i just spent an hour and a half on the phone with a friend of mine in california who i havent talked to in a long time. i enjoyed it because it gave me reason to walk randomly around the neighborhood and get some exercise while keeping my mind busy with a good conversation. and of course, it was good to reconnect with her.
we covered a lot of issues in life, mainly the social ones, life, love, friendship, etc. and really a relationship and a friendship lost. in the end, it was a discussion of truth, and if people ever sit back and face the truth in themselves, or if they don't even acknowledge the lies.
if someone claims love, but doesn't understand it, is it a lie? if they want it to be true, does that make it true?
in the end, we are all living our lives. in the very end will the history that is each one of us.
its 3am and i am awake but thankfully tired. i will try to get up for 8am mass and hopefully work out tomorrow. my last few months have been a quandary of slow stagnate living and excuses. i am unmarried, i have no children. i am broke but fiscally conservative. i am straight but socially liberal. i don't go to mass on sundays but catholic. i am educated but unemployed. i believe in sexual freedom but opposed abortion. i believe in family but don't want one any time soon. i like the company of a woman but don't have a history of serious relationships. i know what i want, but often hate to make choices.
everyone is a grey area in life and views and history and plenty of change. i used to be fatter and thinner. i used to have a job. i used to work out more. i used to be in a bad relationship. i used to have a great girlfriend. i used to party more. i used to not smoke. i used to go out with my friends more.
change happens, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. but do we embrace who we are?
sure, we like to embrace our good points - 'im a lawyer' or 'im on the board'. and sometimes we try to embrace the things we think we should be proud of, which other people may not think are important - 'im a type a woman' or 'im going out with a surgeon'.
but do we embrace the parts of ourselves which are flaws? can we be proud of being a smoker in the past, or a recovering addict, or gaining weight and being too lazy to work it off? can we be proud of things which some may look down on? can we be proud of being gay or bisexual or having such tendencies? can we be proud of having one or many abortions? can we be proud of stints in jail or failed marriages abuse given or received?
for the last few weeks, the weather has been awesome... and i've been spending most of my free time in bed. i don't know whats happened in the last few months, i have work to do and a house to clean, and a gym to visit.... but that's what i've been doing.
for the last few months i've been sleeping with a woman who is gorgeous, and in a relationship with someone else. i don't hide any of it, i will tell anyone the story, but i know on some level that its wrong and my only 'excuse' is the fact that i should get a pass for not hiding anything. on some level, its still wrong... but that's what (or really, who) i've been doing.
for the last few years i've been holding my life hostage to a dream, and its a dream that most people see as impossible that will require a great deal of effort on my part... that lately i've not been putting in.
for my entire life i've known a large group of people, and have held what most would consider to be a large circle of friends, but really, they're all a mess for their own reasons.
first and foremost, most of them probably can't lay out their truths for the public to see, they can't be proud of themselves. and in the end, if they're caught in the reality that is themselves they get angry. they avoid. they change the subject. they ignore it. they get defensive. they detag their fat pictures and act like they never dated that person or smoked that cigarette or acted in an embarrassing way.
so, can you stand naked? are you willing to be yourself? can you be someone who has same sex thoughts or slept with that fatty or smoked whatever you smoked?
how much of a person are you if you lead a perfect image now, but can't be true to who you really were then or are now? and what's your excuse for hiding? don't want your kids to know you smoked? don't want your parents or coworkers to know you're gay? don't want your friends to give you a hard time for something which in the end will be completely trivial... but you just can't handle it because... you're just that weak?
so after you read all of this - just do one thing! simple ask yourself if you are really proud of your life! if EVERY detail of your life and the way you live and your thoughts were published for the whole world, pope, parents, and peers to read - would you be ok with it?
i can safely say that i have not led a perfect life - something many will say... but i'm ok with every aspect of it being published. are you? if not, you're not really proud of your life or some aspect of it, and unless you're just not mentioning it, you may be covering it up. a lie. its dishonest. of course, you won't want to be called dishonest because that will tarnish your image. and you have a good reason, right?
so, what's your excuse.
why is it that so many perfect people will stand and say that others should never lie, then they hide so many aspect of themselves and their lives?
we covered a lot of issues in life, mainly the social ones, life, love, friendship, etc. and really a relationship and a friendship lost. in the end, it was a discussion of truth, and if people ever sit back and face the truth in themselves, or if they don't even acknowledge the lies.
if someone claims love, but doesn't understand it, is it a lie? if they want it to be true, does that make it true?
in the end, we are all living our lives. in the very end will the history that is each one of us.
its 3am and i am awake but thankfully tired. i will try to get up for 8am mass and hopefully work out tomorrow. my last few months have been a quandary of slow stagnate living and excuses. i am unmarried, i have no children. i am broke but fiscally conservative. i am straight but socially liberal. i don't go to mass on sundays but catholic. i am educated but unemployed. i believe in sexual freedom but opposed abortion. i believe in family but don't want one any time soon. i like the company of a woman but don't have a history of serious relationships. i know what i want, but often hate to make choices.
everyone is a grey area in life and views and history and plenty of change. i used to be fatter and thinner. i used to have a job. i used to work out more. i used to be in a bad relationship. i used to have a great girlfriend. i used to party more. i used to not smoke. i used to go out with my friends more.
change happens, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. but do we embrace who we are?
sure, we like to embrace our good points - 'im a lawyer' or 'im on the board'. and sometimes we try to embrace the things we think we should be proud of, which other people may not think are important - 'im a type a woman' or 'im going out with a surgeon'.
but do we embrace the parts of ourselves which are flaws? can we be proud of being a smoker in the past, or a recovering addict, or gaining weight and being too lazy to work it off? can we be proud of things which some may look down on? can we be proud of being gay or bisexual or having such tendencies? can we be proud of having one or many abortions? can we be proud of stints in jail or failed marriages abuse given or received?
for the last few weeks, the weather has been awesome... and i've been spending most of my free time in bed. i don't know whats happened in the last few months, i have work to do and a house to clean, and a gym to visit.... but that's what i've been doing.
for the last few months i've been sleeping with a woman who is gorgeous, and in a relationship with someone else. i don't hide any of it, i will tell anyone the story, but i know on some level that its wrong and my only 'excuse' is the fact that i should get a pass for not hiding anything. on some level, its still wrong... but that's what (or really, who) i've been doing.
for the last few years i've been holding my life hostage to a dream, and its a dream that most people see as impossible that will require a great deal of effort on my part... that lately i've not been putting in.
for my entire life i've known a large group of people, and have held what most would consider to be a large circle of friends, but really, they're all a mess for their own reasons.
first and foremost, most of them probably can't lay out their truths for the public to see, they can't be proud of themselves. and in the end, if they're caught in the reality that is themselves they get angry. they avoid. they change the subject. they ignore it. they get defensive. they detag their fat pictures and act like they never dated that person or smoked that cigarette or acted in an embarrassing way.
so, can you stand naked? are you willing to be yourself? can you be someone who has same sex thoughts or slept with that fatty or smoked whatever you smoked?
how much of a person are you if you lead a perfect image now, but can't be true to who you really were then or are now? and what's your excuse for hiding? don't want your kids to know you smoked? don't want your parents or coworkers to know you're gay? don't want your friends to give you a hard time for something which in the end will be completely trivial... but you just can't handle it because... you're just that weak?
so after you read all of this - just do one thing! simple ask yourself if you are really proud of your life! if EVERY detail of your life and the way you live and your thoughts were published for the whole world, pope, parents, and peers to read - would you be ok with it?
i can safely say that i have not led a perfect life - something many will say... but i'm ok with every aspect of it being published. are you? if not, you're not really proud of your life or some aspect of it, and unless you're just not mentioning it, you may be covering it up. a lie. its dishonest. of course, you won't want to be called dishonest because that will tarnish your image. and you have a good reason, right?
so, what's your excuse.
why is it that so many perfect people will stand and say that others should never lie, then they hide so many aspect of themselves and their lives?
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