not really, and no one reads this anyway, but on the off chance that some random person from wherever has some thoughts on this, please feel free to email me.
I'm not really gay but I'm attempting to recognize what it would be like to publicly say it - so there it is, at the top, enough to get the word out. Now, does it matter?
Not to me, and not to any of my friends (I don't think). We have gay men in our circle of friends, I have a friend in another city who's a lesbian, a local director I love working with and respect in many ways is not only gay; he's married and an activist - and I'm proud to know him.
So... what's the big deal?
I have a friend who everyone (but me) is convinced is gay. People gossip about his behaviour and comment about how it's because he's gay. His sister contacts me to help her and his mother with various issues regarding him, and apparently they both think he's gay. Old friends who used to hang out with him a lot think it, new friends think it... I just think the guy is depressed.
Then, today he made the decision to effectively end his relationship with nearly everyone he regularly socializes with because of one person he doesn't like and claims to not care about... yet he's allowing the chance this person may be somewhere to control where he goes. And now, who he'll be friends with. This does not make a man gay.
However, for the last few years he has obsessively monitored me, what I do with my time, who I socialize with, right down to whoever is listed as a Facebook friend. And, when I claimed to him that I get to control what happens on my Facebook page, he decided he was unable to be my friend, again. Yes, this has happened many times in the past, to the point where I've had to accuse him of stalking me. His explanation: well, when you feel someone is trying to dupe you, you want to catch them. And, that makes sense, but I wouldn't have to try to dupe him if he didn't put odd rules on me, and only me.
I don't know how long this will last. He recently spent time with 3 people who have all stated to me that they think he's gay. Two really, one guy didn't care... which is kind of my end point, but in the end, one of them was a woman who is having trouble getting over a breakup. When I suggested she date my friend, she laughed, because... well, he's gay. "He may not know it yet, but I'm not going to marry a guy so he can figure it out later!"
The other woman recently commented on his quiet, placid state, his mannerism and ways of speaking, and most importantly (to her) his lacking activity and effort toward others. I pointed out plenty of examples in an attempt to disagree... to which she pointed out the effort was basic, and directed at me - so, he must be gay.
In the end, his recent experience with these people did not end well. Maybe this is the root of his anger.
I make the point time and again to everyone who says these things that I have plenty of guy friends, friends who I spend tons of time with, friends who I travel with, friends who are generous to me, friends who I'm always around. Apparently other people find his attention to me different - how so? The only difference is how he reacts to one issue which doesn't even involve me really, he probably just wants someone to support him.
No one does.
So, today, I said to him after his actions, "no one agrees with you, everyone else can't be crazy, you can't be the one person who's right". He obsesses over this 10 year old issue and carries it on, so that with each day that other people move on with life and he sits stagnate, he gets angry and blames others for all he has missed because he doesn't want to be around this person he hates. His focus on this person and the issues related to him appear to be paramount in life, as it has caused him to miss out on countless events, and now remove himself from the lives of most of the people he knows.
I'm sure he thinks he's standing up for himself, he doesn't see how it makes him look nor that most people would respect him for getting over it. Most people just want to get along.
But, he thinks he's right about his issues. I think I'm right about his orientation. Ugh.
So, today I've lost a friend, again. He may get bored of sitting alone at a nearby bar, a 40 year old man sucking down bar food with 4-6 drinks per sitting. He may want some conversation, but at times I can't talk to him anymore. The topic, is almost just as bad.
Hopefully, this will at least blow over as it usually does... not permanently, but for a while, and I'll get my friend back. I am growing tired of losing friends, especially knowing the reasons are empty. He's not the first I've lost this year, the other still sneaks in a conversation with me if I put in all the effort, and now I'm putting in all the effort with him.
Now I must sit and debate... should I care about anything or anyone who doesn't care back?
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment