answer your phone!

there has been a problem amongst a few of the people i know... they all make sure they have the latest in communications equipment, phones and computers and high speed internet connections...

but, you can never get some to answer the phone, and responses to emails or texts are at best delayed.

in a recent conversation with one of my friends who doesn't suffer from this problem we went back and forth about why this is happening.

here's what we realized first: you always got a response when trying to contact someone important.  not someone who wants you to think they are important, but someone who actually was important.  from CEO's and business leaders to doctors to people who were on the move with life and career, someone always answered the phone or responded.  now, it wasn't always them - but they weren't going to miss a call.

then we realized something else: the people least likely to take your call are the people who most wanted to appear important.  people who probably on some level realized that the important people were always in contact, so they don't respond because they are (in their mind) doing other or better or more important things.  the insecure, the people who were always trying to look good, those who more often than not were skeptical, the people with problems.

the problems... not the problems that big deal people face.  instead it's problems and running.  things they don't want to deal with.  things they can't deal with while wearing a smile.  the problems of the unhappy.  these people had a few rare people they responded to, safe people, the current best friend, the current love interest, but never anyone who didn't give them their quick fix of drama or importance.

we live in a time when people could be able to almost constantly communicate - almost to the point where it's annoying.  a person can be in a meeting, and at the same time is constantly looking at their phone, their emails, their texts, their social media.

but yet, you can't get a response from some people... unless they want something.  and those people really don't realize how poorly they look in the eyes of others while they try to be someone who looks perfect.

it's like they want to believe they are fooling everyone.

i know a woman, a beautiful and inspiring woman, a wealthy woman, a woman who owns her own business which is also a charity, a woman who is in the middle of completely remodeling a home, a woman who is on the brink of getting married, a woman with 2 dogs and many employees and a solid collection of friends all over our city and the country.  - a woman who almost always answers her phone, almost always gives you some kind of reply to texts and emails, a woman who more often than not remembers to think of others.

this woman is generally a happy person.

at the same time, i know a man who came from a prominent family, always drives expensive cars, lives in a fashionable neighborhood, owns a solid business development, has great family that he's always showering with gifts and gear, and likes to point out all his great connections. - a man who's ruined his lifelong friendships with greed and insecurity, has racked up an unbelievable and little known mountain of debt, secretly lives a life of turmoil, a man who never answers his phone or replies to texts.

this man isn't very happy.

are these just two random people, and the lack of response to others not a factor to their lives or happiness?

well, i'm not a shrink... and certainly there are people who are completely happy being alone.  but it seems the people who want to be loved and respected while not adjusting who they are end up being the ones who hide.

they aren't always hiding of course, they have needs, they have wants, they have things they want to do - and they are more than happy to involve you when they need you.  but do they answer the phone when it doesn't suit them?  do they answer the phone if they are just sitting at home doing nothing and you want to say hello?

probably not.

why?  who knows...  maybe i'm not as close to these people as i think i am.  and... maybe the other people who have noticed this aren't as close either.  some are sisters and brothers of the people in question, but who knows, family doesn't mean much these days.

and would it make a difference if they responded?  maybe not.  who's to say they'd give you any kind of response you want?  so many people these days give faux emotional responses, trendy emoji's, and LOL's to their friends, and a never ending stream of texted 'I LOVE YOU's to their friends and family.  of course, everyone likes to know they are loved, but when you get an easily sent text and no actual effort, you start to notice this is a knee-jerk response that probably has little to no actual value.  and when you never see the person Laugh Out Loud or show you that they actually love you when you need them... you start to see the truth.

worse, we live in a time when the latest technology offers you the ability to send 'read receipts' to people - you can tell people that you got their message.  i do this, most of my close friends do, and when i send them a text, i can see that the read it and when.

but... you can (on some level) tell what kind of person you're dealing with when they disable this feature.  they don't want you knowing they ignored you, even though its obvious from the lack of response - but maybe by the time you realize it, you'll forget they may just be an asshole.

and that's an important issue - no one wants to be the asshole.  they may say they don't care, but they do, if they didn't care they'd let you know they read your text and you can suck it up.  no, they want to be loved, but they may not want to put in the work.

guess what - you're not fooling anyone... you never replied.  you couldn't even kick out an 'ok', or a 'i will call you later'.  the latest iPhone actually has a feature that allows you to kick out a nearly automated reply text when you can't answer the phone.  they have actually factored in to the design of the phone that most people want to NOT come off looking like an asshole.

on some level, people need to realize the levels that are communication... you can ignore someone, you can text them, you could talk to them on the phone, you could talk with them in person, and you could be with them with little to no notice for any level of importance.

and in that, you show what kind of person you are.  being someone who barely contacts others or barely responds paints a picture of a fairly sad person, and the person who's always giving an actual response to others shows the world how solid they are.

i don't know what to think of people at times, have some of us started to lean so heavily on the crutch that is technology, or has it become yet another way for people to see the emptiness in others?

here's what i do know - if you want to be a better person in the eyes of others, answer your phone.