holds photos for 30 days or 1000 pictures, where the Google+ system places my photos into a secured photo in the Picasa system.

mobile users of any kind should also check out Google Latitude.  the Latitude system is a location service that sends your location to the Google servers and then lets the users you approve see your location at any time.  in my family we use it with teenagers, and i have some friends who will use it with their spouses simply to know when its a good time to call.  the system is completely secure, and depends on granting permission to each person you add to your list, which can be limited in many ways for any of you paranoid about being caught in places you shouldn't be.  and unlike Apple's 'Find My Friends', the system doesn't require you to constantly log in, or like with marketing based systems like 'FourSquare', you don't have to check in places for it to work.  and unlike most 'Family' systems, it's free.  i just think its cool to see all your friends and what they're up to worldwide in real time.

when you're back home, and you realize that you've got something to share, Google provides the Blogger system - which is actually how you're reading this now.  a BLOG?  most people think a blog is for newscasters and info sources, but that's not the case.  anyone can use a blog for many purposes, i recently saw a blog run by a woman who posted about her life so her serviceman husband overseas could read up on what she was up to.  many people have their passions, from hobbies to politics to random ramblings like mine, a blog can be a place to send a message, serve a purpose, communicate, market yourself, or simply flush out your head, and Google provides a blog server that can host as many blogs as you'd like to work on.

after you write your blog, make sure you get it on tape, then put it on YouTube.  yes, YouTube is part of Google.  i know very little about video blogs, but, everyone knows YouTube, so i'm putting that out there.

and of course, then there's Google Sites.  with Sites, Google allows people who need a website to create one based on their design system which is packed with an amazing amount of templates.  within the Google Sites system, you can feed your blog from Blogger, your YouTube videos, your Picasa pictures, and so on.

and, as I stated earlier, all of these systems are available to businesses via the Google Apps system.

i would highly recommend everyone check these systems out - set up your schedule on Google calendar, learn how to store your photos online, and add me on Latitude to see where I'm running around.  all these services are free to use, and give the every day user a system equally as powerful as large corporate networks that when properly configured can be used on any computers and will move with you from phone to phone as you grow and times change.

How We Spent Your Money

skip down to the 'BLAH BLAH' part if you aren't interested in the numbers...



as of my writing this, there are 313,547,622 million people that are citizens of the United States - according to the US Census Bureau : shown here

as of my writing this, there are just over 2,100,905 people employed by the United States government (federal) - according to FedScope, a website managed by the US Office of Personnel Management : shown here

the average Federal employee earns $76, 231, also according to the Office of Personnel Management : shown here

which means: on average, we spend $160,154,089,055 a year on salaries for our hired federal employees every year.  That's $160 Billion, and doesn't include contract workers... which is an important thing to notice.

in business school we learned that it generally costs an employers twice an employee's salary to have them.  half for their salary, the other half for things like insurance, pension matching, office space, paper, pens, gas, keeping the lights on, and so on.  so let's factor that in.

now we are spending $320,308,178,110 per year before they do any work.

WAIT - they are working for us, but they produce... well, they produce government.  and there is ZERO profit margin in government.  the government doesn't make us any more, it only costs us money.  it's needed to keep the roads paved and the prisons running, but at no point is there a cash return on investment.

one would think that we the people would want to spend as little as possible on this - we want to get the job done well, but we don't want to spend any more than we have to, because every penny spent is just gone.  we have to eat food, but we don't just fire out large amounts of money on food everywhere, because all it does is keep us alive.  sure, sometimes its nice to eat fancy, and we always want to eat well, but we're not always going to pay for a steak dinner when on the average day we just want a sandwich... right?

in 2010 the federal government took in roughly 2,500,000,000,000 ($2.5 trillion), and over 1% was spent on the people we employed to spend it.  so then they went to work: and work they did, spending $3.5 trillion according to the White House, and reported by the Washington Post shown here.

that was NOT a typo.  we spend more than 1% of our federal tax dollars paying people to spend 140% of what we gave them to spend.  and here's the REAL kicker, they spent $251 billion alone on interest on the debt we created doing this over and over every year.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

if you're reading this, you probably think you're informed.  well, the actual numbers are above, stated by public record and verified by what is considered to be a liberal newspaper that backs the current elected party of power in 2012.

the facts are simple: we have created a government that lives to validate itself.  it spends, and then it supports itself by spending more.

CHANGE - the current president was elected to bring 'change', but his change was focused on social change, change that would make everyone feel good about life.

life, is not good.  it's just not good for us if the government that represents us is spending 140% of it's income every year.  that is plain an simple math.  it's the government's job to maintain the services we all use: roads, schools, prisons, fire departments, and so on.  these services we all need, just like we need to eat... but let's face reality here people; the fattening of our nation is proof we don't eat well.  why should we spend a fortune on our government when we don't even spend it on ourselves?

put your annual income into a calculator, then multiply it times 1.4 - then imagine paying an account to tell you to spend that much every year and have nothing to show for it.  you can rent cars and houses, but you can't save anything with that money - that's what we are doing.

AND we have built a machine that costs us $320 Billion a year to do it.

we are seeing more arguments over a man's right to have sex with another man than we are this issue in the news today!  WHO CARES what two men or two women do in the privacy of their own home??

as of the writing of this, the state of California found itself $16 Billion over budget for this year - everyone running in a panic worried about their part of the government losing their funding.  GOOD - it's about time people start to figure out the mess we are in.

PAY ATTENTION HERE - THIS IS THE ROOT OF MY MESSAGE:
you cannot govern morality, and you cannot provide a lifestyle with government - the government can't tell anyone how to live, and you can't even things out for those who are at a disadvantage.

if you want to make a drug illegal, you can do that, but it's not going to make a stoner any less a stoner.  and telling the gay person they can't be married doesn't make them any less gay.

subsequently, paying for the poor doesn't make them any less poor, and paying for the uninsured doesn't make them any more insured.

and paying for more government doesn't make it do a better job.

we can argue the angles of trying to make these theories work, but in the long term there is only epic cost and probable failure.  and in trying to do so we have created a bloated government that sits around looking for reasons to justify itself.

you want to see change?  thin the heard - let's clear out the government and let them fight like the rest of us.  focus the government on civil rights laws, enact term limits on all non-military federal employees above $50,000 per year, let each state decide what it wants to spend on schools and prisons, and only spend federal money promoting the idea that we should choose to take care of each other, instead of expecting the federal government to do it for us.

the idea that we can force everyone to take care of each other is nice... but it's not reality.  there will always be that group of self-righteous dicks that think they are alone and only need to keep their kids fat and their trophy wife thin, and you can't force them to really care about others.

you just can't, its a fact.  you cannot force someone to care by enacting tax laws and loopholes.

and you cannot make a government work by spending more than it has or trying to force people via taxes to pay for things they don't care about.

let it go.  taxing people more so that we can spend right will only cause this nightmare to increase, because your 'right' is 'wrong' to someone else.

we as a nation need to focus on reality: the reality is that we have to take care of each other.  we have to do it, not the government.

women don't see how i see

WOMEN - last night a few female friends of mine commented first on how awesome my hair looked - then lambasted me for my posts online, commenting that I'm some kinda dick when it comes to my opinions on women and their appearance.  Well yes, if I have things I like in a woman's looks, then yes, I'm a dick.

But, it's important for all of you to know that any man's choices in aesthetics, are only as important as his choice in favorite baseball team.  Society and Barbie and Pepsi may have sold you on what beauty is, and may have even been as wrong as to tell you that people like you less for it - but that is wrong, and it is far from everything that makes a woman beautiful.

So, if I have offended you with my comments on aesthetics, let me take this time to tell what beauty is:

BEAUTY is found in my mother, in the way she loves the innocence in babies, and still sees me as one no matter how old I get.  Beauty is found in the way Meg works all day from her corner office at the bank, then comes home to take care of her husband and her son (knowing both sat around at home all day).  Beauty is in the way Stasia is busy with all kinds of jobs and still makes time for her work for food and environment - and to make it to every one of her boyfriend's shows.  Beauty is in the way Ali and Mallarie and Kiki put themselves together every day to work for a charity, then on days when they are closed they bring in women rebuilding their lives so those women can get new outfits for free.  Beauty is in the way Meredith will be home alone with 3 kids sometimes for weeks while her husband is literally half a world away working.  Beauty is the way Laura rallied countless people to gather clothes and supplies for her student and his family when their house burned to the ground.

Beauty is in how all of these women do these things because it's the right thing to do, expecting no recognition, and expecting nothing in return.  Beauty is in how they offer, in how they ask to give, in how they think for others.  Beauty is in how they carry themselves with a smile in the face of life's bumps.

Beauty is in the way Alex writes her blog and Lisa hates clowns and Suzy lives by the code she pushes on others.  Beauty is in the way Eleanor plays music, it's in Jessie's flair for design, and the way Caroline lived in New York and Chicago and still stays true to the Blues and the Cardinals.

Beauty isn't perfect, it's in the way that Wendy still hasn't found time to take down her Christmas tree with St. Patricks day 2 weeks away, it's in the way Auby shows up to bars in scrubs after spending all day with patients, it's in the way Mary seems to be on a mission to destroy her computer by 'accident'.

Beauty is quiet, it knows it's there, it doesn't need to be validated and knows it's alive when it reflects in all of your perfect smiles you women so often find imperfect.  It's there in all the women I mention here and all those who are reading this just to see if I mentioned them, the women who lurk, the women who never post, the women who are so worried their thoughts will condemn them... they should let it out and shine.

Beauty is in the way women love on puppies but know they can't take them home.  Beauty is in the moms who don't need to tell everyone how great their kids are, because they already know.  Beauty is in the wives and girlfriends who tolerate the way we men have no idea how gross we are.  Beauty is in the women who go out of their way to ask about others when they are sick, or do things for them, or to visit those who can't get out no matter how boring it is.

Beauty is in the women who know how to let a guy down without hurting his ego.  Beauty is in the women who can handle life without making an emotional ordeal out of things.  Beauty is in women who can express themselves but don't force their thoughts on others.  Beauty is in women who don't need control because they understand the lack of control that life really gives us.  Beauty is the women who deal with their siblings and friends and their stupid crap with a smile because they love them.  Beauty is in the women who know when it's time to let someone go in life, but never treat them like they're dead.  Beauty is in the women who know all they are and don't need to tell anyone else to feel better about it.

Beauty is in honesty with herself and with others.  Beauty knows how to delivery unpleasant news, tell people how she feels and why, and do it with a smile because it's the right way to handle things. Beauty is in the women who can tell how life is - and accept hearing it - like it is... and still spread happiness.  Beauty is in the way you face reality and improve instead of hide.

I'm forced to wonder, what do women think about the men who feel like they have to have the fast trendy car or the slick expensive suit or run around flashing a big watch and a lot of cash. Beauty has nothing to do your outfit or your body or your makeup.  With that, how many times have I heard from women that a guy whose always working on his body and is flashy is probably a huge dick, and waiting for his moment to prove so?  That street goes both ways.

And ladies - eventually... we're all alone with someone, even if it's just with ourselves.  Eventually we are all naked with someone.  Eventually someone knows us for who we are with nothing in our hands, nothing to bring out a certain color, nothing to make the lighting perfect.  Eventually, if we're lucky, someone knows us only for what we have to say, and how we feel when life doesn't make sense, and who we are with no one else around... and they like us anyway.  That's your beauty.

Relax, stop caring about what others think - if you want to look like a supermodel do it for yourself.  In the end, it shouldn't matter.  If you can't be naked in front of someone physically AND mentally - you're going to miss out on a lot, possibly multiple a lots.  Relax, and see how beautiful each of you are.

And it's that moment, when you are all truly beautiful.  Because no matter what Facebook Richard says to encourage eye candy for himself.... no matter what Blog Richard says when he's annoyed with the games some women play when they don't see the beauty in themselves.... no matter what Drunk Richard says picking up random chicks with daddy issues... beauty is found IN you, in what you do with your time, in what you do for others, in how you believe in yourself, and in how you impact the world.

Every woman I have known has beauty in her, and any woman I've spent any amount of time with probably has beauty she may not even realize... sadly, I can't tell you all the beauty I see in each of you without seeming creepy - but I wouldn't go out of my way to be in your life in any way, if I didn't think you were beautiful.

STOP being annoyed by what others think.  On some level, doesn't it suck that I can't just tell women about all the beauty I see in them?  Isn't it terrible that fairy tales can only play out in movies because the only men who can tell you how beautiful you are are gay or the ones you've been dating for a while?  A man can no longer tell a woman how great she is without some big dramatic result.

I've often been scoffed at for the women from my past, the bimbos, the ones who barely had names.  And its true, I had my years of childish shallow short-sighted views.  But as it is, I see what beauty is.  Not everyone is going to find another person attractive, not everyone is going to be a match on the inside either.  But that doesn't mean the beauty isn't there.

None of us are perfect ladies, we all make mistakes, we all have regrets, we all have the choice to admit our mistakes and accept ourselves for who we are with a smile.  And eventually everyone - EVEN RICHARD - will get old and ugly on the outside.  That's how life works.  All we can do is be beautiful, because probably, hopefully, that's what people will see in the end.

So sure, it's completely possible that you will see me out having dinner with a thin scantily clad woman who's enjoying a bowl of hot water with a chicken bone in it and a side of salted ice cubes while complaining about how full she is.  Sadly, that may be all I have left.

But realize that if you see me with her more than once, she has some kind of beauty in her somewhere.  I can't help what I'm attracted to that opens the door, I can only control how long they stay.

And ladies, if for a second you question your beauty - never forget that it comes from the inside...  and really, on the inside, Richard sees it too.

hi, you don't make sense, again

again, i'm talking about women...

(and later i include men too)

today i was talking to a woman i dont see very often as she lives out of town, and i made a comment about my probably not getting to her city any time soon, but if i do we'll have to go out and 'let me show off my LA beauty'.

in hind sight, i guess this could be interpreted a lot of ways, but her response was an instant, "my boyfriend is probably going to have a problem with that, maybe we can do lunch".  and, i kinda got the feeling the idea offended her in some way... or like she thought i was making some kind of insinuation like 'i may never get there, but if i do, we are gonna hook up'.

ugh... or maybe she just really wants people to know she has a boyfriend, but i dont see how that's the case because she's one of the most beautiful women i know.  at least i hope that's not it.

but it got me thinking about people who get into the possessiveness and displays and promotion of relationships.  people who need others to know they have someone, people who have to promote their value to others by showing them how taken they are.

its people like this who are jealous and emotional... and usually a little unstable when it comes to it all because they can't simply believe in themselves and their relationship enough.

i don't think my out of town friend is like this, she's had plenty of drama in her life in the past and has mentioned many times her frustration with men & drama.  she probably just thinks i'm typical male, and is tired of dealing with a lot of the egomaniac male assholes in our industry.

but other women, the women who want everyone to know she has a guy, and how perfect they are, and then when together hang on them...

WAIT - ya know, i'm not going to blame just women here, because i'm sure there are men like this too.  there is a male version of this, some kind of overly protective jealous guy who thinks his lady deserves respect when she shows up in a bar dressed like a hooker and acting like a fool.

shouldn't a lot of this have been left in high school?

most of us are around 40, haven't we lost our need to validate ourselves with attention and relationships?  isn't fawning over each other best kept at home?

and WHAT THE FUCK is up with these people, these couples, who share a Facebook account?

yeah... ok - no one take my word for it, ask someone else.  go out and find someone stable and responsible and ask them what they think of men who are old enough to drink and are still getting in fights over women - or women who feel they have to promote their relationships by telling everyone about the details or hanging on them like cheap suits.  and ask how it compares to normal down to earth relationships between people who don't have any relationship drama, because they are confident enough to appear alone but know they are special to someone... especially themselves.

the craft of not crafting

when it got cold, a friend of mine sucked me back into 'the game', a video game we play online... it has again proven itself to be a dreary malaise of time passing.

life's an interesting thing.  i love my freedom... i am left with so many open days to do anything.  but without something paying me on enough of those days, i can't do anything on the days when i'm free.

today i went to a friend of mine's store and changed the light bulbs that were burnt out, and i did it because i wanted something to do, and i like to be involved in things with friends.  i miss working with friends...

there are people in my life who often complain about how busy they are, which is entertaining on some level because more often than not, they are 'busy' with random things they are choosing to do to keep busy.  really, they aren't working, they aren't dealing with pressing family issues... they apparently feel the need to look busy and tell everyone this.

you never hear Donald Trump talk about how busy he is during interviews, and i know some wealthy and powerful people... i never hear them talk about how busy they are either.  they may talk about their day, but you never hear about how busy they are.  the only people i hear it from are the people who really don't have anything to do.

lately, i've been like them... but i've been filling it with 'the game' - and i'm horrifically bored.  the only bonus is that i have some kind of a social circle there, friends i've made over time who i enjoy in person but really only see them in the game.  they all recently came back to the game, some recently quit as well... one giving the reasons of lost time and a recent move, the other without explanation.  we assume the second is doing it for his kids.

so now, i need to get out of this winter funk, and get more to do - hopefully more with a paycheck.

12 things happy people do... and my thoughts

i found this online, again the meat of this is not an original - but, i think there's something important in first being honest with yourself when you review this.

you can't do ANY of this without being HONEST with yourself and others...  if you're not really thankful, no matter how much you say it, people can tell.  if you're secretly depressed or angry, your optimism isn't going to show... and if you are secret paranoid & insecure about your position in life, and what people think of you... well, you see where im going.

so as you read this, ask yourself if you're ready to try this things true, you may be robbing yourself of the happiness it can provide.

1. Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value.  Kinda cool right?  So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness.  And that’s without having to go out and buy anything.  It makes sense.  We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.
   
2. Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism.  No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it.  She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life.  People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
   
3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous.  If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority.  Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out!  If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made.  What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place.  If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.
   
4. Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain.  (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.)  Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside.  What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness.  How extraordinary is that?  Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on.  A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin.  Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.
   
5. Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.  Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely?  WHOA!  There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with.  We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.
   
6. Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character.  Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable.  Forrest Gump knows the deal.  It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan.  It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.
   
7. Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being.  You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion.  When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system.  You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.
   
8. Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still.  It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task.  Action and awareness are merged.  You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional.  You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing.  Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.
   
9. Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy.  It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences.  When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic.  It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.
   
10. Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force.  Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere.  When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing.  Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.
    
11. Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us.  We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever.  It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists.  Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.”
    
12. Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be.  If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected.  Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft?  Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.

the last one is the hardest for me on a daily level... #10 is the hardest for me on the long term.

but this is my example of the thing they missed:

NUMBER 13: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS.

 

30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself in 2012

I have seen this on a few other blogs... it's genius and true.  #3 is something just about every person i know does, i know i do it, and i want to break myself of it.  The rest really apply to everyone as well, even if it's only on a small level.  


If you're too ego-maniac or insecure to think you don't need the list below, you have bigger problems than fixing these 30 things first.  


1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.– The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done .
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.