Fatitude and FourSquare

some time ago, a group of my friends got into the FourSquare thing.  FourSquare is a geosocial system where users use the GPS on their phones to 'check-in' to various locations: when they get somewhere, they open an app on their phone and it verifies where they are and they broadcast that to their friends and if they want, to the world.

i can't lie - it was fun... the system rewards you for checking in to places more than anyone else with a 'mayorship' and for checking into certain types of places with various badges... and with my friends, the competition was ON!

over time, it became a little tedious, and partially this is because of my laziness.  others who were out more rapidly gained more mayorships and so on, and it got to the point where 2 other guys i knew and i once spent a night driving around checking in to places just to help toward badges.  this, is a little sad.

after FourSquare came Latitude, a product from Google that is included on all Android based phones and easily added to iPhones.  it automatically detects when you change locations and updates your location on the Google system.  i love it, because it takes zero effort on my part, and if any of my friends want to see where i am they can sign up for Google and ask to be on my approved list, and then they can see where i am at any time.

i'm not shady, and i have nothing to hide, so Latitude is perfect for me.  Latitude doesn't publicly display where you are, there's really no way for any stalkers or psychos to use it to track your location unless you approve their ability to do so... in that, it is safe.  knowing this, when i hear people claim they won't use Latitude i start to question them.  it makes me wonder what late night outing with a side lover or trip to the gay bar is going on.

last night, these issues came up in conversation.  a group of friends were out, and someone we all knew was broadcasting where he was at length via FourSquare, sometimes with comment, but could not be found via the Latitude account he had disabled.  now, he looked desperate for attention.

now it was an issue of control, the double dip of geosocial neediness.  'i want to show you that i control you seeing where i am, probably because i have already made myself look bad and i dont want everyone to see me validate that, but in an effort to look like im out having fun in other ways, here is my controlled feed to the world'.

ok, now you've taken the fun out of it all dude.  you have subconsciously made it obvious that you want attention by acting like you want no one to see where you are, then blubbering multiple locations and commentary online as if you're the life of the party.

the best part of this is that people these days are so full of themselves that they can't take advice, so even if i pointed all this out to him, it would fall on deaf ears... and if i pointed out that people were jokingly making the point last night 'oh, look who wants attention', the person in question would probably be embarrassed into anger, not admitting their flaw but thinking everyone else was wrong.

its sad the way simple things have to get so complex socially.  when i get questioned i'm quick to explain myself and then tell the world to fuck off to cover all the bases.  i really don't care what people think, but i have nothing to hide in the event that i'm questioned... but most importantly, i don't let it bother me.

lets face something here, its letting people bother you which makes you look like an ass most in this world.  its hiding your location from those who may harass you for being out late or being somewhere that makes you most look like you're shady or a child.  another friend of mine won't let her updates be posted online because she doesn't want to blow her image as a suburban mom... what?  but that's who you are!  you're a loving suburban mom who still knows how to have a good time when your kids are at sleepovers!

now, i actually on some level respect her control issue... she does share everything on latitude to her friends, its those in her family that she restricts... and that's the loophole i bow to in general.  i mean, i dont think someone should hide their job or their sexuality or unplanned children or other major things from their family... but, if your sibling is a drunk who's deflecting onto you, it makes sense... if you're not going to control the problem.

i dunno people, why are we bastardizing everything into a control issue?  fire up those FourSquares, engage those Latitudes, and embrace who you are!  eventually we found out the person in question ended up at a backyard patio... but didn't check in from there... what?  not good enough to tell the world about?

fight the good fight, by just not fighting

i'm tired of the fighting... divorcing couples, conflicting schedules, laziness, social neediness... in the end, lots of fighting.

and all these people are so important (in their own minds) that they have to fight because they KNOW they are right!

now, i'm not saying people have to agree, in fact, i think a good debate is the reason the USA is the best place on the planet. being able to argue different points of an argument or opinion is a key to intellect... being able to do it without taking it personally is a sign of truly being an adult.

so disagree, debate it, give each other shit for it all day long... but then agree to disagree. sometimes you people take things so personally and get so childish about your poor injured ego that you dont realize how big an ass you're making of yourself.

and worse, some of you are so full of yourself that you can not imagine how everyone else is so rude as to think you could be wrong. what? really? everyone else is wrong? you are the ONLY person who's right? these people usually are the ones who just avoid, selling the story that they are better than lowering themselves to those who disagree. they run from the fight claiming maturity and wisdom, when in reality, they're unable to smile and agree to disagree, so they flee.

my, aren't you a find?

either you are so immature that your fragile ego can't handle it, or you're crazy.

what's wrong with you that you're so emotional that you can't laugh at yourself, let go of other people's views as their problem, and just get along.

boo hoo poor you. someday i hope i can be so intelligent and secure with myself that i need to fight or flee.

and people wonder why i'm single.

what's your excuse for living a lie?

i just spent an hour and a half on the phone with a friend of mine in california who i havent talked to in a long time.  i enjoyed it because it gave me reason to walk randomly around the neighborhood and get some exercise while keeping my mind busy with a good conversation.  and of course, it was good to reconnect with her.

we covered a lot of issues in life, mainly the social ones, life, love, friendship, etc.  and really a relationship and a friendship lost.  in the end, it was a discussion of truth, and if people ever sit back and face the truth in themselves, or if they don't even acknowledge the lies.

if someone claims love, but doesn't understand it, is it a lie?  if they want it to be true, does that make it true?

in the end, we are all living our lives.  in the very end will the history that is each one of us.

its 3am and i am awake but thankfully tired.  i will try to get up for 8am mass and hopefully work out tomorrow.  my last few months have been a quandary of slow stagnate living and excuses.  i am unmarried, i have no children.  i am broke but fiscally conservative.  i am straight but socially liberal.  i don't go to mass on sundays but catholic.  i am educated but unemployed.  i believe in sexual freedom but opposed abortion.  i believe in family but don't want one any time soon.  i like the company of a woman but don't have a history of serious relationships.  i know what i want, but often hate to make choices.

everyone is a grey area in life and views and history and plenty of change.  i used to be fatter and thinner.  i used to have a job.  i used to work out more.  i used to be in a bad relationship.  i used to have a great girlfriend.  i used to party more.  i used to not smoke.  i used to go out with my friends more.

change happens, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad.  but do we embrace who we are?

sure, we like to embrace our good points - 'im a lawyer' or 'im on the board'.  and sometimes we try to embrace the things we think we should be proud of, which other people may not think are important  - 'im a type a woman' or 'im going out with a surgeon'.

but do we embrace the parts of ourselves which are flaws?  can we be proud of being a smoker in the past, or a recovering addict, or gaining weight and being too lazy to work it off?  can we be proud of things which some may look down on?  can we be proud of being gay or bisexual or having such tendencies?  can we be proud of having one or many abortions?  can we be proud of stints in jail or failed marriages abuse given or received?

for the last few weeks, the weather has been awesome... and i've been spending most of my free time in bed.  i don't know whats happened in the last few months, i have work to do and a house to clean, and a gym to visit.... but that's what i've been doing.

for the last few months i've been sleeping with a woman who is gorgeous, and in a relationship with someone else.  i don't hide any of it, i will tell anyone the story, but i know on some level that its wrong and my only 'excuse' is the fact that i should get a pass for not hiding anything.  on some level, its still wrong... but that's what (or really, who) i've been doing.

for the last few years i've been holding my life hostage to a dream, and its a dream that most people see as impossible that will require a great deal of effort on my part... that lately i've not been putting in.

for my entire life i've known a large group of people, and have held what most would consider to be a large circle of friends, but really, they're all a mess for their own reasons.

first and foremost, most of them probably can't lay out their truths for the public to see, they can't be proud of themselves.  and in the end, if they're caught in the reality that is themselves they get angry.  they avoid.  they change the subject.  they ignore it.  they get defensive.  they detag their fat pictures and act like they never dated that person or smoked that cigarette or acted in an embarrassing way.

so, can you stand naked?  are you willing to be yourself?  can you be someone who has same sex thoughts or slept with that fatty or smoked whatever you smoked?

how much of a person are you if you lead a perfect image now, but can't be true to who you really were then or are now?  and what's your excuse for hiding?  don't want your kids to know you smoked?  don't want your parents or coworkers to know you're gay?  don't want your friends to give you a hard time for something which in the end will be completely trivial... but you just can't handle it because... you're just that weak?

so after you read all of this - just do one thing!  simple ask yourself if you are really proud of your life!  if EVERY detail of your life and the way you live and your thoughts were published for the whole world, pope, parents, and peers to read - would you be ok with it?

i can safely say that i have not led a perfect life - something many will say... but i'm ok with every aspect of it being published.  are you?  if not, you're not really proud of your life or some aspect of it, and unless you're just not mentioning it, you may be covering it up.  a lie.  its dishonest.  of course, you won't want to be called dishonest because that will tarnish your image.  and you have a good reason, right?

so, what's your excuse.

why is it that so many perfect people will stand and say that others should never lie, then they hide so many aspect of themselves and their lives?

ladies call us women

so last night, Spoon and i went to an event for St. Cecilia's parish.  it was a great event at a nearby prep school where my mother bid on and won a basket of baby items for a friend of mine.  the parish is making a name for itself because it is riddled with poverty and was facing closure but has managed to turn their school into a place where nearly 100% of their students go on to private prep schools.  they do it, and some of their books are older than their students.  its an amazing thing.

it saddens me a little that some of these students are using books older than them, and an entire class of students can be given new books for a few thousand dollars - books that can be reused for years of students to come... yet, the people in my world choose to spend their money on new cars and hottubs.  but, to each their own i guess, it would be refreshing to think some of them would randomly show up at the doorstep of this school and just hand them a wad of cash and leave.

the event ended early, and i had a group of friends forming downtown that were heavily requesting my presence.  spoon changed and we went downtown.  we arrived at a little bar where a gal i know (Jenn) serves up drinks, and it seemed some of the people i knew there had been drinking for a while.  we were of course warmly received and the night moved on, but somewhere in the mix Jenn asked me what the new drama in my little crew was, and why...

i couldn't really explain it, again.  not in a way that seemed to make sense.  the conversation continued off and on while she giggled at us all, and laughed at how my guys, the 'men' in my world were really just forever a group of girls.  at each turn she made the point over and over again, and over time it got worse as comparisons were made to make the drama seem nearly Kardashian, and as others joined in the conversation the sexuality of some were again pointed out to be a lie.

and sadly, some of what she was pointing out had become normal for me.  the childish actions, the possessiveness, the sadly weak egos and insecurity that caused some of them to lash out or separate themselves alone or in groups.  and worse, as we age there seem to be some who use being an 'adult' as an excuse to do the same things they have done all along.  they peacock themselves and refuse to relax, but yet, the drama continues... they just can't relax and let go.

she laughed, she pointed out how some of them are embarrassed by their lives and disappear, or hide in what they think are valiant efforts only to appear odd or awkward or sexually confused or socially inept.  she pointed out the most successful were just as big a mess or worse than the ones who were practically homeless.  she laughed more and pointed out the ones who were obviously single by choice, and the ones who were single because they were never wrong or probably sexually confused, and examples of their resistance to change or women.  and worse, it was all facts.

i couldn't deny any of it.

so.... while i had a great night, with my beautiful gal and did a good thing, and saw great people... i was reminded that the people in my world are a mess.  and separating myself from them doesn't change them or me.  and as each of the ones who were there swung in and out of the conversation and briefly chimed in, they all agreed, they all pointed the same fingers, they all giggled at those standing just feet away at how bad they were.

i'm starting to realize that i should just accept, and unless they want to throw anger or problems at me, i'm just going to live and be happy with them while i work on myself.  because unlike them, i want to embrace the fact that i'm not perfect, i'm very flawed, and i can be better.

the first step will be improving my ability to accept the reality of me.

Atrix, Day 1

I now have the Motorola Atrix as a trial, the bootloader is locked so I'm stuck with the stock 2.2.2 rom.  I've had this thing going for 16 hours, with no lapdock or media dock.

CONS
-first, the power cord is positioned in a way making it difficult to use while plugged in unless you're left handed.
-the central power button/fingerprint scanner is actually a little difficult to use.
-i'm sure Chris is going to laugh about this, but the screen is so acute that its actually difficult to read at times
-MotoBlur is completely unnecessary

PROS
-its got an awesome screen resolution no matter how difficult this makes it to read at times, it looks great.
-its well powered, even if the second core only gets used by lapdock
-the size is perfect, it fits well in my hand and anyone's hand
-from what i can tell, even with this awesome screen, the battery life seems rather sufficient

unlike SOME people who claim they gave this phone a solid try, using it a couple hours a day while in Vero suffering through a parental visit, I'm going to actually give this phone an uninterrupted trial an rely on it instead of falling back on my iPhone.  when it loses power, i'm going to charge it, when i need an iPod, i'll put music on it, and so on.  if i could open the bootloader i think i'd like it more (with Cyanogen), but i'm limited and on some level i think that will improve the experience.

i should footnote that until last night i spent a few days back on iPhone, and Chris' usual complaint about the lacking app development for Android is totally true.  i will probably go back to iPhone long term unless this changes.

redundant

i got home from my parent's house and i couldn't get online... then i noticed none of my tv's worked.  i called the local cable company and no one else was having trouble, so they scheduled a visit for 16 hours later.

but last night was a little rough on me, i needed a night in - but with no internet or tv, it was going to suck a lot with no tv or interwebs... luckily, i had a backup plan.

some time ago, i put an antenna on my roof, the cost wasn't terrible.  digital tv reception at my house isn't perfect, but it works enough to get me many channels.

the coax feed runs into my basement and just dangles there unused, having it connected to the cable system is only going to bleed off the cable signal.  but when the cable is out, i can use a barrel connector to directly connect the antenna to the TV of choice (in my case, in my bedroom), or replace the incoming cable feed with the antenna.

my tv's are older, i'm someone who doesn't really see the need to spend money on new flat panels unless i need them.  i took advantage of the discount cards that were available during the Dtv changeover, but there are many converter boxes available fairly inexpensively.

by simply reconnecting the feed to my bedroom tv to the converter i have in there, i had tv.

from there, i try to keep a phone around that can tether.  tethering is where you have a way to get your computer online via your cell phone.  you can pay for the service from most cell providers, but i dont pay for the service.  however, i am technically inclined, so i have in the past hacked my iphone and currently keep an Android based phone in my arsenal that allows for this.

keeping this stuff around isn't difficult or terribly expensive, and truly beats the shit out of not being able to stay connected.

in the end, i went over to a friend's house anyway - and when i came home the cable connection was fixed (though the wire is still across all the yards).  but, i love knowing i'm prepared to avoid hassle or annoyance. 

the mess

I'm watching LockUp... for the last year, this has been my weekly visual addiction.  Every Friday and Saturday night, all night, MSNBC runs a marathon of this show.  LockUp is shot in prisons, they seem to mainly be in California and Indiana, but really they've shot them all over the world, and even some juvenile and boot camp facilities.  It really seems that the system doesn't work.

I recently discussed the show with a friend of mine, who's response was 'why are we keeping these people alive?'.  I'm not this drastic, but his point was simple: almost all offenders are repeat offenders, why are we wasting our money?

Our prisons aren't as horrific as some foreign prisons, but they are a mess.  And, the problem isn't getting better.  I'm writing this in June of 2011, and in recent news the state of California was ordered by the Supreme Court to release 30,000 prisoners because the prisons there are so overcrowded its considered inhumane.

The juvenile situations they've shown are oddly similar to the adult programs, inmates who think they know better than anyone else, most are repeat offenders.  The judges want the parents to do something to control their kids, but it seemed many were from single working parent homes and had no respect for their parents anyway.  Why these kids aren't being pushed into a military program is beyond me... if they want to be a badass, why not use this to our advantage?  I get that their parents want many many more chances, maybe more than the kids do, but if we get to offense 3 haven't we proven this isn't working?

Adult prisons in most of the country are ancient.  There was apparently a time when people had enough respect for each other to make these designs worthwhile... but now they're a mess, they should be converted into anything else.

The culture in these prisons is horrific, the worst people in the state are wedged in a confined space and expected to treat each other well - what?  The inmates group in racially based gangs, the inmates are released on the 'yards' for exercise where hundreds of them group with their gangs, but have the ability to get to each other if they want.  And, they do.

So, here is my plan.

We need to redesign our prisons, I believe its possible to design pods of cells that surround a single recreation area, shared by the cells that it connects to.  Inmates will be allowed into that area once a day to exercise, then return to their cell.  At all times, inmates will be alone.

Cells will include televisions and viewing screens that allow them to be entertained and feed them educational and therapeutic material.

I get it, solitary is considered inhumane by some.  Well, there's the rub.  In exchange for guaranteed safety and recreation and entertainment and so on - they're in solitary.  This is a punishment, being locked up isn't as much of a punishment anymore because the inmates are just moving from one culture to another... what if we remove culture from them altogether, feeding them what they need.  News, world information, show them more world than the 'hood or the inmates.

Still this is a lot - solitary is supposedly hell, even if you have entertainment.  In my mind, this system is harsh in some ways, and in exchange for that, time spent in this world of near complete solitude will be worth 3 times as much.

So, the safety and return culture removed, punishment time reduced because the punishment impact is increased - thus clearing out space for future visitors.