balance

a few years ago i was lucky enough to take a trip to China.  as a country, China is exactly what the media portrays it, they don't care about who they hurt or how dirty things get, the system is most important.

however, in the history of China is something which i struggle with daily, which everyone struggles with, and if you can master it in every aspect of your life, you will find peace.  sadly, it's not something followed in China anymore...

balance.

too much of a bad thing, is obviously bad... and then there's the ironic 'too much of a good thing' aspect to deal with as well.

now, i can sit here and let you read a long drawn out philosophical view on this, but instead, i'm going to put this into real life examples.

- you take in 2000 calories a day, do you burn 2000 calories a day?

no, this is why we are fat.  this is why our country is fat.  this is why your kids are probably fat and will continue to be fat and will need to deal with epic health issues like heart disease and diabetes.  i'm not going to ramble about carbs or video games or why you have a sedentary job and i can't kick soda any more than you can stop drinking wine, but this isn't complex, and you don't have a genetic issue.

- you work 60 hours a week, do you spend that much time at play?

this one is great, people love to have an excuse as to why they work so much.  loving their job, needing to provide for family, lacking job security, trying to get ahead... all important reasons.  and all a solid path to a heart attack.  this is as much a mental thing as a time thing, if you work at your play time trying to make the best of it, you'll stress out just as much.

- you love your friends, do you make time for you family?

this can go both ways.  single people love to point out how little they see their married friends, and married people love to point out work and family as their 'excuse'.  at the same time plenty of people who are in both situations don't get to their core of family.  taking care of each other, being there for the monotonous and annoying things and so on.  your family is NOT your children.  and not having children or a spouse does not mean you don't have family.

- you know the latest in fashion, do you know your body?

i realize that not everyone sees themselves in the awesome light that i see myself in, after all, you all aren't me.  but even i know there are some things i shouldn't wear- things i'd love to wear, but things i shouldn't wear.  i'm doing my best not to point my finger at women here, as i can already hear the angry comments from the soccer moms stuffing their faces with jr's carb-laden snack mix and washing it back with another $6 bottle of Zin as they start their groans about how i have no idea what it's like.  actually, i do.  i know a rail thin therapist who specializes in eating disorders and thinks that Ashton Kutcher is the hottest man on the planet,  and is more than happy to point it out to men who don't have a lean buff bod.  i'm just smart enough not to care... or attempt to stuff myself in something originally designed for his body style then modified to fit the mass market.

- you know you like to have a good time, do you know how far to take it?

i'm the first person to say everyone should be themselves.  let me repeat that - BE YOURSELF - and be proud of that person no matter where you are.  at the same time, if you're the guy who ends up wasted on stage #3 attempting to show 'Ferrari' how to properly twerk it, then you probably need to learn some balance.  sure, when you were 22 that situation made sense... right out of college, if out at all.  when you're 42 you can be that person too, but don't be surprised when people think you're a jackass.  i have had many jackass moments to help me learn this lesson.  sadly, some people attempt to think they can do these things and then the guys will 'keep it quiet'.  no dumbass, they won't.

- you know what attracts the opposite (or same) sex, do you know what you're attracting?

i'm a guy, so i'm going to use women first, then attempt to use women.  gays & lesbians, you're on your own for this, but i'm sure you'll get the picture as the rules don't really change...  let's use boobs: show too much cleavage and you're a whore, don't show any cleavage and you're the difficult chick no one wants to suffer through.  too much leg and the only guys who talk to you are hoping for a cheap lay, don't show any leg and the only guys that will talk to you are the ones who are hoping to meet your rich father.  balance.  guys have it easier, a guy can dress modestly and women will talk to them - but guys, if you're constantly rolling through different expensive cars and watches, there's a reason why you only attract paper-chasers.  basically people, know your audience.  dress where you're comfortable, don't be afraid to take some chances, but be aware of what your comfort level tells people.

- you know how to keep your kids happy, do you know what you're raising?

i have a friend who's hard on kids, his logic is 'we are raising a generation of babies' (i'm paraphrasing as his term was a little more difficult).  i wish i could give my nieces anything they could ever want at times, luckily they aren't my kids and i can't afford to do so.  the reality of life is that it's harsh.  someone will steal from your kids, someone will reject them, someone will tell them they are ugly, someone will deny them a job or a membership or a spot on a team, and someone will break their heart.  they do need to know that their parents will always love them, but they don't need to know everything they do is always acceptable.  your child needs to learn that they have to provide for themselves, they need to learn to express themselves but not to rub it in other people's faces or be allowed to throw tantrums, and your child needs to be able to take criticism.  i know people who are a mess socially because their parents are afraid to put their foot down on little issues because they would rather have their kids be happy with them.  what?  you're the parent, you don't need their approval.

- you know how the world should work, do you know how to make it work?

everyone should have healthcare, and everyone should have free speech, and everyone should have privacy, and everyone should have happiness.  sometimes, this isn't realistic.  sometimes, some of those conflict.  we can't give everyone healthcare for free, and if you make it cheap then you pull happiness from some healthcare providers.  saying anything you want is legal, but that doesn't mean it's going to be helpful or productive.  and privacy is a great thing... until some guy wants privacy to keep new conquests from knowing he's really a man-whore and not the sweet man he's selling.  i don't know how to make things work, but honesty is a good start.

we have become a world of activists and opinions.  the greatest farce of ego is opinion, as it's usually based on emotion and history instead of facts and situation.  for example, we cannot compare the healthcare issues of everyday citizens to those who are soldiers in combat.  a responsible army cares for it's troops... and while many feel a responsible country should care for it's citizens, there is leeway for opinion which does not exist in combat.  one cannot apply their opinion fully if they have not lived through all sides and experienced the situation.  sure, people can estimate, possibly sympathize, but not empathize.

so when you look out to the world, try to act based on balance... realize that you may need to assess the situations of others, and realize that falling completely on one side of a decision may not be the best course.  calories need to be burned, children need to deal with life, parents need to tell their kids how they feel, everyone loves boobs & money, and there is no correct and one sided view of politics.

and too much of a good thing, can often be a bad thing.