The New 2011

i'm 3 days in 2011 and so far i'm calling it a success...

2010, like 2009, was a wash.  sure i helped with my sick mother and met some great new people... but my repeated attempts to expand my agency representation in Chicago found no results, and while i did find a new agent in Memphis the rest of the situation left me bored and depressed - and expanding.

the boredom of a bad economy and the corresponding lower flow of work opportunities left me with a bored and slightly depressed state of mind... worse than 2009, and toward the end of the year i basically let go.

i'm lucky enough to have someone in my life who has challenged me to a motivating little competition to get into shape.  in this, i found some motivation.  she's gorgeous and is probably taking advantage of my looking for a reason to do it, while she keeps talking up how she needs to lose weight i can't imagine where from.  as anal as i am about the female form, she's at most a salty snack overweight - so i'm totally going to kick her ass.

all this talk has me motivated to continue on with my propaganda after my birthday - this year will be the big 4-0.  good god, if you had asked me 25 years ago what my life would be like at 40 i couldn't have been more wrong.  understand this:  i was going to be married by 25, possibly even have a kid out, and my career in finance was going to have me all over the planet.  i would still call st. louis my home, but often would need to spend time at my posh condo in NYC for business reasons.

um, fail.

somehow, i stopped aging in a lot of ways right after i thought up that dreamscape.  my home is in kirkwood, the house i have in chicago isn't mine and i havent been there in over a year, i didn't finally decide on a career until a few years ago (and even that is uncertain), i havent left the country in 5 years, and i couldn't be more single & childless.

but, i'm starting slow & steady and getting back - something i've been saying i'm going to do for some time.  fuck it, i have to stop letting my boredom define things, because eventually auditions come up and i look like crap.

so - i have to keep myself busy... what does that mean?  early spring cleaning - for the first time in the decade that i've have my home i'm going to give it a full scrub down, each room is getting things thrown away - everything must go.  i dont need great decorating, but i need a clean home to seat my clean body.

dont get excited with me saying clean body.

i'm giving up booze, and with the screwed up life i live that pretty much means giving up my flirtatious ways - all which is fine... i didn't have any issues with loyalty anyway, but being tipsy and a flirt has caused some concern over the years.  sadly, i can't remember the last first kiss i had sober... and there's probably a lengthy list of of crap which can be associated with booze.  let's just hope this doesn't make me into a limp asshole.

so, day 1 without booze and the cleaning has begun... its so bad here you can't even tell i filled a trash bag today.  i'd like to have a definite change before i leave for LA so i can feel like i'm coming home to a clean house and not a fraternity house.  my competition will be traveling this weekend and at the end of the month - and travel is going to be the biggest problem in all this!  when you travel, you're feel free, you feel 'on vacation'... luckily i only have one short trip planned - and when she gets back i'm going to  look ridiculous hot!

this is my road to 40, i'm going to get my body back and get cleaned up, and get myself back on track as the country gets itself back.  it's time.