how men are screwed up, at least me.

i'm 40 and i'm single... i've never cheated, i've had many women interested in relationships, and some state clearly their interest in spending the rest of their lives with me.

and it's a little amazing because i'm a mess.  yes, let me make this clear because i'm sure there are going to be plenty of women wanting to point out all my flaws when they're finished reading this.

here's the truth: i need to clean things up if i want to find a relationship.  here's reality: any woman i'd want to be with deserves to have the better me.

so many times i've had women tell me that i'm single because i haven't found 'the right one'.  because the 'right one' will bring me around.  because the 'right one' will make me different.

and yet, i'm 40 and i know a LOT of people, and the 'right one' still hasn't come around.  oddly enough, i still have a solid group of single male friends who are waiting for the 'right one' as well.

here's the problem:

-first, men are shallow:  if a woman wants to grab a man's attention, she needs to look good, and at least hint at a desire to continue to look good in the future.  men should do this too.

women need to do this without looking like a whore.  cleavage is attractive, a black bra under a thin white shirt is going too far.  'a lady in the street and a freak in the bed' - yes, it's true, the song doesn't lie.  expose the bra at home alone, keep it classy and still sexy in public.  sexy is important, cover up the cleavage and now you appear frigid... and what man wants to spend the rest of his life not getting laid?

and ladies, stop dressing for other women.  i realize that you think men don't care how you dress... this only applies if your body is perfect.  no one's body is perfect.

-secondly, men are selfish:  we want our space, but oddly enough we want someone to be available on our schedule.  this causes a lot of women to be givers, and give and give and give... then subsequently wonder why they aren't getting anywhere.  ladies, you need to learn to balance the give and the take.

and with that, you can't be busy all the time either.  no one is busy all the time.  having a job, and a lot of friends, and a lot of work related happy hours, and helping your sister with her kids, and going to the gym, and doing charity work, and having a side business at home, and going to church...  all this means you have an active life, it doesn't mean you're busy.  if you think you're impressing people being 'busy' all the time, you're really making yourself look like an ass who can't manage her life or a lazy ass who's always building an excuse into life to bail on things, and subsequently someone who's generally full of shit.  if you want to be impressive, do it all and always find time for others by using your scheduling skills.

no man wants to know he's talking to a woman who's going to devote all her time to him expecting the same in return, nor does any man plan on spending time with a woman who has to plan to make plans.

-third, men are lazy:  if a man is interested in a woman, he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life explaining it.  sure, there's the courtship, but eventually a woman needs to be confident in the man and the relationship.  confidence comes from the inside... if a woman isn't confident, she can't be confident in a guy's interest in her.

with that, let's remember not to take it too far.  what do women think of a guy who's boisterous and loud? they think he's an ass... so ladies, when you go spouting off about how men can't handle you, you're not helping your cause.  admitting that you're 'too much women' or 'sometimes psycho' or any other random annoying habits are just as bad for you as they are for men.  if you're lucky enough to have people criticize you, gain confidence in your self improvement.  remember men are lazy, so we don't find it intriguing.

and let's remember that somehow society expects men to be lazy, at least regarding relationships.  gone are the days when romantic gestures, even as simple as holding a boombox over your head outside a woman's bedroom window are acceptable.

-lastly, why am i single:  why are so many men single?  because women put up with our shit.  egos and insecurity are so rampant these days that we have become a nation of overly dramatic morons with yo-yo waistlines and out of control 'needs'.

what man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman who thinks everything is important?  who wants to spend their time with someone who can't remain calm when embarrassed, remember not to do something embarrassing, or keep herself from chasing the latest fashion to impress all the other women she feels she needs to impress.

i'm single because i'm shallow, selfish, and too lazy to put up with women who aren't willing to accept they're just as wrong as i am.  i'm screwed up because i'm out of balance.

it's all about balance, not too sexy, but still sexy... not to giving but not busy... not overly confident, but not lacking in confidence (or worse, lacking it and faking it).

i visited china last year, they are very into 'balance'... and in thinking since then i've really began to see the validity in it.  i need to get into balance.